By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
I agree, your life sucks 50 069
You deserved it 7 010

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Top comments

fudgepirate 0

be happy that u have a big dick!! many guys would be jealous!

say "bitch relax, we'll make it fit."


wow you must be big!!! your life sucks

Dino33mite 0

or horribly deformed

I_R_Genius 3

Oh god, here we go again my eyes are bleeding. Is there a doctor in the house? I hope the Doc can cure my "Ihatepeoplewhocan'tusepropergrammar disease." (Yes I did mean to say it like that.)

Did I miss the improper grammar?

I_R_Genius 3

Yes the capitalization that is improper grammar.

xsmoochesx 0

Grammar nazi's are annoying, become an english teacher or get a life.

ThatGuyYouDontKn 0

You make me lol with your grammar OCD.

I_R_Genius 3

I have a life but thank you. (Read my profile) And I am studying to become a English teacher for 3rf graders when I get out of the military.

being well endowed is a gift and a curse. lol jks it's awesome.

kcnutt10 1

You, yourself, did not use proper grammar in your last comment. So please, do use all a favor and shut the **** up.

Oh come on. So they didn't capitalize. If it's really that big of a deal to you, don't get on this website. If you haven't figured this out by now, many many people that post on FML do not use proper grammar. Stop being a jerk and just don't read the comments.

I_R_Genius 3

3rd* Damn iPhone auto correct.

I_R_Genius 3

And this is why todays education system is failing us. People shouldn't be allowed on the computer if they can't use proper grammar. Most of the grammar Nazis on this site will agree with me. It's plan and simple, learn how to use proper grammar or don't use a computer at all.

ohthebloodygore 16

31, you correcting them isn't going to make them stop. My God you people. Even I (I'm considered a Grammar Nazi) wouldn't correct that. I ignore spelling and grammar as long as I could understand it. The only things that I must correct are the number and all caps thing, simply because it gives me headaches. All the idiots who choose not to type correctly, get an education, All the idiots who correct idiotic mistakes, get over it.

*today's *plain

To I_R_Genius, "Yes the capitalization that is improper grammar. " Is itself improper grammar, you missed a comma. Also your other statement "a English teacher", It's "an English teacher" so if you can't even use proper grammar, don't try to be a Grammar Nazi. k thx bye

I_R_Genius 3

Thank you #44 I am in a sleepy state and I hate iPhone auto corrects, but I am going to bed.

Uh "Genius", I'm not sure you can blame your iPhone for three different comments with improper grammar. Maybe you should learn to type yourself before a) correcting others and b) teaching third graders your incorrect ways.

kcnutt10 1

I_R_Genius: Again, please do us all a favor and shut the **** up. With each comment you leave, you show us all that you are indeed a douche. Get the **** over it. Your comments haven't been all grammatically correct, either. So check yourself before you check others.

I_R_Genius 3

Look at Mr. Big and Bad. Can't even spell out "okay and thanks". Tis a sad day indeed, really sad indeed.

How have you been Iraq 5 times according to your profile? You are 19 which means you're a PV2 or PFC which means you have only been in the Army for one year. How long were those deployments? 2 months at a time?

Rule #1: Don't be a jerk about the grammar of others when yours is nowhere near perfect.

I_R_Genius 3

In what way, shape or form did I start cussing? You may want to go reread the comments because I'm pretty sure I didn't cuss on any of them.

Sweetie2u 1

Really? Who gives a **** about grammar on FUCK MY LIFE? Oh and having a big dick is good, she'll get over it.

ohthebloodygore 16

57, no one mentioned cursing? I didn't see cursing mentioned. All this over capitalisation? Yes, capitalisation is spelt correct.

kcnutt10 1

But "spelt" is NOT spelled correctly.

Genius, look up grammar and parentheses usage. If you do not know how to use them, don't. At the very least, stop thinking you're God and correcting people.

ohthebloodygore 16

63, it is. :) Thank you for attempting to correct me though.

kcnutt10 1

65: If you don't mind me asking, what country are you from?

wow, msut we raelly srTay away from teh FML and go to fcking gramer lessoins? Like WTF this Is teh intErnet, it doesnt fcking mater how we speel shit as long as others can undrestnad wth we r saying... plz stOp being gramer doucebags.... i maen nAzIs...

ohthebloodygore 16

68, Spain and England. 70, that was difficult to understand.

SirEBC 7

This thread reminds me of why I started reading the comments..

thebignixie 0

the Internet is a place where people can just chill out when they need to. yes, I know proper grammar. do I have to use it when on FML? if the way I type affects you, I'm sorry. get a life you baby.

#72... you shouldn't correct other's grammar when yours isn't perfect.

Suavis 4

I r genius whatever, he said 'k thx' on purpose, obviously he wasnt trying to do it right. also, the correct form of 'k' is not 'okay', it's O.K. I don't give a shit about my grammar, I'm not in school or writing for anything important, so as long as I can get my message across I'm content.

Hallelujah! The "Genius" or should I say, "I-have-a-stick-up-my-ass" finally has got nothing to say. Amen

And she claims to be a "Grammar Nazi"......smh

Alright... I am often very irritated by the lack of basic grammar and spelling displayed online (all thanks to texting I suppose). 'Genius' has however broken the first rule of grammar numerous times above. You must NEVER start a sentence with a conjunction (and, but etc.). Please do not go into teaching until you gave learnt basic grammar yourself. Good day Sir!

I have bad grammar :3

i actually made an account to say that grammar nazism is the stupidest insult one could ever throw at somebody. you say you have a life. that is clearly a lie. please, get one.

Sarcasticlese 0

It's super funny to read the comments on everyone that says they're a grammar Nazi but every single one of these idiots cannot get it right themselves. Who are these people?

I agree, it's often the self declared Grammar Nazis that have the most appalling grammatical errors. The above comment has been my first on the matter, but certainly deserved in my opinion!

dammitt, reading this made me forget my funny comment. P.S. And you can start a sentence with a preposition. P.P.S. To all those who believe in common grammar to be used on the computer, take a look at some OS coding and try and read that out as a proper sentence. Next, grab a dictionary, look up "computing" and Nazi. If you are a grammar Nazi, what the hell does that entail? The Nazis burnt books, so it is a bit weird to be obsessed with grammar if you destroy literature. P.P.P.S. fighting on the Internet is like winning gold at the special olympics.

The Grammar Nazi's make me Laugh,,

Px5.S. I don't know why I mentioned the preposition

TurboTalon 0

I wanna know about the 5 times to Iraq in one year. And wonder if 103 (I think it was) has never read a book. Sentences often start with and and but. But I guess hundreds of published authors have no idea what they are doing. As for autocorrect I call shenanigans. 3rd would never be corrected to 3rf. In fact I had to stop that from being autocorrected to 3rd just now!

Snooopy_fml 5

You missed a comma.

Snooopy_fml 5

Oh, and Army is capitalized. Duh.

this thread has taken a life of it's own! Not that I'm a grammar Nazi per se, but I do think that people have muddied the language enough as it is. When words like McJob wind up in the dictionary it saddens me a little. FYI McJob gets auto corrected by my phone to look like that.

You missed the fact that she is from England so spelt and capitalisation is correct .... If that is what you are referring to.

I know it was a while ago but I am going to point this out anyway. #31 you said you are going to be a English teacher. It should be AN English teacher... I'm just saying...

I'm not a grammar Nazi, but I do have something to add. Genius needs not stop trying to be a grammar Nazi because you, too, Genius, have several issues to work out in your comments. You have terrible punctuation problems, my friend.

hghiPigh 0

That 'I_Clearly_Isnt_genius' character is quite a moron.

Draminicaus 0

Wow, this is one giant facepalm in the making. Congratulations on making one of the largest examples of why people shouldn't grow a set of nuts on the Internet.

I'm with you. even if the kid got in at 17, there's no possible way to have deployed 5x in 3 years. The closest I've seen still involves a few months in between or an extension, which does not count as another deployment. So I_R_genius or whatever that is should probably shut it before he offends some people who actually have deployed five times. I myself haven't but I know a lot of people who have. And I'm also pretty sure the fight has moved to Afghanistan. Oh wait, I'm sure. Maybe the army hasn't got there yet. Rookie, if you did lose your brother in iraq I'm sorry, but lying does not honor his memory or your service.

His parents could have signed a waiver at 16. And he could be approaching his 20th. They just started doing the year intervals but I am confused as well. Unless he was deployed as soon as he finished BCT and AIT, then went on 6-9 month deployments. It would still be difficult to deploy that many times. My husband has been in seven years and is only on his second. Soldiers are still being sent to Iraq. They haven't completely removed them. They are just concentrating on Afghanistan now.

For the record, I'm typing on my iPod touch and no matter what time it is, I always have good grammar. Unless it's deliberate.

In this strand, everybody but the "grammar Nazi" is super annoying.

A grammar Nazi who says 3rf grade? I feel sorry for your students.

Notice how Genius has disappeared? I spent three years in the army. Overseas deployments last a year. There is no way he has been deployed that many times. I have a feeling that he is not even in the Army.

fudgepirate 0

be happy that u have a big dick!! many guys would be jealous!

daaron 3

actually it is a curse my gf bail on me I'm a virgin too and she said I would destroy your ****** it wouldn't be the same she said it's like having a baby fml

That's because many guys don't realise big dicks can hurt a girl. OP, do it nice and slowly. Don't start immediatly with the pentretation, take your time, have a nice foreplay, be sure you two are relaxed and then everything should be OK. If she's afraid because this is the first time she sees your penis, ignore the penetration-part and just keep it with foreplay, hands and mouth. Just don't rush it.

RedPillSucks 31

Good advice. Add some manual stimulation to get her to cum first. For most guy virgins, taking it slow will lead to premature ejaculation for him, and total disappointment for her.

i think he only posted this fml so he can tell everyone he has a big dick! poor u....

kofinater 3

If written differently it would go like.... Today, my girlfriend told me I have a monster sized penis. WIN

YDI. because you never had any type of foreplay before it therefore she didnt know how big your penis is.

Hahahah lmfao that so true

mjcdsjf 0

You must have a godzilla in your pants.

Fuck stimulation. Stick it in and start thrusting like a mad man on the run from guard bears in the cold Russian winter.

musicisforev03 0

I'm gonna feel stupid asking but what's does OP mean

zakkyzebra 11

274, it means "Old Penis" it usually means that the original poster has an old penis. That's why he is so big.

chinte42 0

Then it wouldn't be much of a fml post

what does size matter if she doesnt let him use it?

was she being sarcastic ?

bendovver 6


i dont think a virgin would say that sarcastically....

How is that not true?

Take it as a compliment!

Megg5 2

exactly. lol

"shut up meg"

say "bitch relax, we'll make it fit."

JocelynKaulitz 28


HSkimu 0

hahahaha hell yeah!

dakins 0

doesn't work like that

Slice the bitch with that tool

lil_lala209 5

I'm sorry but this sounds fake to me... just sayin... FYL

willsohn 0

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
Blue_Coconuts 7

Spoken like a true virgin.

QueenOfBoredom 0

ahh and you are classy too

freckles92 0

sounds like some is over compensating...

Suavis 4

well if she's a virgin he is going to 'break something' amiright?

SirEBC 7

Way to respect women, dude.

No, that's a common misconception. The hymen can be broken by vigorous exercise, especially horse riding or cycling, and by tampon use, or by masturbation! If the girl is wet and relaxed, there's no reason it should hurt, especially if she's had a finger or two in there before; my first time was flawless.

RedPillSucks 31

Cazzybum, is it bad that I thought "Flawless Victory" with the "Mortal Kombat" deep voice?

beethovensfifth 0

Thank you Dr. Oz

sexybitch_14 0

u should be really glad that your big, u could be small nd her being really upset about that.

#9 has never had sex

SmyD666547 0

#9 love's men.

douchebags don't destroy shit bro. #9 is the virgin express. hahahahaha

everything but the tampon use is true. unless you use like fist sized tampons in a small ******. then. you know.

rasNgan127 0

lmao no! dats a win

SixStringSamurai 0

There was only one man who could break anything with a 1-inch punch, and Bruce Lee you are not.

ziggabot 0

you really are a moron aren't you.

he meant to say "I totally understand, every time my boyfriend does me I get wrecked :("

lil_lala209 5

I'm sorry but this sounds fake to me... just sayin... FYL

cdatribe23 0

take it is a compliment ;P

Alexxx125 0