Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
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Top comments
irishfever 0
not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her
kwbuzz23wk 0
sounds like a compliment
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Comments (437)
eli993 0
2 years and not had sex with her? And obviously only ever kissed if she's never even seen a penis... You two must be about 12-15 otherwise is weird....or this is fake...
mandyreid_ 0
i remember the first time i have ever seen a penis, good times!
Phantom13 3
Dude...aside from the major fact that you missed out on getting laid...I'd consider that a major compliment...well if I was a dude anyway...lol.... As a girl, all I have to say is that your girlfriend is either SUPER naive (and I mean with a capital S) or she's been living under a rock or something...NO one, and I mean NO ONE, can live in this day and age with internet, TV, and movies comming at you all the time and not have seen a penis or ****** or boob or whatever.... Seriously, just by her a Playgirl or something...get her use to the image...or just flash her yours some more...whatever works for you....LOL XD
FYL6 0
Anyone who thinks its horrible that its been 2 years with 'nothing,' you're an idiot.
spoixee 0
unless you have a micropenis, that's no big deal. at all. and is not an FML thing.
Somebody52 0
Wow....can you say, 'Not ready'? She deffinitly must be scared to death about it if she actually fainted.....
Ziadaine 0
Reminds me of my first time, sadly she didnt faint but was fairly shocked. >:3
asdfghjkl333 0
why is that an FML? BRAVO!
Diligent17 4
Wow...that's is very rare to hear. I don't know either to applaud or feel bad for you because it's still a negative. But at least you gave your girlfriend a chance to see what one looks like. I bet that can be one of the funnest stories you can remind in her she is ready once more.
schweets503 0
sounds good to me i wouldnt complain if i were you