Today, I got out of bed and saw muddy footprints next to it. They were at least three sizes bigger than mine. I live alone. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML
Today, I finally felt motivated to do some exercise. As I got my weights out, I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone moving about outside my window. I got scared and dropped a weight on my foot. The person outside was my own reflection. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML
Today, I stepped on the scale this morning and it actually shattered beneath my feet. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML
Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML
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Top comments
Charlie Given 28
Hope you called the police and change the locks
the_catherine 9
If you haven’t done so already, you should go to the police. Even if they can’t do much right now, it will be on file which can be helpful for future investigations and/or other victims. Protect yourself and others and go to the cops.
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Comments (6)
Charlie Given 28
Hope you called the police and change the locks
the_catherine 9
If you haven’t done so already, you should go to the police. Even if they can’t do much right now, it will be on file which can be helpful for future investigations and/or other victims. Protect yourself and others and go to the cops.
distortedcognition 17
Invest in landscaping. That’ll stop the footprints from being muddy
slowhandjp 18
I think it’s kind of a legendary creature😱
Alai 14
That sounds a little scary😱
icecreamisrad 13
This is an issue...please get a camera and a weapon😳