Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML
Today, my coworker warned me that if I made one more dad joke, she’d belt me with a frying pan. Alas, I did not believe her capable of such violence, which is why I now sit here with a bag of frozen peas pressed to the 3-inch lump on the back of my head. Plus she was sacked, so now I feel horribly guilty. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML
Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I was making my bed and had an armload of pillows. One slipped and I tried to catch it between my arm and leg. I missed, sending my fist into my nuts. FML
Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML
Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML
Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML
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Top comments
JojoBrown520 0
giant battered eggplant? O.o
jennacide 0
Thats what you get for trying to do a womans job! jk :)
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Comments (124)
seidi11 2
wow your mom needs to shop alone
lovin_darkness 0
OW!!!!! im a GIRL and that hurt!!!!!!!! XO
michael666 7
no it didn't, you don't even know the feeling. you can't know,
Diannaa 0
Battered as in beaten or as in like dipped in a thick liquid in preparation to be fried?... OMG deep fried penor.
Pearljammer001 0
damn you snick, beating me to assistance!
Kirlyfoo 9
dumbass bitch of a mom that **** shud be beateb
HoesInaBox 0
Ever wondered how the make corndogs? o_o
Diannaa 0
Eeew I ate one yesterday :(
HoesInaBox 0
it's fried penor. Cmon get with the program!
shadaboo2014 0
@adi2 woooooooooow brain check *knock knock* (crickets sound) "yepppp he's a gonner lol jk jk jk jk
Person1233 13
Was it a BUTTERBALL turkey?!
furismurder 4
win
FrostyBby 0
^yepp
Domonator 16
Don't worry, OP, I'm sure that your mother, at least, thinks that you're impotent..er...important...umm...never mind ;)
shadaboo2014 0
lolephant
waywick 0
impotent, of course, unless there's a turkey around...
sav04 0
snickers is so damn annoying!
icall_BS 0
You can't even go shopping without a cup anymore. What kind of ****** UP world do we live in?
Pearljammer001 0
@ 19 try going to the actual www.fmylife.com website, then log on and there will be a button that says "edit profile" go in there and about halfway down the page it says something about adding a pic.
shadaboo2014 0
duuuuuuuuh