Food, Injury and Miscellaneous: Ouch

Ouch

By Anonymous - 13/01/2013 12:41 - United States

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 356

You deserved it 5 177

Food Injury Miscellaneous

Own it

Walk the line

Thanks Boris!

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 17:11 - United States - Romulus

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 534

You deserved it 5 549

Desperate man

By Anonymous - 23/02/2021 17:01

Today, I have been married for nearly 16 years. I've not had sex in over three years. My wife spends all hours chatting and gaming online with friends, and when she finally crashes into bed, she just goes to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 179

Sobering

By Imnotfromhere - 13/06/2021 16:01

Today, I went to a bar to celebrate my 26th birthday. I got ripped off by the bartender all night because she secretly gave me non-alcoholic versions of my drinks. Apparently I look like I'm 16, so she thought my ID was fake. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 162

Early start

By KoNi - 21/11/2008 07:23 - France

Today, my 14-year-old sister asked me how I felt when I first had sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said, "I thought it was nice." I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 184

You deserved it 6 425

By mad dude - 12/01/2011 07:46

Today, I realized I'm pussy whipped by a chick I'm not even dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 807

You deserved it 41 414

Scammers gonna scam

By Hady - 25/06/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that the $100,000 scholarship I "won" was a scam. I found it on a website. When I won, they asked for a "processing fee" that I begged my brother to let me borrow. The website has vanished into internet wasteland and I have no way of paying back the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 1 761

By _sourdiesel7 - 10/11/2016 23:39 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 370

You deserved it 820

Facebook political debates

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 01:01 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 91

By Eyesore - 16/04/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 149

You deserved it 86 476

By jabba - 05/10/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 659

You deserved it 34 728

By darkangel7410 - 22/06/2016 08:37 - United States - Lafayette

Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After looking into it, one of the 1-star ratings claimed "mechanical problems". The description of the reason, "He drives a Ford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 434

You deserved it 2 575

By motherlover - 05/08/2014 04:40 - United States - Hoffman Estates

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 204

You deserved it 4 339

Open your eyes

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 14:00

Today, I was taking some "me time" when my neighbor drove past and saw me. What I failed to realize was that my dog had pushed the shades open for my body to be right on display. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 335

By Tweety - 09/04/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 821

You deserved it 8 492

By anonymous - 13/09/2012 06:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 714

You deserved it 4 626

By funnygirl018 - 28/05/2013 22:14 - United States

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 651

You deserved it 5 694

Who are you?

By ihatemyex - 23/05/2020 14:00

Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 137

By blank - 21/07/2010 13:52 - United States

Today, I came home to my boyfriend wearing one of my pads on his hand, because he didn't want to pay to go to the hospital for stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 293

You deserved it 4 113

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:50 - Canada - London

Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 633

You deserved it 1 392

By gatorhead - 09/09/2010 18:05 - United States

Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 394

You deserved it 2 478

By confsused - 16/12/2013 17:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 861

You deserved it 3 365

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

By undateable - 18/10/2020 02:01 - United States

Today, I tried to drown out the petulant whining of my idiot coworker as he droned on and on about how, “bitches don’t appreciate good men.” He’s 35, lives at home, still uses the term 'friendzone' and has the hygiene of a sewer-dwelling ogre. I was written up for for snapping and yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 174

By storyofmylife - 15/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 485

You deserved it 10 742

By jzidar24 - 22/10/2015 02:37 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, at school, I got in trouble for plagiarizing on a paper. The subject of said paper was where I see myself in ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 733

You deserved it 2 400

By CallMeMrFunny - 22/12/2016 18:27

Today, I mentioned to my parents that Sunday is going to be awesome because it's Christmas. They responded with "Wait, this Sunday? In 3 days?!" Apparently they forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 368

You deserved it 702

Double trouble

By HipstrCharizard - 07/11/2020 23:02 - United States - Nobleboro

Today, I found out I might have Covid due to my manager's roommate getting it by being irresponsible. Two days ago, I found out I may have hep A from getting takeout at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 102

That's so hot

By Anonymous - 04/11/2021 21:00 - Australia - Bundoora

Today, I discovered that I was the catalyst for my best friend's and ex's relationship. Apparently, still being in love with him added crazy heat to their sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 96

By neelloc83 - 02/03/2009 14:22 - United States

Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said "We're not ready for our table yet". Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend who I've met several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 060

You deserved it 67 957

By meggs2209 - 12/01/2012 20:06 - United States

Today, Dell's tech support called to tell me that the laptop I sent to them was going to cost an extra $300 to fix, because of the shattered screen. When I mailed my laptop to them, the touchpad wasn't working. The screen was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 866

You deserved it 2 941

By Bg2466 - 15/08/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 112

You deserved it 15 600

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 16:14 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 922

You deserved it 5 514

By Whoops - 02/11/2018 14:00

Today, my mom decided she wants to try a new family bonding experiment: Being naked around the house for an entire week. She wants us all to eat dinner, watch tv, etc. completely naked. She says she will ground me and my siblings if we don't try it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 112

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 28/02/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said "you don't have to lie, some people just are not cut out for college. There is no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 688

You deserved it 2 924

By Ryan - 28/08/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 146

You deserved it 8 152

By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 05:58

Today, while out with my family, I happened to run into "the one who got away." She smilingly introduced herself to my wife, who definitely noticed that she and our daughter share the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 571

You deserved it 7 884

By Anonymous - 03/03/2017 12:00

Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. Couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 836

You deserved it 942

By Flandre - 23/12/2018 11:55

Today, I gave over $100 to my online friend in presents for Christmas, only to find out he can't use any because of his strict parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 024

You deserved it 476

By dumbblonde - 06/08/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 251

You deserved it 62 219

By nick2.0 - 09/09/2009 21:20 - United States

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 122

You deserved it 5 529

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 984

You deserved it 13 125

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Top comments

misspulkadot24 17

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:34

This reminds me of when Spongebob pushed the sofa onto Squidward's foot. I always had to look away...not that I watch Spongebob...*bad poker face*

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 13 January 2013 21:20

Hey, guess where the sensory nerves are? If you guessed the top layer of skin, you win the grand prize.

misspulkadot24 17

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:34

This reminds me of when Spongebob pushed the sofa onto Squidward's foot. I always had to look away...not that I watch Spongebob...*bad poker face*

rockstar362 8

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:52

Nothing when you're 12!! (Awaiting thumb downs and death threats)

MrBrightside21 20

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Sunday 13 January 2013 20:12

18 - I'm not going to make a death threat. This way, you won't expect it when I do kill you. Haha. Just kidding. But seriously though.

theycallmekitty 13

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Sunday 13 January 2013 21:54

18- You've never noticed all the adult humor in Spongebob? When I was little that stuff went waaaay over my head. When I watch it now I actually get all the jokes and it's hilarious.

FastidiousPear 6

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Sunday 13 January 2013 22:38

YOU'RE DEAD 18!!

doglover100 28

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Sunday 13 January 2013 23:52

I can't watch that scene. It's so gross.

eddeeezzyy 19

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Monday 14 January 2013 0:06

Yeah! Lol wasn't that the episode where Squidward wants to beat Squllium in the fancy house contest?

doglover100 28

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Monday 14 January 2013 1:16

Yeah. It was to have the fanciest house, he needed to move his couch.

Smartdumbblonde 27

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Monday 14 January 2013 1:24

What's wrong with spongebob? He's funny lol

jesustitts 20

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Monday 14 January 2013 13:53

Have you ever seen the splinter episode?? I can't watch when it goes in :| it's awful!!

SRU_Toronto 5

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Tuesday 15 January 2013 4:07

You're never to old for SpongeBob

GTAmax99 12

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:35

Did you get the snack?

GTAmerc 2

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Sunday 13 January 2013 21:23

Alright, so I gotta say I've seen your name a couple times. It scares me every time at first, thinking it's me. Anywho, carry on good sir.

GTAmax99 12

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Monday 14 January 2013 0:54

Boo! Haha did I scare you?

GTAmax99 12

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Monday 14 January 2013 2:50

Well now I'm never eating pizza again -_-

fleeper 13

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Monday 14 January 2013 3:55

Yes. It's making me cringe.

lilhellian 26

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:35

Man up op.. It's only a layer of skin...

eddeeezzyy 19

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:42

At least he didn't step on a Lego...

iOceanus 18

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:43

"'Tis but a scratch."

KayBeeFFFixed 5

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Sunday 13 January 2013 20:38

I agree with #3. Shouldn't even have felt that...

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 13 January 2013 21:20

Hey, guess where the sensory nerves are? If you guessed the top layer of skin, you win the grand prize.

lilhellian 26

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Sunday 13 January 2013 21:26

Doc did you not say something to me about detecting sarcasm.. This was meant with a hint of sarcasm

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 13 January 2013 22:12

Sorry Hellian, I was talking to KayBeeFFFixed.

lilhellian 26

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Sunday 13 January 2013 22:59

It's ok doc.. it's all good. :)

ColdplaySucks 18

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Monday 14 January 2013 0:29

What's the prize?

timjones 8

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Monday 14 January 2013 10:19

A Coldplay CD.

kra1985 8

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:35

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

lilhellian 26

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:41

They could be in a bad way financially.. And OP just wants to be considerate and let the mom sleep..

YakuzaxGeneralz 9

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:59

I just assumed he didn't want to wake his mom because it was midnight

U_GotitDude 18

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:36

Something similar to this has happened to me before. I know that pain :( FYL OP.

license2chill 5

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Sunday 13 January 2013 20:55

I had similar experience before, it was also late at night and I was looking for food, I kicked the sharp corner of a hard wood furniture with bare toes by accident, I felt something was screaming inside my body...

yoursucklives 36

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Monday 14 January 2013 9:15

something similar happend to me, but not only was the top layer of my skin taken off, but my toenails too.

FlamingTacos 7

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:36

At least you got your granola bar

funky2525 14

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:38

Ouch!!! That probably feels like stubbing your toe except 10 times worse! Sorry Op

XxDevilxXGt 26

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:58

It probably feels like getting your skin scraped off. Cannot compare using units of stubbed toe!

XxDevilxXGt 26

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:58

It probably feels like getting your skin scraped off. Cannot compare using units of stubbed toe!

KM96 24

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Sunday 13 January 2013 20:01

It might be a closer comparison to compare accidentally grating your finger / hand, but 10x worse

iOceanus 18

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:40

Oh God, that sounds incredibly painful...

Smartdumbblonde 27

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Sunday 13 January 2013 19:45

Ouch, that must've hurt. Just think of it this way, it could of been way worse

LolPieRofl 11

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Sunday 13 January 2013 21:24

Explain.

BongRipsForJesus 7

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Sunday 13 January 2013 21:34

*Could've.

Smartdumbblonde 27

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Monday 14 January 2013 1:35

Well it could've pealed off more than one layer of skin to where it started bleeding, or from the bottom of the door, it could've broken a bone in ops foot (by smashing a bone in his foot down and breaking the bone in half).