Food, Injury and Miscellaneous: Ouch

Ouch

By Anonymous - 13/01/2013 12:41 - United States

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 417

You deserved it 5 198

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Same thing different taste

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 628

You deserved it 32 841

By Brian - 20/11/2012 15:50 - United States - Sandston

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 300

You deserved it 33 305

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 970

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 746

You deserved it 26 494

By HotCurry - 05/09/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, her grandma, and I were leaving her house to eat lunch. I stubbed my toe on the door while exiting. It hurt, so I stood there shortly in pain. I heard my girlfriend's grandma call me a "pansy". I later saw blood and took off my shoe. My whole toenail had come off of my big toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 158

You deserved it 3 527

Cereal killer

By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 18:40 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, I went to the kitchen to grab some cereal. I guess my mum didn't hear me, because as I entered, I heard her ranting to herself about her, "goddamn fucking Cheerios". I started to slowly back out, but I tripped over my own feet. She heard and yelled at me for "sneaking around". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 088

You deserved it 4 199

Skittish

By bronzemedal97 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 064

You deserved it 3 308

Caring

By Anonymous - 18/03/2020 08:09

Today, I was rummaging about in the pantry. When I turned to walk away, the heavy pantry door fell off, struck me in the back of the head, and the wood surrounding the doorknob cracked. When my mom came home, she accused me of "property damage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 114

By Kaz - 07/05/2011 06:40 - United States

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 582

You deserved it 50 268

Chop chop

By shaz - 27/04/2023 10:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 114

misspulkadot24 17

Sunday 13 January 2013 19:34

This reminds me of when Spongebob pushed the sofa onto Squidward's foot. I always had to look away...not that I watch Spongebob...*bad poker face*

DocBastard 38

Sunday 13 January 2013 21:20

Hey, guess where the sensory nerves are? If you guessed the top layer of skin, you win the grand prize.

Comments

willou35_fml 13

Sunday 13 January 2013 21:10

haha

thatsuckz101 1

Sunday 13 January 2013 21:39

reminds me when my foreskin got caught in my girlfriends braces in her basement fml

randomness247 4

Sunday 13 January 2013 22:23

Braces and ******** do not mix.

onorexveritas 23

Sunday 13 January 2013 22:00

been there, sorry op. luckily your limp didn't come off or something though

mark1970 10

Sunday 13 January 2013 23:47

Seany_93 17

Sunday 13 January 2013 23:53

You should swing your sausage into her box and take the top layer of skin with it as payback lol

GTAmax99 12

Monday 14 January 2013 1:01

Mustve been gross to clean up...

PhishloverA 14

Monday 14 January 2013 2:08

Yeah, "sneak a midnight snack." We all know what you really mean OP, we aren't stupid

Teen_Facts 10

Monday 14 January 2013 2:32

Ouch! Doctor, doctor?!?! >.

birdfreak 24

Monday 14 January 2013 2:39

owwie! hope you feel better, OP!

Why_me_why_now 17

Monday 14 January 2013 2:51

So did you wake your mom?

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The Top

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You deserved it 2 907

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I agree, your life sucks 30 029

You deserved it 3 931

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I agree, your life sucks 31 747

You deserved it 64 208

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I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 3 017

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I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 93

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I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 433

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I agree, your life sucks 12 597

You deserved it 37 892