Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML
Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML
Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML
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Top comments
SmallBean 12
well at least he had the courtesy to check if you were up or not. Next time just have that 30 second conversation with your father and you can avoid this again.
sens3sfailing 25
Why didn't I think of that? I'll just completely change the thickness of my walls with that easy do-it-yourself kit they sell online...
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Comments (112)
jogihoppa8343 23
atleast you have something funny to get it published on FML right next day..
sens3sfailing 25
One does not aim to have an FML kind of experience.
jogihoppa8343 23
yes i agree you are right... but think for a while for the parents too. they just can't discuss their sexual needs with their kids...they just need some time alone like any other normal couple would..
vexus_fml 5
now you can never look at them the same way ever again
CharresBarkrey 16
Why? How do you think OP was created? It's not like they had no idea their parents had sex.
paintedchocolate 30
Sure, but your parents sex life is not something you want to think about, is it?
Synistiel 14
18, I've heard my parents a few times and I still look at them the same way. Maybe not instantly the next day, but after a bit I do. When you accept the fact they have sex like almost every other human being on the planet you get over it.
oj101 33
Wow. Either your walls are paper thin, or your dad is a very, very good love maker. Just be glad you didn't walk in on them when you're checking whether they're asleep.
sens3sfailing 25
You meant plague* and retina* #2. And I do also. I walked in on my parents once...
Free4ever 6
Ironic you avoided a talk but got to hear that. Pop some headpgones on and jam to some Bob Marley.
Enslaved 38
But then the OP would associate Marley songs with his parents fooling around. . . Especially, if dad wanted to know. Is this Love? Then got his Buffalo Soldier to Get Up, Stand Up and do some Jammin'. He'd Stir It Up with his One Love. And of course, mom would be a, No Woman, No Cry after dad screams "I Shot the Sheriff"!
paintedchocolate 30
56- I think I might love you for that comment alone.
wtfsandwitchabh 6
Still not as bad as waking up in the middle of a school night to your brother masturbating on the floor of the room you share....He went three times before sparing me...
jem970 19
Did you write an FML about that? You should have.
somecoolperson1 2
I never understood how parents could have sex in the same room as their children. Sounds like it would ruin the mood...
phatdaddy62 23
Are you stoned or are you just stupid?
waqasvic 2
lil
SillyGirl4602 23
Lil what?
Abbbiiieeeeeeeee 16
Lil' pointless comment?
charvisioku 22
Did you mean: "lol"? Yeah? Well that doesn't make it any better.
dancinwookie 21
That awkward moment when you've butchered a word so badly that even auto-correct can't save you. Then you ask someone for help and the jacka$$ tells you to look it up in the dictionary.
whY402Jay 12
That's your own fault. Could have had a quick chat and maybe they would have been much quieter.
happyllama12 5
It's not like OP knew that was going to happen. Sometimes I'm not in the mood to talk to my parents either.