Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML
Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML
Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML
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Top comments
SmallBean 12
well at least he had the courtesy to check if you were up or not. Next time just have that 30 second conversation with your father and you can avoid this again.
sens3sfailing 25
Why didn't I think of that? I'll just completely change the thickness of my walls with that easy do-it-yourself kit they sell online...
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Comments (112)
Ray_of_midnight 23
Be glad your parents have a happy marriage and are still doing it with each other!
llamafish 25
Wouldn't a better alternative be to not swear where you're not supposed to? Or even j******, which will still get the point across while protecting the eyes of the innocent.
Sammie246 5
Dear god . Happens to me all the time .
LittleFluffy 1
Atleast it wasn't your grandparents having sex for 20 minutes.
destinylashey 1
Wow that sucks for u
friedbunnies 9
Were you sharing a motel room? I mean seriously, what the ****??!?!
xcountrygurl151 2
At least he checked. I heard my mom and her boyfriend. Told her about it cuz it was upsetting and disturbed me. She said we would change things up so I wouldn't go through that. Nothing changed. I came home from school, first night home in months. Guess what I heard that night. (And she wonders why I'd never come home during the summer).
akiahara 14
Consider yourself lucky... I wouldn't have checked.
epople 5
THAT HAPPENED TO ME! But I got to sleep fast enough
simoncat 11
Ew. Ew. Ew. I can remember gearing my parents have sex. Embarrassing. Disgusting. Disturbing. Ew. Ew. Ew.