Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML
Today, I was ready to have sex with my new boyfriend. Turns out he's a 30 year-old virgin who doesn't know shit. He couldn't find my vagina and was just humping my crotch, then when he finally got it in it was 5 pumps, a squirt and done. He thinks he did a good job. Now I have to teach him how to do it properly. FML
Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
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Top comments
jimmyrules 0
Lol I'm pretty sure it's not that hard.
immja 0
@2 that may have been the problem.. hah
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Comments (428)
ridikulous 0
to all the ppl saying "wuts wrong with op? sex is easy", with certain girls its actually really hard. some girls un/subconciously tighten up completely cuz they're scared and it WONT go in and hurts them a lot. it can take a while to make it work.
fierystage 8
Yeah—it's called vaginismus, and it ******* sucks. Look it up, OP, and it wouldn't hurt to invest in a good *****/vibrator to get your body used to the sensation. And use tons of lube.
sorrowevicteon 9
If she was scared why was she doing it in her basement? It just sounds like first time jitters...
uroborous 0
WATCH MORE ****. YOU WILL LEARN FROM IT
xgetxbentx 13
actually, it's not that complicated, put his penis in your ****** and hump. that's the basics. odds are, if you guys can't figure it out, you just shouldn't be having sex just yet. maybe take a sex Ed class?
black_knight402 0
what's a goon to a goblin?
jester613 2
if you're to stupid to figure it out then don't do it the last thing this world needs is two more morons procreating.
ruchir 0
oo
juujuu00 0
there are 2 types of people, those who watch (and learn from) ****, and those who remain sexually frustrated... my advise to you is this, watch the ******* ****! boooow chicka wow wow....; )
kbaker90 0
**** isn't realistic in the slightest. The Kama Sutra or even a Cosmo magazine is more helpful.
Brittney_E 0
102, i was doing fine until i read that comment. now im terribly confused D:
lilbobbygg 0
noobs :)
quent10 0
it's funny because you both are roflnoobs who can't figure it out