By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 16:59

No one is that good in bed, surely

Today, my ex-boyfriend is still stalking me after several years. I asked him why he doesn't just move on and let me be. He replied that I drove him crazy one time when we were intimate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

830

You deserved it

91

Tweet

Share

Triage

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Get the message, dude

By youcould'vejusttoldme - United States - College Station

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3265

You deserved it

444

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my sculpture, which is very important for my art grade, fell from my desk and broke to pieces. My art teacher suggested I soak the parts in water to make it easier to stick them back together. They dissolved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31428

You deserved it

3557

Tweet

Share

By DFR - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41523

You deserved it

23644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was rear-ended while heading to my appointment with my physiotherapist. This is the physiotherapist I am seeing to treat the pinched disc I got from being rear-ended 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6289

You deserved it

410

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old brat. He refused to eat his vegetables, so I forbade him from playing until they were finished. He stomped off upstairs, so I let him cool off for a couple of minutes. When I went upstairs, he had taken scissors to all of his mother's clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32479

You deserved it

4404

Tweet

Share

By JessThompson - Canada - Hamilton

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24876

You deserved it

4327

Tweet

Share

By cahsecuel - France - Grisolles

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43485

You deserved it

7099

Tweet

Share

By oogabooga9

Today, I was clearing out the garage when a large bouncy ball rolled into the drive. Only when I blasted it full force with my foot and collapsed did I realise it was actually a bowling ball. Two of my toes are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1685

You deserved it

4236

Tweet

Share

By me - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25057

You deserved it

3833

Tweet

Share

By Wellgreat

Today, I convinced my roommate, who’s been single for a while, to get back in the dating game. He downloaded Tinder. His first match was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3349

You deserved it

269

Tweet

Share

By birthdaygirl - United States

Today, I decided to get dressed up for school because it's my birthday. I was heading to class in my heels. Then, I rolled my ankle, fell down the muddy hill, pulled a leg muscle, and scratched up my knees. At least ten people saw it. I was wearing a white skirt. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60016

You deserved it

15104

Tweet

Share

By SophieGray - United States

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38778

You deserved it

5045

Tweet

Share

By Stupid - United States

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38063

You deserved it

18555

Tweet

Share

By brit - United States

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27580

You deserved it

2956

Tweet

Share

By FistFighter - United States

Night fight

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26837

You deserved it

12915

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50040

You deserved it

3739

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17876

You deserved it

44021

Tweet

Share

By WitchQueenLiz - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65617

You deserved it

3139

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 07:58 - United States - Redmond

Denied

Today, my girlfriend, who live 30 minutes away, asked me over late at night. When I got there, she turned me around and kicked me out because she "wasn’t feeling it." I’m 29 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1123

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By

Today, all of my friends stopped messaging me. I checked their Snapchat and Instagram accounts and saw that they were all at a party. When I confronted them, they assured me I was invited and should join them. When I arrived at the address, the house was empty. They gave me the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2222

You deserved it

304

Tweet

Share

By scarlet5000 - United States

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6204

You deserved it

75337

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Fresno

Today, I got a badly-needed job at a local discount store. After being hired, I found out I'm to help with the soon-to-begin store closing sale, and I'll be jobless again after 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6834

You deserved it

439

Tweet

Share

By fail - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28183

You deserved it

5823

Tweet

Share

By Katie - United States

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36564

You deserved it

2795

Tweet

Share

By NeverGonnaHappen

Dumbest Ultimatum Ever

Today, my boyfriend told me I had to get rid of my cats, or he would leave. He punched a hole in my wall when I told him I chose the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2329

You deserved it

387

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Spooky season has begun

Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1504

You deserved it

136

Tweet

Share

By pimplesapparently - United States - New York

Today, I sent my friend a snapchat without any makeup on. She asked what filter I used because it made my face look all red and blotchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21105

You deserved it

2752

Tweet

Share

By Boyufd

Paaaaaaarty!

Today, it's my birthday. I'd planned an outside party in my backyard, and I'd invited all of my friends. Only 2 of them showed up. It also rained today, even though it wasn't supposed to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1625

You deserved it

162

Tweet

Share

By Yippie - Spain - Alcal? De Guadaira

Today, when I woke up, I quickly pulled the bed sheet with my right arm to get out of the bed. I failed to notice that a big portion of the sheet was pinned under my body. My arm dislocated and I fainted because of the pain. Great way to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4742

You deserved it

688

Tweet

Share

By unluckycounsellor - Bermuda

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62680

You deserved it

4806

Tweet

Share

By -_- - United States - San Francisco

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12939

You deserved it

32268

Tweet

Share

By Losamus

Nice first impression.

Today, I didn't know I had a pill stuck in my throat until I coughed and it flew across the table, narrowly missing the weird guy sitting across from me in the break room. Turns out that weird guy is my new supervisor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2618

You deserved it

444

Tweet

Share

By Karate Kid - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6942

You deserved it

35187

Tweet

Share

By kewlio45 - United States

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

107826

You deserved it

6316

Tweet

Share

By ohdeardarling - United Kingdom

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13660

You deserved it

60141

Tweet

Share

By lil123 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend wrote a song for me. As he was singing it to me I realized it was actually a breakup song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34775

You deserved it

2706

Tweet

Share

By 6u174r_d00d - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40943

You deserved it

6052

Tweet

Share

By Awkward - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was caller number nine on the radio, meaning I technically won the contest. I was too awkward, so they hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20686

You deserved it

4609

Tweet

Share

By applesmama - United States

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30384

You deserved it

4660

Tweet

Share

By oldsoulyoungbody - United States

Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29188

You deserved it

4151

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Yummi_913 | 15

#7968441 - Sunday 31 January 2021 21:10

Well, he's driving you to get a restraining order.

By CA91 | 9

#7968473 - Monday 1 February 2021 0:45

Get a VRO

COMMENTS

By Yummi_913 | 15

#7968441 - Sunday 31 January 2021 21:10

Well, he's driving you to get a restraining order.

By ghostinflames | 13

#7968466 - Monday 1 February 2021 0:06

It just seems sad that op didn't get to the root of this issue earlier.

By CA91 | 9

#7968473 - Monday 1 February 2021 0:45

Get a VRO

By DrSamba1 | 6

#7968494 - Monday 1 February 2021 7:10

Restraining order sounds appropriate.

By Amanda G Rich | 23

#7968624 - Monday 1 February 2021 20:50

Don't talk to him EVER. Just get a restraining order