Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML
Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML
Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML
Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML
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Top comments
jazziness 12
Doesn't matter, had sex.
tripangelx8 4
the article should have warned you to tell her to keep her eyes closed
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Comments (136)
emba_fml 13
imagination.
kuges 0
Heyyy
kat2812 1
at least you made the effort!! she should not have laughed at you....i bet after being laughed at you will be real eager to try new things huh
DocBastard 40
That's what you get for trying to learn sexual techniques from a book. From now on, just do what the rest of us do - watch ****. You'll quickly learn that every boss sleeps with someone in the office daily, threeways are extremely common and never awkward, 17 position changes are a must, women climax at the slightest touch, and all women love facials.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Don't forget they love anal too!
hugsnkissesforu 0
Oh my, you sure do know quite about now, don't you? (;
perdix 31
You need to man up and keep your face down in it. You can't bob up and suck in some fresh air from time to time. They want to see some dedication and you need to show it my not impersonating some ridiculous zoo animal.
Fenthik 4
404 ****** not found
Fenthik 4
404 ****** not found
OuchCharlay 0
I'm surprised perdix hasn't gotten more comments...
perdix 31
Yeah! Me, too!
Estapc 3
Animal planet.
Jewnut 0
You are lucky she loves you cuz that seems creepy as all hell