Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my mum got upset with me for having my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML
Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML
Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML
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Top comments
ElricMustang 23
Your mom really has some issues with your mom, huh?
DocBastard 40
Mother: You're a goody two shoes! OP: Yes, mum. Mother: Your mum's a *****. OP: Right you are, mum.
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Comments (74)
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
"Mom, I don't need to know about your masturbation habits." is what you should have said. It's probably a good thing you didn't though, it's unlikely she would have got that in her inebriated state.
JMichael 26
Should of had a camera ready.
worldclassrager 41
Did she get herself confused with herself?
TheProblemGuy 4
You could be adopted...
awkwardloveannie 28
maybe you're adopted
JhovannyA 7
I sure hope your mother is doing better now.
1947Chevy 17
And everybody wonders why I like drunk people.
randome101 12
Hahahaha! Drunk words
karen1991 15
Sounds like my mom
dman798 18
She could have made yo mamma jokes