Kids: Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all...

Hey, OP here. I can clear a few things up. She was nearly arrested for breaking and entering and saw a 'cute' boy at the jail. Every day since (without my knowledge) she went to the jail and talked to him. I found out last week.

Kids

Age difference

Walk the line

Broken heart

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 28/06/2013 03:57

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 641

You deserved it 5 766

Mean meanie

By yeah uh huh - 15/06/2021 21:00

Today, my stepmother, an uncontrolled diabetic who refuses to change her abhorrent eating habits, berated me for how "mean" I am for limiting my kids’ junk food, and making them eat a portion of vegetables with every meal. Yeah, real mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 56

22/06/2015 03:08

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 581

You deserved it 2 348

07/11/2011 20:48

Today, I found out my soon to be ex-husband is going to be a father. We spent our entire marriage unsuccessfully trying for a baby. The mother of his unborn child isn't his new girlfriend, but someone else he was cheating on her with. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 200

You deserved it 3 227

14/10/2018 13:30

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been putting boogers in my belly button when I don't pay attention to her while we watch tv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 626

You deserved it 1 626

18/01/2012 22:30

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 191

You deserved it 6 758

28/10/2014 03:00

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 035

You deserved it 5 920

06/09/2015 12:46

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 565

You deserved it 2 750

27/06/2013 15:02

Today, at work, I politely asked a patron to be quieter; I was hit in the face. I work in a library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 035

You deserved it 3 901

06/07/2012 10:42

Today, I was the maid of honor at my sister's wedding. I was the first one to walk down the aisle, where I managed to trip over a wire, shutting off the music and falling on my face. My family cheered and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 490

You deserved it 3 511

15/03/2009 00:07

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 241

You deserved it 9 828

24/03/2013 05:30

Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 138

You deserved it 13 135

20/06/2013 01:09

Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 181

You deserved it 3 067

04/11/2012 00:37

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 045

You deserved it 3 409

Gassy

By Fartnonymous - 18/08/2015 10:59

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 655

You deserved it 2 653

29/06/2017 04:00

Today, I went to explore a beach that was rumoured to have big crabs on it instead of the usual small tide pool crabs. I found out that the rumours were true went I went to flip over a rock, which was in fact not a rock. I now have to explain to a doctor how I ended up needing stitches again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 839

You deserved it 1 223

The luck of the draw

By bl3ur0z3 - 30/09/2019 00:01

Today, my supervisor was in a leadership meeting pulling random calls for quality. Mine was chosen. He got excited and told them my stats and how I put him to shame with how I drive my team, that I'm the best and this call is going to be amazing. I was then written up for arguing with a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 344

06/03/2009 19:13

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 511

You deserved it 6 406

04/09/2011 04:08

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 697

You deserved it 6 232

27/01/2010 00:09

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 888

You deserved it 2 532

15/09/2018 15:00

Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 621

Vacation tips

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 14:01

Today, I had a whole month off before I started my new job. On day six, I had to go to the ER because of a kidney stone and had to get a ureteral stent. In two weeks they will remove the stone, then another week until they remove the stent. I will be recovered just in time for my first day of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 56

19/05/2010 01:23

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 468

You deserved it 7 233

25/12/2016 06:47

Today, I was caught doing it with my boyfriend in a car because we wanted to have privacy from my family. I'm a grown adult with my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 444

You deserved it 2 375

17/07/2009 15:01

Today, while backpacking in Switzerland I had my camera stolen. Not only does this have photos of my entire trip but the pictures I took for my best friend's wedding. I was the only photographer of her elopement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 051

You deserved it 12 180

Ouch

By Jackmeister - 03/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 7 071

22/06/2015 02:16

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 083

You deserved it 2 141

31/03/2009 10:44

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 611

You deserved it 7 916

13/11/2009 15:53

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 056

You deserved it 13 962

15/10/2010 06:00

Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 149

You deserved it 3 634

31/01/2012 00:20

Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 342

You deserved it 4 195

01/06/2012 04:48

Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 808

You deserved it 14 187

20/12/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into my office and found my ex-roommate going through my desk. Apparently, despite not wanting to be friends or even speak anymore, he has no qualms about "borrowing" my Master's thesis so he can compare and write his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 239

You deserved it 269

18/06/2009 02:40

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 190

You deserved it 17 998

09/12/2011 15:40

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 010

You deserved it 5 802

09/04/2016 15:26

Today, the nerves for my finals got so bad that I started stress-cleaning in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 350

You deserved it 1 523

15/03/2011 00:57

Today, a frog made my hot tub his new home. I can't stand frogs and he moves lightening fast. I think the only way to get rid of him is to turn the heat on and boil him. Which I would do if my daughter didn't already adore him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 867

You deserved it 11 342

09/09/2011 12:10

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 183

You deserved it 42 809

20/08/2009 20:15

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 094

You deserved it 45 187

12/08/2011 05:33

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 253

You deserved it 7 832

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Top comments

duuuh1 11

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 23:31

Who is she to stop her? HER MOTHER. She's underage, barely knows the boy, it isn't "love" and it's definitely her mother's business who she takes up with.

R3TROxLOV3 32

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 21:27

#47, please tell me you're being sarcastic.

Comments

_Heisenberg__ 15

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:38

Sounds like something Hailey from modern family would do...

Blastoid 13

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 18:52

or something like what Meg did from "Family Guy"..

incoherentrmblr 21

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 20:13

POD - Youth of the Nation...

TheTacoMan 24

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Thursday 29 May 2014 22:20

At least it's a Maximum Security Prison OP!

JMichael 25

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:39

Tell her if she don't change her choices she'll land herself a permanent spot.

chickenfeet223 11

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 21:49

And she won't find the love she is looking for in a female jail

Demig0d6 14

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Thursday 29 May 2014 4:26

Guess she's gonna learn it the hard way

EdenCrystal 21

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Thursday 29 May 2014 6:04

53, she could be bi or lesbian. And county jails hold both sexes, it is generally prisons that are separated.

TheTacoMan 24

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Thursday 29 May 2014 22:21

Or she'll land herself in a cemetery #2

curlytop101 23

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:39

I guess that's the real definition of "tough love"

gjikvtj 18

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Thursday 29 May 2014 5:45

Hey dad, I picked up this pretty cool guy. A question about him, though, what's child pornography?

Kenna515 13

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Cortezthe1st 23

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:42

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

cakefete2 30

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:54

From behind bars? How would that work? Imagine that conversation. "He did what?! Ok baby, just wait 'til I get paroled. I'll fix him good."

fsomelife 26

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:55

That way she should grab two - so they make sure to protect her from each other in the first place.

Enslaved 36

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 18:40

No parole would be needed. It's county jail not prison we're talking about. I'd be worried if I were the OP!

EdenCrystal 21

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Thursday 29 May 2014 6:06

So many flaws in that logic

Harpy20 24

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:42

Teen angst leads down some of the weirdest paths.

saucyrossi 18

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:43

Her heart's been imprisoned by love, what can you do about it?

PenguinBitch 43

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:45

You can't cage her true love.

Ihavegas 22

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:54

she is already in a cage, mental one.

cakefete2 30

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:56

Well... according to OP, the county already did.

Sandsh8rk 36

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:48

What a blockhead

cakefete2 30

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:57

Ok, Charlie Brown, no need for strong language now.

sweetest_jenn 18

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Thursday 29 May 2014 9:15

18, ain't nothing wrong with being a goober!

Miss_Whipped 43

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Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:53

Did he steal her heart?