Kids: Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all...

By _Ducks_ - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all the wrong places, specifically the county jail. FML

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_Ducks_ tells us more :

Hey, OP here. I can clear a few things up. She was nearly arrested for breaking and entering and saw a 'cute' boy at the jail. Every day since (without my knowledge) she went to the jail and talked to him. I found out last week.

Kids

Sorry…

Reliable

Freak Scene

By upsetandannoyed - United States

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning my apartment. 2 minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

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By peanutface - Canada

Today, not only did I miss my bus by seconds, I also saw the bus driver smirking as he drove past me in the middle of the Canadian winter. FML

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By betamaxjim - United Kingdom

Today, as I left class, I felt a tug on my rucksack from behind. Thinking it was just someone deliberately dragging me back, I struggled to let myself free and shouted, "Let go!" I looked over my shoulder just to find that one the straps was trapped in the doorhandle. Everyone was in hysterics. FML

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By fgbh456 - United States

Today, I confronted my mom about her drinking problems. After I blurted everything out, she completely denied it. She did this as she was drinking a huge cup full of vodka. FML

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By AfraidOfToxicity - 21/7/2020 02:02

Hypocrisy

Today, I had a friend quit every friend group we shared, all because I refused to show him favouritism in my D&D campaign, after I changed the rules to reduce favouritism between everyone, because he'd complained. FML

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By dumbwifehappylife - United States - Woodbine

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

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By soontobesingle - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jonesboro

Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML

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By CallmeEddie - United States - Joliet

Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML

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By Gloria

Today, I got home with my 3 best friends in tow, only to find my husband fast asleep on the sofa, porn playing on his laptop, his boxers around his ankles, and a sticky white mess all down his thigh. I am so beyond mortified I can’t adequately describe how embarrassed I am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my boyfriend told me that if he was to break up with me, he would do it in a crowded location so I couldn't start to cry or make a scene. FML

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By fviz - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

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By justlittleoldme - United States - Sarona

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

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By Mary - France

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

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By Big break - 18/5/2020 14:00

As seen on TV

Today, I finally got my big TV debut. After thousand of dollars in acting classes and years of waiting to become a professional actress, I got featured in a commercial. I will be rubbing toilet paper against my face for all of four seconds. Hurray, fame! FML

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By BrokeAndHungry - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML

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By Nakdnathan - United States

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

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By jbthedude - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

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By qtpieo1 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I baby sit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

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By DSM - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

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By p!nk - 12/9/2020 11:01 - United States

Policy schmolicy

Today, I let my daughter dye her hair pink. I got an email from her school stating that the hair color violated the school dress code as it's “distracting,” and she will not be allowed to attend classes until she changes it. We do school over Zoom. Not sure how her hair distracts on a screen. FML

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By so bored -__- - United States

Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML

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By newlyengaged - United States - Atlanta

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

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By monogamous - Australia

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

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By Océane Léana K

Today, after coming back from a trip to Africa where I got malaria, I went to the hospital for some blood tests. The doctor said, "Good news! You never had malaria! But they put you through a lot of dangerous treatments and now your liver has an anomaly." FML

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By spermbankonlegs - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML

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By Coyote

Today, a couple of friends and I went camping in a national park. When we got there, a ranger came up to us and said, "There have been many sightings of coyotes, don't worry, if they charge you, they'll bluff and flee at the last moment." We met a coyote, it didn't bluff. FML

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By CivE - United States

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

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By workaholic - United States

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

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By testom - Netherlands - Rotterdam

Today, my husband accidentally erased some pictures from our hard drive. No worries, nothing major: just everything from our wedding and the birth of our first child. FML

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By .... - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

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By Stephie2009 - United States

Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML

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By wheelmaker

Today, the girl I've had several passionate encounters over the past few weeks admitted we cannot entirely be together as she is married. She wants to make it work with me but cannot divorce as she would lose her visa. FML

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By Ali - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash. FML

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By Santa - Canada

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

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Top comments

By duuuh1 | 11

#5959103 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 23:31

Who is she to stop her? HER MOTHER. She's underage, barely knows the boy, it isn't "love" and it's definitely her mother's business who she takes up with.

By R3TROxLOV3 | 32

#5958989 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 21:27

#47, please tell me you're being sarcastic.

COMMENTS

By _Heisenberg__ | 15

#5958738 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:38

Sounds like something Hailey from modern family would do...

Blastoid | 13

#5958886 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 18:52

or something like what Meg did from "Family Guy"..

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5958937 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 20:13

POD - Youth of the Nation...

TheTacoMan | 24

#5960129 - Thursday 29 May 2014 22:20

At least it's a Maximum Security Prison OP!

By JMichael | 25

#5958739 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:39

Tell her if she don't change her choices she'll land herself a permanent spot.

chickenfeet223 | 11

#5959000 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 21:49

And she won't find the love she is looking for in a female jail

Demig0d6 | 14

#5959346 - Thursday 29 May 2014 4:26

Guess she's gonna learn it the hard way

EdenCrystal | 21

#5959405 - Thursday 29 May 2014 6:04

53, she could be bi or lesbian. And county jails hold both sexes, it is generally prisons that are separated.

TheTacoMan | 24

#5960130 - Thursday 29 May 2014 22:21

Or she'll land herself in a cemetery #2

By curlytop101 | 23

#5958740 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:39

I guess that's the real definition of "tough love"

gjikvtj | 18

#5959395 - Thursday 29 May 2014 5:45

Hey dad, I picked up this pretty cool guy. A question about him, though, what's child pornography?

By Kenna515 | 13

#5958741 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Cortezthe1st | 23

#5958754 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:42

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

cakefete2 | 30

#5958777 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:54

From behind bars? How would that work? Imagine that conversation. "He did what?! Ok baby, just wait 'til I get paroled. I'll fix him good."

fsomelife | 26

#5958780 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:55

That way she should grab two - so they make sure to protect her from each other in the first place.

Enslaved | 36

#5958876 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 18:40

No parole would be needed. It's county jail not prison we're talking about.
I'd be worried if I were the OP!

EdenCrystal | 21

#5959407 - Thursday 29 May 2014 6:06

So many flaws in that logic

By Harpy20 | 24

#5958755 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:42

Teen angst leads down some of the weirdest paths.

By saucyrossi | 18

#5958757 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:43

Her heart's been imprisoned by love, what can you do about it?

By PenguinBitch | 43

#5958762 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:45

You can't cage her true love.

Ihavegas | 22

#5958778 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:54

she is already in a cage, mental one.

cakefete2 | 30

#5958786 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:56

Well... according to OP, the county already did.

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#5958765 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:48

What a blockhead

cakefete2 | 30

#5958789 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:57

Ok, Charlie Brown, no need for strong language now.

sweetest_jenn | 18

#5959499 - Thursday 29 May 2014 9:15

18, ain't nothing wrong with being a goober!

By Miss_Whipped | 43

#5958774 - Wednesday 28 May 2014 16:53

Did he steal her heart?