Miscellaneous: Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the...

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 522

You deserved it 6 634

Miscellaneous

Frittering it away

Panic

Bored

By Username - 10/02/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer had kept my I.D by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 337

You deserved it 4 052

By LifeSucks - 08/11/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 957

You deserved it 2 486

Nice to know

By justin bieber's nutsack - 06/06/2015 07:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 176

You deserved it 2 777

Secret life

By FroggyGirl888 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 111

You deserved it 3 327

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 819

You deserved it 4 293

Zing!

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 02:00

Today, I overheard my wife and teenage daughter arguing. My wife was complaining that our daughter is unappreciative. "You should thank me for giving you life," she said. My daughter snapped, "I thank God for that, not you." My wife sighed and said, "He didn't have to sleep with your father." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 200

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 00:46 - United States - Oregon

Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 739

You deserved it 2 114

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 09:09 - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 253

You deserved it 11 876

By ip7 - 31/03/2015 19:24 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 933

You deserved it 21 041

Stuck

By Tabeling101 - 12/12/2016 01:51

Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 556

You deserved it 1 426

By 2234 - 04/10/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 312

You deserved it 48 339

By hastobeajoke - 31/01/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my 208th job application in less than a year, and went to my 83rd and 84th interviews, only to be told once again that I'm over-qualified for the first, and under-qualified for the second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 839

You deserved it 2 428

By emeraldapostle - 25/11/2018 17:30

Today, I had a good day at work. I got all of my stuff done, I got to eat, and I got to clock out on time. It only became a bad day when I was told by my boss that today was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 794

You deserved it 557

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 22:31 - United States - Malden

Today, my idiot neighbor decided the best way to dispose of the poison ivy in his yard was to pile it all up and burn it. I'm severely allergic. It was so bad that one of my eyes is still swollen half shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 114

You deserved it 1 347

By TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks - 11/09/2012 03:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 528

You deserved it 7 221

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 20:13 - United States

Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 096

You deserved it 4 563

By Anonymous - 23/09/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 886

You deserved it 37 606

By Ringless - 25/02/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 203

You deserved it 3 598

Bon appétit

By Anonymous - 05/09/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from underground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls, only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 957

You deserved it 24 606

By "mindy12182" - 29/12/2018 17:00 - United States - Des Moines

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 588

By onlyjuggalos - 31/01/2016 08:13 - United States

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 507

You deserved it 2 536

By Greig - 22/05/2011 12:18 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 902

You deserved it 3 772

By Anonymous - 18/04/2019 00:00

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 257

By Noname - 12/03/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156 945

You deserved it 17 983

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 06:37 - United States

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 954

You deserved it 56 193

By apawn - 22/07/2016 19:25

Today, I had the option of choosing a train or a plane to get to my destination. The train was cheaper but took 4 hours longer, so I picked the plane. My flight was delayed, so I essentially paid more to arrive later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 523

You deserved it 1 759

By Nikki - 05/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 751

You deserved it 67 329

By briscoe - 29/09/2015 02:48 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was on the train next to an elderly woman. When I told her it was my stop, she turned her knees towards the aisle, and I, thinking that she was letting me go by, began to edge past. She screamed, "DON'T PUSH ME!" and the whole train turned to look. I was thus the asshole pushing the old lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 961

You deserved it 1 677

By ohdear - 31/10/2011 15:38 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 575

You deserved it 5 292

By yeetyeet - 09/03/2019 22:00 - United States - Whitehall

Today, we were taking a bio quiz and I understood the subject, so the people sitting behind me asked me to help them out. Being a kind fellow classmate, I did. When the teacher got suspicious, she asked the class, "How are all of you getting the same answers?" everyone pointed directly at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 3 235

Wrong drugs

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 149

You deserved it 84 918

By some explaining to do - 25/12/2016 08:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my uncle's house to celebrate Christmas. His kids don't have their own phones so I let them play with mine. They sent all my contacts messages saying I love them, including two of my ex-girlfriends who both immediately wanted to make up and started to frantically call me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 274

You deserved it 3 108

By gibsonSG323 - 14/06/2010 23:13 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 663

You deserved it 28 504

By Samantha - 25/12/2018 02:00

Today, I discovered that my parents made a game out of my mental illness. Every morning, they have a bet on which one of them can make me cry first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 626

You deserved it 279

By kdmoney - 23/09/2011 06:16 - United States

Today, my mother said I am slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution: buying me a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 210

You deserved it 7 526

By Ignatius - 07/06/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 941

You deserved it 26 708

By anonymous - 13/06/2012 16:58 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 183

You deserved it 2 196

By lfssecond - 30/05/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 689

You deserved it 25 538

By clo_bo - 30/08/2019 20:00

Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 179

By doodoobref - 31/07/2015 05:38 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 873

You deserved it 29 988

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Top comments

Freeze_fml 16

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:03

Welcome to the real world. Maybe you can end up like Ke$ha and make money by spewing out crap.

theboldshadow 11

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:03

it might not be the music it's probably just not their preference

3mi1y_ 16

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 8:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

MrBlonde88 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:04

PRACTICE makes perfect.

Y_U_19029 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:32

you never know op, maybe there not into that kind of music. But if you make it big, dnt be like Justin beiber

CoconutBread 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:36

I guess music isn't your strong point.

Fml37 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 10:08

Actually #7, there are certain places that do use practise, instead of practice.

lovefreaxx 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 10:16

start using autotune. (;

kalixzo 11

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 12:43

LMAO YDI FOR MAKING FAGGET EMO MUSIC!!!!!!!!

rzbt21 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 12:58

we talkin about PRACTICE?!

ygdrassil 17

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 15:18

In British english, practise is a verb and practice is a noun. In American English, practice is both a noun and a verb.

RoxyRaccoon 4

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 16:39

I had always thought that practise was both a noun and a verb in British English. Thanks for enlightening me. :)

ATL_chris 6

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:03

lmfaooo @ 35, love A.I.

bigblue95 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 19:05

35 best comment. i love the video lmao

ninjacapo 2

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 21:12

u wanted the truth

ugwmii 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 5:38

dang. don't sweat it sis. not all of us have special tallents

holygodthatshars 0

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Saturday 1 October 2011 1:54

That sounds like my BFF, she would say it sucks too. She only likes things that have to do with herself. :(

iron_chefITALY 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:01

American idol isn't for you

unidentified_sta 5

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:22

Not necessarily, you can get by without talent. Just look around a bit.

meagy 6

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:51

Yeah, just look at Justine Bieber.

noseasmamon 0

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 8:03

lol #2 looks like he might rape Justin bieber ..

this_female 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:02

practice makes perfect , you'll get it that one day hahaha

MrPlopper 9

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Monday 20 August 2012 9:46

Baby!baby!baby! Ohhhhh Now I wanna die

Freeze_fml 16

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:03

Welcome to the real world. Maybe you can end up like Ke$ha and make money by spewing out crap.

SeduceRecycle 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:12

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!

nena123456789194 3

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:03

awe poor girl... but at least now u know!! :)

theboldshadow 11

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:03

it might not be the music it's probably just not their preference

primadonna9396 16

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 20:13

This is what I was going to say.. I mean, I can't STAND the Beatles; music. Does that mean the members were not talented? Of course not. But if my brother puts on his Beatles CD, yeah, I'll tell him to turn that shit off.

kellymcdox_fml 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:04

that sucks :-(

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:05

So sorry, OP! I don't know if I would rather have an honest opinion or a nice one...But I suppose the honest opinion can be more valuable, as hard as it is to hear. :/ If singing really is your passion, then don't give up! Practice, practice, practice. I read a quote on the wrapper of a Dove chocolate that's somewhat cheesy but actually applies in this situation: "If you fall down 7 times, get up 8."

dylanmusic 0

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Sunday 12 September 2010 9:19

I like 9 :) so positive!

schwancy 2

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:07

Better to hear the harsh truth from your friends than to embarass yourself later on.

oshi16toofly 0

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Tuesday 31 August 2010 9:10

screw that honey whether singing is your passion or not if your homie said it wasn't good it probably wasn't. If your friend really cares about you they'll tell you the truth. better he/she tell you now than wait till it's to late and you make a fool of yourself.