Today, while I was staying at a farm for a few nights, I got really connected to a chicken I met. It was so tame and really cuddly. I legit loved it so much. Later on, we had chicken for dinner. It was the same chicken. He also had a name. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, my neighbors got a rooster. FML
Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter thought it was funny that the chicken on her plate and chickens on farms are called the same name. I had my mouth full so I couldn’t stop my rotten eldest son from saying, “That’s because chicken is dead chickens.” Cue her crying while my son cackled like a sociopath. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML
Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML
Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML
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Top comments
DevoutOccamist 12
welcome to the farm. all of my steaks had a name too. and my porkchops.
JackWood 21
It's a farm not a chicken ranch. Go to Vegas for that.
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Comments (6)
DevoutOccamist 12
welcome to the farm. all of my steaks had a name too. and my porkchops.
JackWood 21
It's a farm not a chicken ranch. Go to Vegas for that.
poopface82 25
I’ve eaten a cow that had my name - the cow was named after me. But yours is worse since you had a bond with the chicken.
Marcella1016 32
If I had to raise my own food, I don’t think I could eat meat. I would really feel like I’m killing a friend. I’m sorry that happened to you. I mean, you were on a farm so it’s not completely unexpected, but it really sucks that the chicken apparently had such a great personality and you bonded with it. RIP, Mr. ****. And I really wanna make a **** gobbler joke, but you’ve been through enough. You’re probably still digesting the situation and now is not the time for tasteless humor.
RichardPencil 32
I don't think you understand what a farm is. Almost all farms are death camps for animals or vegetables. Except dairy farms. There, the victims get sexually harassed regularly. How would you like getting your ******* groped without your consent?
Marcella1016 32
How dare you threaten us with a good time?!
MAT1 7
I’m sure you’re a hoot at dinner parties, Richard! your skills at emptying a room are probably unrivalled! 🙄
Marcella1016 32
For me, MAT, I love browsing FML in the little moments of the day when I’m bored. But only like 4-5 a day are published, so the comments for me are like dessert that extend my little fix. Some people add long paragraphs of amazing life advice, and others make silly dad jokes and puns. Some people go for shock humor, and some people complain about the state of society. It runs the gamut, and I know I’ve done all of them (as has RichardPencil and a few others). Aside from Reddit, FML is one of the few places online that still has a comment section that hasn’t been driven off by political trolls and bots. This is in no small part due to Alan’s meticulous and dedicated monitoring and moderating of the comments back in 2009-2010-ish. Today, the community is much smaller, and it nearly disappeared when I came back to FML a few years ago. At one point, barely anyone commented anymore because no one replied - what was the point? But there was one lone voice who stuck around and commented on every. Single. *******. FML. It didn’t matter if anyone replied. It didn’t matter if anyone complained about his often crass humor. It didn’t matter if people cursed him out or Alan himself put him in time-out for a few days. He was there, consistently. And people replied, and a tiny community was kept alive here after so many moved on. Thanks to his persistence, RichardPencil kept the comment section alive, and I believe that thanks to him being a catalyst for some form of conversation, several people kept coming back probably more often than they would have otherwise. So the comment section lives on, and I can extend my little FML fixes. For these reasons, I will always appreciate RichardPencil’s presence here regardless of his type of humor. Thank you, Pencil Dick.
JackWood 21
I don't think you understand how a farm works. Cows will line up and wait. They will even wait in the same order day after day. They love to get milked. ydi
RichardPencil 32
Thank you for your kind words! I think it's more fun to let readers figure out the joke buried in my name. Nevertheless, I have fun here and I think it makes my writing in other areas better (although I don't use "...wait on it..." very much outside of FML.) And, yes, Jack, I do know how dairy farms work. Do you know how Stockholm Syndrome works?
CowgirlWithHeart 16
I'm sorry, thats rough, at least he had a good life until then though! Thats a bright side, but its rough I have had chickens and they can be awesome.