Intimacy: Liquored up

Liquored up

By OyGeeze28 - 09/08/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he "drank the whole bottle of Jack" he "couldn't get it up" for his wife. He thought that alcohol was supposed to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his "whiskey dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 013

You deserved it 3 148

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 11:11 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 354

You deserved it 2 256

Cash me?

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 11:00 - Canada - Lakeville

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 118

Casual perv

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me, "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 500

You deserved it 6 038

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 00:49 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 426

You deserved it 21 389

By fuck you, dad - 27/09/2012 18:36 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 701

You deserved it 6 314

I'm not paid enough for this shit

By Bartender - 20/10/2014 21:04 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 526

You deserved it 2 642

By PerfectVision - 11/09/2014 06:49 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 080

You deserved it 3 249

By useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 293

You deserved it 12 381

By Cup_of___ - 26/11/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 939

You deserved it 30 137

Receipe ideas

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 16:00

Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 150

unluckiestperson_fml 14

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:01

"Whiskey dick." Some images you just can't erase from your mind

Youtube00 5

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:06

Whiskey dicks, always better than "Rum"-ginas

Comments

unluckiestperson_fml 14

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:01

"Whiskey dick." Some images you just can't erase from your mind

Iamnotmyself 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:05

Is it bag I thought of his dick in a bottle?

ktateprado 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:11

It is described on jersey shore actually. Except it is the opposite of this situation. (see what I did there?)

Idonebeenhad 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:52

it's very bag

Idonebeenhad 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:52

it's very bag

Iamnotmyself 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:56

-36 lol I didn't catch it in time to edit. Unhappyface >:(

enonymous 8

Tuesday 9 August 2011 18:01

My penis enjoys to soak in the finest single malt available...

imthatguythatdid 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 21:13

Lol, Whiskey Dick, too funny

brittanycox 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 10:17

Haha omg

Idonebeenhad 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:02

Tell him to mix it with some Viagra. Muahahaha

yamatelle 19

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:54

Viagra: The quicker dicker upper

jtuck87 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:54

Jericho!!

jtuck87 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:54

Jericho!!

ktateprado 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 19:42

It would never go down.

j_cat187 19

Thursday 11 August 2011 7:48

Od on Viagra and have a cat attack your monster dick

Youtube00 5

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:06

Whiskey dicks, always better than "Rum"-ginas

commietaco 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 19:40

what about bloody mary ass holes? too early?

sxe_beast 11

Tuesday 9 August 2011 22:37

Your little brother's asshole was a Bloody Mary after I... oh wait... what?

cowsgomooatyou 8

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:06

He sounds like an absolute sex machine.

FMLandurstoo 9

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:07

I love you Boners.

MAXCAT1220 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:08

What does a whisky dick look like and plus alcohol does the opposite lol

HailSatan66 5

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:20

What?

genesisnirvana 11

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:52

Whisky dick = nonboner thats what it looks like

powahtothepeople 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:58

Limp! Also, alcohol constricts the body's blood vessels, no blood no love! ;)

otb113 7

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:47

it looks like a flaccid dick..

fucking_dev 2

Thursday 8 November 2012 22:34

that's exactly what I was thinking .. alcohol sets you up for a good 3 hours of sex . lol

FMLandurstoo 9

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:09

You should have to have a certain iq to purchase alcohol.

asherah14 7

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:03

So damn true!

bizarre_ftw 21

Thursday 11 August 2011 2:57

Perhaps but every time you do that goes down a little bit o.O

nyklo 11

Wednesday 10 June 2015 2:18

I read that in Herbert's voice.

AvikC818 8

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:19

This is really funny

MangoRico1 1

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:20

Who Fault is it for his beer belly?

Iamnotmyself 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:34

-7 Wait in line like the rest of us.

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Sex Intimacy Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 093

You deserved it 3 098

Today, my girlfriend, for our first time having sex, wanted to do stepbrother roleplay. Not only is that odd for our first time, it’s a weird fetish to have, especially when she actually does have a stepbrother. We ended up not finishing having sex, it was too weird for me FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 956

You deserved it 279

The Top

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 521

You deserved it 39 613

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument while driving home from visiting family. We pulled into a gas station, and I went inside to grab a drink and cool down. When I came back out, both car and boyfriend were nowhere in sight. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 962

You deserved it 5 710

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 541

You deserved it 12 509

Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a little while, I noticed that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 246

You deserved it 4 583

Today, I went to a movie and a dinner with a girl. During dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I checked my social media feeds while waiting for her to return. She'd posted on her Twitter "Worst. Ever." I thought it was going well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 654

You deserved it 3 032

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting out, "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 672

You deserved it 42 599

Liquored up

Same thing different taste

Cash me?

Casual perv

I'm not paid enough for this shit

Receipe ideas

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