By Anonymous - Canada - Lakeville

Cash me?

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1734

You deserved it

108

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Work

Instadrama

The opposite of a good idea

Death at one's elbow

By Still No Ring - United States - Lisbon

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house with his family. A kitten walks over to me with an engagement ring tied to its collar and a note that says "Marry Me?" I got super excited, only to find out that it was for his brother's girlfriend of 10 months, not me. We've been together 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16836

You deserved it

1460

Favorite

By johnnyfuckfacer - Canada - Concord

Today, I walked into work, after having given my boss a weather prediction last week, so he could decide on which day to open a new company division. I was immediately taken aside and written up for "providing false information, adversley impacting morale". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20899

You deserved it

2243

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By tooembarrassed - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19103

You deserved it

1963

Favorite

By mommy - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my ex husband calls my son anymore, is to ask him to send him things on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27422

You deserved it

2512

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Franklin Park

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48646

You deserved it

10960

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By Kevin - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10176

You deserved it

42777

Favorite

By Hopelesshomeless - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I moved back to my home town. My best friend and I had arranged to rent a house together that we both liked. I finished my last day at work and made the three-hour drive, only for her to break down and tell me that she isn't "ready" to move out of her parents' basement. She's 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35950

You deserved it

2897

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32372

You deserved it

3084

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By Username

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21809

You deserved it

57007

Favorite

By Zoogangcapk

Double Impact

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

510

You deserved it

9726

Favorite

By Anonymous - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39703

You deserved it

3743

Favorite

By Tom - United States

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80749

You deserved it

6873

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34180

You deserved it

3531

Favorite

By Dogs loose - France

Today, I found out that there's nothing like having to chase a 100-something lb. Bloodhound around the neighborhood when you're 8 months pregnant, with a 3 and 4 year old in tow. Especially when she runs the other way at the sight of you coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30875

You deserved it

4344

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was loading a very large box into my hatchback. I was really struggling, and a few people walked by and laughed. Then a car pulled up and waited for the spot. There isn't a spring to hold my trunk open, so it slammed onto my head. Twice. The car honked for me to hurry up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26648

You deserved it

2430

Favorite

By FrozenD - Canada

Today, my furnace and all of my heating systems broke down. A fridge is 3 degrees Celsius; it is now 2 degrees Celsius in my house. I would be warmer in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35597

You deserved it

2252

Favorite

By worthless - United States

Downhill

Today, I was reading my boyfriend's online diary. It started off really sweet, saying he was in a wonderful relationship with me, and how he utterly adored me. It then slowly progressed into loathing and wondering what he ever saw in me, all because I have a low sex-drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33959

You deserved it

19287

Favorite

By Gary

Today, after countless failed rejections and derision from women, I've realized that the only time I experience any sort of happiness is when I'm eating. They say there's someone out there for all of us, but maybe that's not true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1560

You deserved it

243

Favorite

By ayw329 - United States

Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44272

You deserved it

17000

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By nothappywithlife - United States

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

259341

You deserved it

13044

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By Boulette - France - Dammartin-en-go?le

Today, I was on vacation, when a very cute guy starting talking to me and asked me what my name was. Overwhelmed and stressed out, I blurted out that I didn't have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50857

You deserved it

12639

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2020 10:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

The World won't Listen

Today, I went round to see a friend who recently had a heart attack and was finding it difficult to shop for herself. She complained about the food being "too healthy" and wanted bags of chips and frozen rubbish instead. Her being overweight directly caused her heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

735

You deserved it

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By Mak1 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79528

You deserved it

4645

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By Anonymous

Today, I think I found out just how many times I've ordered through UberEats when my delivery guy told me that, "We should stop seeing each other like this!" with a chuckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1435

You deserved it

471

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2021 11:01

Anyone there?

Today, I'm still waiting for my current job, which gaslit me in various ways for a year, to acknowledge my month's notice. My new job starts in 3 weeks. I'm genuinely not sure if my (ex) managers and HR are all on furlough, or if they're just fucking with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

809

You deserved it

Favorite

By enjoy

Today, I lost my cell phone. But found it again! And then dropped it in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48304

You deserved it

23041

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31069

You deserved it

4630

Favorite

By WartCream - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44570

You deserved it

4821

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By EastOneTen - United States

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26228

You deserved it

3496

Favorite

By Anonymous

Fight!

Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2034

You deserved it

156

Favorite

By Random dog owner

Today, I realized I've been hit in the balls more in the past two years than the rest of my life. Why? My dog is always happy to see me and his tail is just the right height. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6302

You deserved it

681

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By biblewanker - Australia

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39545

You deserved it

3548

Favorite

By Aimee Lutz

Cat Burglar!

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3037

You deserved it

1056

Favorite

By imabadperson - United States

Today, I introduced myself as a sex addict, as a joke, to break the ice while meeting new people. One of my friends took me seriously and said he was a porn addict. He told me how happy he was that he had found someone else who had the same feelings and was so happy he could confide in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9465

You deserved it

44031

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35021

You deserved it

7953

Favorite

By Hellohaileyexoh - United States

Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72971

You deserved it

5886

Favorite

By ktorih137 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I was dancing in the passenger seat of my car with my family when a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down for help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42424

You deserved it

13465

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1642

You deserved it

815

Favorite

By drunkfacebookuser - Australia

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45609

You deserved it

13851

Favorite

By justinmdent - United States - Excelsior Springs

Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36588

You deserved it

2939

Favorite

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Top comments

By tounces7 | 27

#7839121 - Monday 2 September 2019 17:12

Guess it's a good thing most liqueur stores have cameras so she can be identified and arrested.

By MidnaLink | 32

#7839118 - Monday 2 September 2019 17:05

So, you didn’t kick Danielle out as soon as you saw her?

COMMENTS

By MidnaLink | 32

#7839118 - Monday 2 September 2019 17:05

So, you didn’t kick Danielle out as soon as you saw her?

jbuckets_404 | 38

#7839233 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 1:05

Danielle, who?

MidnaLink | 32

#7839241 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 1:19

Look up Danielle Bregoli.

By tounces7 | 27

#7839121 - Monday 2 September 2019 17:12

Guess it's a good thing most liqueur stores have cameras so she can be identified and arrested.

By zeffra13 | 31

#7839136 - Monday 2 September 2019 17:50

She might have meant catch.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7839140 - Monday 2 September 2019 18:03

I'm not fluent in Drunk, but I think she just asked you out on a date.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7839232 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 1:03

Don't even need to catch her; simply ban/ prevent her from ever (successfully) entering the store again. Problem solved!

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7839251 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 1:55

Bhad Babie has grown up to be Drunk-Ass Skank.

By icecreamisrad | 13

#7839571 - Wednesday 4 September 2019 14:59

This made my night hahahahahaahaha🤣😂🤣😂

By JasonThorn | 18

#7839985 - Friday 6 September 2019 3:56

God, I hated these people when I worked the graveyard shift. This is why I'd first and foremost take the alcohol away from them so they won't break it when they got the bad news...