By Anonymous - Canada - Lakeville

Cash me?

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1708

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105

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Work

Instadrama

In my day…

Forever the bridesmaid

By Luke - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was robbed. I didn't know how the robber got in, as there was no clear signs of forced entry. I later found out that my psycho ex had written my address on the key I lent her when we were going out. And then purposely left it on a table in a café. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25121

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2588

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By ::Tracy:: - Australia

Today, a young boy helped me carry my groceries home. He then asked me to sign his sheet to certify that he had done half an hour of service to the elderly. I'm 46. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41635

You deserved it

5787

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By Anonymous Baker

Today, I got a write-up because I told my boss that it was impossible to have pies, which have a bake time of 1 hour, ready for a customer who wanted them in the next 15 to 20 minutes. Then, when the customer got there and the pies were still in the oven, I got a second write-up for wasting time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2192

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By Elizabeth Ann

Today, after months of planning, I finally got my first tattoo: my cat's paw print. I love it so I showed my friends pictures. One said it looks like poop and the other said it looks like I have a disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2336

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982

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By labie

Today, my girlfriend angrily broke up with me. The reason? I misgendered her new dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4995

You deserved it

524

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18340

You deserved it

38085

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By Volume_control - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9792

You deserved it

31058

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By Stinky. - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25585

You deserved it

2725

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31556

You deserved it

2551

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By Anonymous - Argentina

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32290

You deserved it

3876

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By Anonymous - United States - Evansville

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72687

You deserved it

4847

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By Panda Man - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a meeting with my girlfriend, who I live with and work with but on different teams. Both our teams got laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2834

You deserved it

124

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By Ishikur - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25385

You deserved it

1618

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2020 17:00

Inappropriate crush

Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1294

You deserved it

303

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By Shaving it off

Today, when I showed someone my 9-year old passport, she commented, “you look so different! Now you have that Jason Statham thing going on!” My hair goes down to my shoulders; this confirms my receding hairline is real and it’s time to come to grips. At least I’m over 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1840

You deserved it

323

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By maddie - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60241

You deserved it

7509

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By hallofail - United States - Birmingham

Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31513

You deserved it

2955

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By issue

Today, I tried to get a job at Walmart. My mom was the hiring manager. She turned me down due to lack of work experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2963

You deserved it

393

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By Jeremy - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27173

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86817

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's house party. She got incredibly drunk and I spent the whole night looking after her when she was throwing up. In the brief moment before she passed out she said "thanks Matt, you're a great boyfriend." Matt is her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50322

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5992

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By seb21 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42404

You deserved it

2297

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By moose - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there's a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can't get it up because I smell like his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12110

You deserved it

2840

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By lovelife - United States

Today, I was robbed of five bucks by a vending machine that said "Enjoy Life!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27844

You deserved it

3757

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By whinywiper - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23392

You deserved it

3788

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By Sfg_926 - United States - Newberg

Today, I told one of my coworkers that she looked really cute today. Later she sent an email to me and cc'd the entire office saying "It really makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me. And I shouldn't have to feel that way at work." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14304

You deserved it

3109

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22898

You deserved it

2578

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By SupermarketSally - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9153

You deserved it

577

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68827

You deserved it

12168

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By brittholzworth

Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1106

You deserved it

686

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By poor guy - 13/3/2020 05:16 - United States

Good deed, but still…

Today, I was at Goodwill and I saw my bike, which was stolen from me a couple of weeks ago. It was a gift that my mom gave me for my birthday. The bike was being sold for 65 dollars. I had to buy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1631

You deserved it

121

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 21:32 - India

Knock next time please

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

731

You deserved it

585

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By thanks, Nemo. - United States - Hayward

Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51475

You deserved it

18685

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By Gabby125 - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27544

You deserved it

4280

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By Anonymous - United States - Athena

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21832

You deserved it

1709

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By teinage - Belgium

Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37682

You deserved it

3092

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By frustrated - Australia

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23480

You deserved it

2576

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By Trollface - Canada

Today, while cuddling in bed, I tried to tell my girlfriend she was cute. It came out, "I wish you were cuter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6163

You deserved it

3565

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By Brilee Bruxvoort - 31/5/2020 23:00

Don't give up

Today, after finally putting my foot down and trying to kick my husband out for his alcoholism, I got a lecture from his parents about how much of a piece of shit I am for "giving up" on their son. I've been trying to get him to get help for the past three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1994

You deserved it

134

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By veggieluver - United States - Scarsdale

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36852

You deserved it

3231

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By EconM - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51078

You deserved it

5319

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Top comments

By tounces7 | 27

#7839121 - Monday 2 September 2019 17:12

Guess it's a good thing most liqueur stores have cameras so she can be identified and arrested.

By MidnaLink | 32

#7839118 - Monday 2 September 2019 17:05

So, you didn’t kick Danielle out as soon as you saw her?

COMMENTS

By MidnaLink | 32

#7839118 - Monday 2 September 2019 17:05

So, you didn’t kick Danielle out as soon as you saw her?

jbuckets_404 | 38

#7839233 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 1:05

Danielle, who?

MidnaLink | 32

#7839241 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 1:19

Look up Danielle Bregoli.

By tounces7 | 27

#7839121 - Monday 2 September 2019 17:12

Guess it's a good thing most liqueur stores have cameras so she can be identified and arrested.

By zeffra13 | 31

#7839136 - Monday 2 September 2019 17:50

She might have meant catch.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7839140 - Monday 2 September 2019 18:03

I'm not fluent in Drunk, but I think she just asked you out on a date.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7839232 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 1:03

Don't even need to catch her; simply ban/ prevent her from ever (successfully) entering the store again. Problem solved!

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7839251 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 1:55

Bhad Babie has grown up to be Drunk-Ass Skank.

By icecreamisrad | 13

#7839571 - Wednesday 4 September 2019 14:59

This made my night hahahahahaahaha🤣😂🤣😂

By JasonThorn | 18

#7839985 - Friday 6 September 2019 3:56

God, I hated these people when I worked the graveyard shift. This is why I'd first and foremost take the alcohol away from them so they won't break it when they got the bad news...