Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also confessed that she has been cheating on me with my best friend for 10 years. I appreciated the honesty, but was slightly upset considering we have only been married for 9 years. FML
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
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Top comments
Sekkaichi 12
I'm guessing he wants you out of the picture.
dramaelf 37
Wow. No donuts for him.
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Comments (89)
mr_jack_meoff 5
Can't blame the cop, gotta blame the whorish wife, if not the cop, someone else would be slopping around in your ****.
Aregonde 15
Sexist twat.
Citronnelle_fml 9
Are you by any chance R. Kelly? What is this, some hip-hop opera?
graphicstyle7 17
Perhaps it's time to start leading a life where the words "arrested twice" are not said except in referring to the distant past. Having said that, I'm not sure if I can blame your wife for wanting to trade up.
flyersfan345 5
Kick him to shit.
BunBunBabe 8
Use that as evidence- against the officer. That's harassment. Sue the state and get him in jail
sameboysamesame 11
Lol! this reminded me of trapped in the closet...
rlTlk 13
You might be able to get your charges thrown out based in that right? I'd definitely think so, talk to a lawyer.
brandoneyez1 25
I think you need a couple lawyers stat!
sailorarctic 22
she had to pay your bail somehow. unless you were arrested twice for domestic abuse in which case YDI.
1000suns 1
Cops are assholes OP!