Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also confessed that she has been cheating on me with my best friend for 10 years. I appreciated the honesty, but was slightly upset considering we have only been married for 9 years. FML
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
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Top comments
Sekkaichi 12
I'm guessing he wants you out of the picture.
dramaelf 37
Wow. No donuts for him.
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Comments (89)
lynnlove19 5
Kill him! Jk don't
Sanch3232 5
Sounds like the plot of a bad porno
ThatDemonChild 6
And that's why he keeps arresting you.
satisfication 6
I would **** that guy up somehow, whatever the consequences
mr_jack_meoff 5
He must be servicing and erect instead of serve and protect.
rfid_fml 13
Ouch.... If you didn't deserve the arrests. If you're in a one party consent to record state, record the wife admitting to the affair, then record the police officer doing the same. Take said recordings, file a complaint, threaten to sue for harassment, abuse of power, and violating your civil rights. Now, on to the wife: if you're in a one party consent to record state, chances are good you're not a zero fault divorce state as well. Sue for divorce, make it hurt, and I don't mean take her for everything. I mean death by a million paper cuts hurt. Very slyly turn everyone against her, remove her will to fight, slowly, mercilessly. But be subtle, don't do it openly, maintain composure in any way possible. However, if she did this, because of something you did, and you deserve the arrests, I hope she finds this FML, prints it out, and gives it to everyone that you know. I'd also recommend letting her go peacefully.
WWEPats28 6
NOW HE'S TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET!
thisgurl1 4
wow!that's sad. You should totally egg his house or something.
hugsntugs 1
You should learn how bang your wife, obviously you are lame in the sack
ThatJamaican 8
Damn :/