Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, during my sister’s baby shower, my 3 year-old daughter choked on a piece of food. My sister got upset because this apparently attracted a lot of attention from the other guests, and called my daughter an “attention whore” for “choosing today of all days to make a damn scene.” FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
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Top comments
rosenkrieger223 24
That's more than just a little extreme. That's in the realm of insanely extreme.
DanqGirlxoxo 13
Mother in laws know how to swallow more than anyone , they just don't admit it. That's why they try to make themselves seem to perfect.
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Comments (93)
groovycrazyjoe 18
I would've kick her out my house
jaybear13 14
thafs hilarious. your mother in law needs to lighten up
FlyingPie 17
It's hard to believe that came out of his mouth. That situation must have been hard to swallow.
amifaiyaz 12
Well, it is true.
Raykyogrou03 12
Well. In-laws are known to be ******* retarded
miniski5 11
Spitters are quitters
Eloras_Mom 0
The reason she wanted to call CPS is probably cause she thought OP must be making the kids do perverse things to him. Probably pictured him saying that to the kids during a sexual act and that was where they heard it. You cant trust anyone these days. And its not unheard of for a father to do that. Of course, it would take a helluva a lot more to make me suspect child abuse. Mom In Law really has it out for this poor guy.
ChibiChibi_fml 27
I think most people got that. That doesn't change the fact that C.P.S. probably would have laughed their asses off at her because kids say the darnedest things. It also really doesn't change the fact that the Mother-in-Law has a filthy mind. "Good girls swallow their veggies, not spit them out."
archos58 10
The bitch would not be welcome in my home or near my children afterwards.
PapiShampoo 5
You should have told her "Fine, Catch U Next Tuesday when they come"
Ducreaux 7
Your soon is correct tho