Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, during my sister’s baby shower, my 3 year-old daughter choked on a piece of food. My sister got upset because this apparently attracted a lot of attention from the other guests, and called my daughter an “attention whore” for “choosing today of all days to make a damn scene.” FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
rosenkrieger223 24
That's more than just a little extreme. That's in the realm of insanely extreme.
DanqGirlxoxo 13
Mother in laws know how to swallow more than anyone , they just don't admit it. That's why they try to make themselves seem to perfect.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (93)
Koppol 15
He probably heard it from kids at school, kids at that age know so much more than you think...
SWC_Penguin 17
Should'a said: "If my son HAD seen **** he'd be smart enough to know that his sister isn't choking on semen at the dinner table, unlike you, who apparently can't tell the difference."
alwaysmalia 12
Haha! At least he's honest..
worldclassrager 39
Kids say the darnest things...
LyraAlluse 25
Actually CPS would have taken that seriously IF other things were going on like trash around the house, sign of emaciation in the children, repeatative cursing, and so on. But this is just a case of kids say the darndest things.
ozpunker 20
I highly doubt that the 5 year old really knows what it means anyway.
sassy2085 16
Well the in laws are the ones that have the dirty mind. Perhaps if there mind get out of the gutter they will see it was a completely innocent comment. Shame on them.
starw0lf 31
Can you call CPS for that? It could have been something the kid heard on television or something.
blackman100 20
With the swallowing, and the girls and... bwaaa, you know what I'm talkin about.
DriAA7 17
Just act oblivious to what it means and then she'll look like she has a dirty mind.