Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, during my sister’s baby shower, my 3 year-old daughter choked on a piece of food. My sister got upset because this apparently attracted a lot of attention from the other guests, and called my daughter an “attention whore” for “choosing today of all days to make a damn scene.” FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
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Top comments
rosenkrieger223 24
That's more than just a little extreme. That's in the realm of insanely extreme.
DanqGirlxoxo 13
Mother in laws know how to swallow more than anyone , they just don't admit it. That's why they try to make themselves seem to perfect.
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Comments (93)
spunkylady 24
kids... they will repeat everything they hear! I bet he heard it from another kid he happened to be around in school or something lol.
chabelo 10
sounds like your mother in law doesn't want you with her daughter anymore and that's what I called a "scuse"
SasquatchJHawk 7
Seriously CPS over that?! What a ****
klovemachine 24
What a bitch-in-law :O
Jaxx66 21
i normally dont like the C word. but in this casr i think it fits perfectly.
sig4life 18
She sounds like a monster-inlaw, and not a smart one either.
PhDInLife 8
Love how kids never hear you yelling for them, but they'll repeat the most inappropriate phrases they heard three blocks away in a thunderstorm...
gixxy73 1
I don't understand what he said was so wrong, sounded pretty innocent to me. It's typical of adults to sexualise everything, to me just sounds like a phrase a parent would say to encourage good eating
SamCat 21
thank you, I have two toddlers and my first thought was that the son had to have heard that around the dinner table to get the little sister to eat :) Children are like parrots & repeat everything.
DrownedMyFish 18
That's what I was thinking. He was obviously talking about food. It's not OP's fault his mother-in -law has a dirty mind.
nbandofbrothers 10
He speaks the truth.
thatnucca 36
Oh Lawd....
hotshot0185 15
Well they do.
Jharrist89 12
That's a bitch move. We're all so perverted that we tend to forget that children say the most horrible things even if they made it up. I doubt your son was thinking the way we're all thinking. **** your husbands mother btw.
OliveCx 10
Some kids hold on to everything, even if you only said it once and didn't think they could hear you.