Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, during my sister’s baby shower, my 3 year-old daughter choked on a piece of food. My sister got upset because this apparently attracted a lot of attention from the other guests, and called my daughter an “attention whore” for “choosing today of all days to make a damn scene.” FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
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Top comments
rosenkrieger223 24
That's more than just a little extreme. That's in the realm of insanely extreme.
DanqGirlxoxo 13
Mother in laws know how to swallow more than anyone , they just don't admit it. That's why they try to make themselves seem to perfect.
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Comments (93)
Omniprism 14
To me that sounds like it could almost be innocent. Like and older person telling that to a child and he over heard. I know it's a derogatory term but I think in this instance someone used it innocently... maybe like day care?
yesyesnonono 10
He may have never never even heard that sentence but simply meant that it's the right/typical thing to do to swallow your food rather than cough it up. The sexual act of swallowing probably had absolutely no bearing on what he meant.
timss4 19
Lol definitely could've heard it at school even when you're 5. I heard tht stuff as early as 2nd grade and that was 16 years ago before kids got as crazy as they are now
EtherealNight85 9
Something a teacher taught me: you can help yourself (or your image at least) while being screamed at - by keeping your decibals low. Maybe CPS would investigate the correct person when called :P
PaintedTempest 14
Now this is of now fault of your own, OP, but it is a sad world we live it today when our children curse, sag their pants, make perverted jokes, and grow up having role models like Justin Bieber. And it was wrong of your in-laws to think that way. The kid is five for Pete's sake!
minidrone_fml 11
As much as I undertand your being embarrassed I have to say the image of a 5year-old saying that sort of things made me laugh my head off. I just hope mine will never do that to me.
graceG2011 10
"Good Girls Swallow" is also a way to say eat your food and swallow it (basically eating disorders awareness). I don't think the kid meant it as a sexual reference.
mr_jack_meoff 5
Moms in law isn't calling anyone. The authorities could just as we'll said moms in law taught him that. Good girls swish it around in their mouth then swallow.
knightofbreath 7
"Good girls swallow" is actually an anti-eating disorder slogan put out by the Joy Project (joyproject.org).
scifichic92 8
I think some people already said this on here, but it is an ad-campaign against eating disorders. He probably saw it on a commercial.