By Anonymous - Australia - Mulgrave

Get Out

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

I agree, your life sucks

51055

You deserved it

8103

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Empathy lives

Time's up

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30938

You deserved it

2725

Favorite

By notworthit - United States

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28673

You deserved it

4641

Favorite

By im_radd - United States

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8723

You deserved it

46884

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

60028

You deserved it

3488

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25446

You deserved it

2516

Favorite

By joyness - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42144

You deserved it

24654

Favorite

By random - United States

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23333

You deserved it

3362

Favorite

By Courtney - United States

Kids…

Today, at my job as a teacher, I saw a student cut another student's hair, I stopped a group of students from eating glue, and I had to tell a student to put away the toy cars he was playing with. I teach high school math. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17281

You deserved it

1246

Favorite

By frownyface - United States

Today, my family and I were burning our Christmas tree. For a laugh, my dad jokingly pushed me toward the fire. I tripped, and my doctor says the burns are probably going to scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45476

You deserved it

3174

Favorite

By makeitstop - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16557

You deserved it

63422

Favorite

By confused - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35286

You deserved it

25875

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was waiting inside the shelter at the bus stop when a lady came up to me and asked if I would mind if she peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31135

You deserved it

2342

Favorite

By injuredwifelady - United States - Omaha

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20757

You deserved it

1976

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14207

You deserved it

32257

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36605

You deserved it

5228

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53609

You deserved it

4727

Favorite

By Tang - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he wasn't on Facebook for the last two days. It turned out his father found out we were talking, and banned him from logging on. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5788

You deserved it

549

Favorite

By good job bf - United States - Southampton

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49093

You deserved it

2872

Favorite

By random1456

Today, my credit card got declined while I was buying anti-depressants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2130

You deserved it

311

Favorite

By Mush - France - Montpellier

Today, after an 8-month wait, I went on my big vacation. The beach, the sea, the dive, the jellyfish, the allergic reaction, the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26632

You deserved it

1721

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38757

You deserved it

3470

Favorite

By GM38 - United States - Melbourne

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31017

You deserved it

8973

Favorite

By Obee - Canada

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77166

You deserved it

27440

Favorite

By James - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18323

You deserved it

1760

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sweden - V?ster

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32502

You deserved it

7180

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/2/2021 08:02

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

Today, the eye doctor told me I only had 90% vision on my left eye, and asked if I wanted treatment. Not being terribly bothered by it, I asked what the treatment would consist of. "We'll stick a large needle in your eye, and pump in some medicine." I quickly wished him a pleasant day and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

782

You deserved it

153

Favorite

By lonesome - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35485

You deserved it

6206

Favorite

By Eduardo - 18/4/2021 20:00

Hard no

Today, my 30-year old cousin, who is unemployed, parasitic and never completed high-school, whose girlfriend is a crack addict, wants to move into my place. He was evicted from an apartment building two weeks ago for assaulting some neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1045

You deserved it

Favorite

By HotCurry - United States

Today, my girlfriend, her grandma, and I were leaving her house to eat lunch. I stubbed my toe on the door while exiting. It hurt, so I stood there shortly in pain. I heard my girlfriend's grandma call me a "pansy". I later saw blood and took off my shoe. My whole toenail had come off of my big toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50062

You deserved it

3504

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Cranford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26254

You deserved it

3100

Favorite

By xnickx - United States

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22635

You deserved it

58765

Favorite

By shinee - Singapore

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33300

You deserved it

3608

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - La Porte

Today, the father of my unborn child told me he isn't sure he'll be able to make it to the birth, since there's no guarantee of when it will happen, so he can't schedule time off. This would be understandable if he actually had a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27870

You deserved it

6273

Favorite

By AAnonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39043

You deserved it

4022

Favorite

By Tara115 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't think he should marry me, because I have kids. They're his kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59006

You deserved it

7557

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/9/2020 14:01

Venmo me

Today, my mother-in-law called to find out how the first week of school went for the kids. She spent most of the call complaining about her husband. I'd like to send her a bill for her trying to use me as a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1125

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/12/2020 05:01 - Germany - Norden

Work together!

Today, our cats got in a serious fight about the rights to some prime mousing territory. The territory in question? Our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

580

You deserved it

Favorite

By booste - Canada

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45648

You deserved it

2248

Favorite

By strikeout - United States

Today, I skipped class to take the girl I like to the airport, and after giving her a goodbye hug I kissed her on the cheek. She laughed and said "Maybe we should discuss some boundaries when I get back." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44652

You deserved it

8177

Favorite

By Bilirubin - United States

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33631

You deserved it

3908

Favorite

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Top comments

By Narcoterrorist | 6

#5597671 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:53

Subtle.

By ilovesarcasm | 18

#5597673 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:53

Makes you wonder if she's trying to tell you something....

COMMENTS

By Narcoterrorist | 6

#5597671 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:53

Subtle.

Uramonkey | 11

#5597732 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:07

When you gotta go you gotta go

Iceman225 | 11

#5597749 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:18

What a perfect comment to start the fml. Haha

kder0aeon | 9

#5598041 - Friday 26 July 2013 0:17

hahaha she did it like a boss. sorry OP.

Bloodjoker | 11

#5598209 - Friday 26 July 2013 3:19

Nothing says responsible parents like "pretending" to clean a room and leaving a note to avoid all ACTUAL conversation about such a serious topic.

By Gtca | 15

#5597672 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:53

Whomp, whomp.

GuessWhatKids | 13

#5597805 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:40

What exactly is the point of this comment?

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5597812 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:46

Maybe they were going for the "whomp, whomp, whomp" tune like in the old cartoons. They just forgot the last "whomp".

rocketiquette | 20

#5597892 - Thursday 25 July 2013 20:53

I think it's the Archer thing 2 was going for

By ilovesarcasm | 18

#5597673 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:53

Makes you wonder if she's trying to tell you something....

feldco1 | 17

#5597692 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:56

Yeah mom obviously hated the furniture. It probably clashed with the bedspread!

TheDrifter | 23

#5597742 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:12

I thought she was trying to tell OP happy 32nd birthday, it's time for your birthday party.

brave_josh | 9

#5597762 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:23

I think she's subconsciously trying to tell you something that's manifested in her acts. But what could it be?......

BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5597800 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:35

I think she was trying to tell him to move out.
Oh shit, I just put it out there!

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5598449 - Friday 26 July 2013 6:35

No. No. Can't be that.

By RedPillSucks | 31

#5597675 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:54

Message received....
GTFO

TheOnlyKittyKat | 15

#5597846 - Thursday 25 July 2013 20:14

Tits first!

Uramonkey | 11

#5597856 - Thursday 25 July 2013 20:20

42 - In that case I'm really glad i'm not the daughter/son.

By gracehi | 31

#5597678 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:54

Your Mom has all the subtly of an elephant ripping ass in a crowded elevator.

misspulkadot24 | 17

#5597741 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:11

That is the most random analogy I've seen in a while.

Iceman225 | 11

#5597752 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:19

W. T. F, DUDE!

gc327072 | 29

#5597819 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:51

That analogy was about as unexpected as a lion giving birth in Times Square.

NagainaFier | 16

#5597866 - Thursday 25 July 2013 20:28

Or a Zebra drawn carriage.

websphere69 | 27

#5598111 - Friday 26 July 2013 2:02

rotflmao..,,,

onaa3r | 10

#5599160 - Friday 26 July 2013 16:58

*Subtlety

By jessica53139 | 10

#5597680 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:55

Are you too old to be living with mommy? ;)

godfathermock | 19

#5598321 - Friday 26 July 2013 4:51

In this economic crisis you are never too old to live with your mom.

TheGodDamnJoker | 9

#5598355 - Friday 26 July 2013 5:16

In USA perhaps, however most of Australia is doing perfectly okay.

SuperDanielNL | 23

#5598613 - Friday 26 July 2013 9:06

Same here in Holland...

By horne2 | 9

#5597684 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:55

I think she might want you
to move.

edmunson | 22

#5598608 - Friday 26 July 2013 9:05

Brilliant deduction!

By perdix | 29

#5597691 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:56

You'd better worry if your mom goes at your bank account with a mop and bucket.

By cynthieee__ | 8

#5597705 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:59

It might be time . . .

By worldclassrager | 39

#5597710 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:00

Looks like you got a full ride to MIT or something...

Anyway...well lets hope that happened...if not post for a roommate for an apartment for the time being...