By Anonymous - Australia - Mulgrave

Get Out

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

I agree, your life sucks

51041

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8101

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Proactive

Taking stock

By Océane Léana K

Today, after coming back from a trip to Africa where I got malaria, I went to the hospital for some blood tests. The doctor said, "Good news! You never had malaria! But they put you through a lot of dangerous treatments and now your liver has an anomaly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3616

You deserved it

215

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By AnnoyedByFriends

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52633

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9661

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32327

You deserved it

3030

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By Jaxter - United States

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80752

You deserved it

14957

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By juliearis - United States - Westport

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58674

You deserved it

10262

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By Anonymous - United States - North Pole

Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8268

You deserved it

25245

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By Nancy

Today, I sat on an elevator for 10 minutes thinking I was stuck. After waiting awhile I looked at the screen to see what floor I was stuck on, only to realize I hadn't pressed a button so I had just stayed on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9239

You deserved it

63777

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By types - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26004

You deserved it

3610

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I've been sinking into a deep depression, ignoring all my friends, and don't know what to do with my life anymore. This is all because I gave up Facebook for lent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17719

You deserved it

56252

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend announced he has stopped wearing deodorant because he thinks his BO smells "manly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33003

You deserved it

3296

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23150

You deserved it

5129

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By honor sucks - United States

Today, I lost a huge bet with my friends. I had to either post a sexual message on my mom's Facebook wall confessing my "love" for her, or be ratted out for cheating on a school test earlier in the year. Now I'm considered a freak by half my school, and am indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8995

You deserved it

44859

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25980

You deserved it

1803

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By JoanT - 14/7/2020 09:43

"Nice alarm you've got there"

Today, I woke myself up by pinching my nipple between my elbow and the bed. This isn’t the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

234

You deserved it

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By Birthday Boy

Happy Birthday

Today, my family asked where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner. They shot down my every suggestion and decided on sushi. I'm allergic, so the only thing I could eat was a veggie appetizer. Dad said I need to "expand my palate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5060

You deserved it

327

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By urmommmm - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

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50223

You deserved it

25344

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By Anonymous - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38679

You deserved it

6176

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By DebitDebacle

Today, after my bank sent me a new card because the old one had been compromised, I woke up to find that it's already been used to start an Amazon Prime account and order several movies. The card to replace a compromised card has been compromised. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3972

You deserved it

239

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By YEEYEE517

The customer is always something

Today, working in retail, I noticed a customer looking for an item, so I walked up to them and asked, "Is there something I can help you find?" He replied, "Did I ask for your fucking help?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1727

You deserved it

159

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By turning red - United States

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62293

You deserved it

10242

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By shut_up - United States - Roseburg

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48700

You deserved it

5783

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, sending blood down my horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32595

You deserved it

4141

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By future teacher - Paraguay - Fernando De La Mora

Today, I was observing a children's class as a part of a training program. The teacher asked me to take one kid to the nurse's office because she wasn't feeling well. As soon as we step outside, I slip and fall down, taking the little girl with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26164

You deserved it

2934

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By drama_queen - United States

Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27643

You deserved it

3825

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By panos016 - United Kingdom

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32491

You deserved it

9859

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By Sleepless - Australia

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45847

You deserved it

4262

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By Monster-in-law - United States - Sherwood

Today, I got a call from my brother-in-law's doctor. Apparently he's made threats and fantasizes about killing me. "Notifying you is the protocol for things like this" he said, and ended the conversation with, "have a nice day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4823

You deserved it

243

Favorite

By ihatemyjob - Canada

Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32071

You deserved it

2765

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By Blackfell - United States

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29050

You deserved it

2554

Favorite

By easily amused - United States

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49925

You deserved it

4446

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By Anonymous - United States - Montgomery Village

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49259

You deserved it

5384

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brighton

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

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44573

You deserved it

3995

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By FMyCountry

Today, during a football match, the referee declared a goal as invalid. The dad of the kid who scored didn't agree, which led to an all-out fight among all the kids' parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2527

You deserved it

213

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By Anonymous - United States - Irvine

Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46827

You deserved it

8213

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By Nicos - France

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28835

You deserved it

6190

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By Noname - United States

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20389

You deserved it

124799

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27816

You deserved it

2998

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By Anonymous - United States - Medina

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36452

You deserved it

4665

Favorite

By james88 - United States - Altoona

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13522

You deserved it

37619

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By Scarlet

Today, after calling my bank to see where my paycheck was, and waiting on hold for my entire lunch break, my boss told me she forgot to submit my deposit. I was relying on that money to pay for lunch today as I used all I had for bills. Looks like I eat tomorrow. FML

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13593

You deserved it

1124

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Top comments

By Narcoterrorist | 6

#5597671 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:53

Subtle.

By ilovesarcasm | 18

#5597673 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:53

Makes you wonder if she's trying to tell you something....

COMMENTS

By Narcoterrorist | 6

#5597671 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:53

Subtle.

Uramonkey | 11

#5597732 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:07

When you gotta go you gotta go

Iceman225 | 11

#5597749 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:18

What a perfect comment to start the fml. Haha

kder0aeon | 9

#5598041 - Friday 26 July 2013 0:17

hahaha she did it like a boss. sorry OP.

Bloodjoker | 11

#5598209 - Friday 26 July 2013 3:19

Nothing says responsible parents like "pretending" to clean a room and leaving a note to avoid all ACTUAL conversation about such a serious topic.

By Gtca | 15

#5597672 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:53

Whomp, whomp.

GuessWhatKids | 13

#5597805 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:40

What exactly is the point of this comment?

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5597812 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:46

Maybe they were going for the "whomp, whomp, whomp" tune like in the old cartoons. They just forgot the last "whomp".

rocketiquette | 20

#5597892 - Thursday 25 July 2013 20:53

I think it's the Archer thing 2 was going for

By ilovesarcasm | 18

#5597673 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:53

Makes you wonder if she's trying to tell you something....

feldco1 | 17

#5597692 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:56

Yeah mom obviously hated the furniture. It probably clashed with the bedspread!

TheDrifter | 23

#5597742 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:12

I thought she was trying to tell OP happy 32nd birthday, it's time for your birthday party.

brave_josh | 9

#5597762 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:23

I think she's subconsciously trying to tell you something that's manifested in her acts. But what could it be?......

BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5597800 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:35

I think she was trying to tell him to move out.
Oh shit, I just put it out there!

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5598449 - Friday 26 July 2013 6:35

No. No. Can't be that.

By RedPillSucks | 31

#5597675 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:54

Message received....
GTFO

TheOnlyKittyKat | 15

#5597846 - Thursday 25 July 2013 20:14

Tits first!

Uramonkey | 11

#5597856 - Thursday 25 July 2013 20:20

42 - In that case I'm really glad i'm not the daughter/son.

By gracehi | 31

#5597678 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:54

Your Mom has all the subtly of an elephant ripping ass in a crowded elevator.

misspulkadot24 | 17

#5597741 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:11

That is the most random analogy I've seen in a while.

Iceman225 | 11

#5597752 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:19

W. T. F, DUDE!

gc327072 | 29

#5597819 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:51

That analogy was about as unexpected as a lion giving birth in Times Square.

NagainaFier | 16

#5597866 - Thursday 25 July 2013 20:28

Or a Zebra drawn carriage.

websphere69 | 27

#5598111 - Friday 26 July 2013 2:02

rotflmao..,,,

onaa3r | 10

#5599160 - Friday 26 July 2013 16:58

*Subtlety

By jessica53139 | 10

#5597680 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:55

Are you too old to be living with mommy? ;)

godfathermock | 19

#5598321 - Friday 26 July 2013 4:51

In this economic crisis you are never too old to live with your mom.

TheGodDamnJoker | 9

#5598355 - Friday 26 July 2013 5:16

In USA perhaps, however most of Australia is doing perfectly okay.

SuperDanielNL | 23

#5598613 - Friday 26 July 2013 9:06

Same here in Holland...

By horne2 | 9

#5597684 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:55

I think she might want you
to move.

edmunson | 22

#5598608 - Friday 26 July 2013 9:05

Brilliant deduction!

By perdix | 29

#5597691 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:56

You'd better worry if your mom goes at your bank account with a mop and bucket.

By cynthieee__ | 8

#5597705 - Thursday 25 July 2013 18:59

It might be time . . .

By worldclassrager | 39

#5597710 - Thursday 25 July 2013 19:00

Looks like you got a full ride to MIT or something...

Anyway...well lets hope that happened...if not post for a roommate for an apartment for the time being...