Intimacy: Get in there!

Get in there!

By Menareidiots - 24/02/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 816

You deserved it 22 722

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Wham bam thank you ma'am

By Noname - 11/03/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, while I was showering in my dorm, a hand reached through the curtain and grabbed my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain, thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized, then went on to have sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 935

You deserved it 3 630

Self-sabotage

By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 09:20

Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, "But aren't we just friends?" We then sat and watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 872

You deserved it 12 863

Second base?

By armtits and big pits - 05/04/2014 07:14 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 389

You deserved it 8 342

The moment when…

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 74 047

By someoneelsessaliva - 05/06/2010 06:59 - Australia

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 461

You deserved it 4 195

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 472

You deserved it 427

Freak out

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 19:02 - Canada - Belle River

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 062

You deserved it 9 901

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 998

You deserved it 3 007

Classic lineup

By Phoellie - 28/08/2009 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs. I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex. Afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd also had great sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 325

You deserved it 5 233

By Eeeek - 26/08/2010 21:17 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 128

You deserved it 52 911

PureGold 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:56

"So they high-fived." HAHA. Wow, guys are so clueless.

bobdole 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:02

he's my hero

Comments

Melody_fml 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:55

huh thats stupid. i'm sorry and goodluck with that one..

Rach_star 0

Sunday 6 September 2009 15:15

Stupid? HE'S AWESOME :)

PureGold 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:56

"So they high-fived." HAHA. Wow, guys are so clueless.

dedrater_kool_u 0

Monday 2 May 2011 6:14

so ur blonde too, eh?

hippo1234 19

Tuesday 28 June 2011 6:51

no, it's part of the bro-code. never leave a bro hanging.

collegeboy89 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:57

That is hilarious

bobdole 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:02

he's my hero

Dr_Phil 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:03

Like Easy-E says, college girls are easy.

oneangredwarf 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:03

omg i love it, that is EPIC #1

Herbs_Special 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:04

Bet they were laughing like hell later.

mleeb 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:06

i'm sure that didn't slow things down. you probably just thought to yourself, "well, I guess i have something to put on FML now."

Seegtease 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:16

Nothing lame about it. Just sheer awesomeness.

blacklagoon_fml 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:20

Guys are gross.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Love Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Haircut Cute Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 4 683

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 3 962

The Top

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 694

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls." His response: "We don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 619

Today, I got caught absent-mindedly fondling my knob in front of Love Island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 1 764

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 193

You deserved it 8 337

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 525

You deserved it 3 570

Today, a customer gave me the dirtiest look ever and muttered, "Goody two-shoes prick" after I asked if he'd like to donate a few cents to charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 646

You deserved it 1 840

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments