Intimacy: Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files... - FML

By Noname - United States

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Compassionate management

In vain

By Nutellalover - Germany - Hennef

Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML

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By helpfulmom - Canada

Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML

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By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

What day is it?

Today, I caught my dad smoking the weed he grounded me for having. FML

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By Superdumb

Forgetful

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

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By Faktafem

Alexa, play "People = Shit" by Slipknot

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

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By ShitShoveler - United States - Abington

Today, a month after getting a big promotion, I found out that I'm stuck with my old job. No one wants to take my old position, so they are vacating my new one and will post it, because, "This one is more desirable, and your's is shit." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friends house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

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By Nuts - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

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By MsConfusedd - United States - Hazlet

Today, I learned that my 76 year old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

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By Heartbroken - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

TFIF!

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole who dumped me last week. FML

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By Crappyfayman - United States

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

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By HHIChica - United States

Today, while my 18 pound cat was on the edge of the tub watching me shower, he fell in. Apparently, in his mind, the best way to get away from the water is to climb my bare legs. FML

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By ;_;" - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

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By pinkpurplegurl - China

Today, while taking the subway home, a woman offered me her seat. I smiled and declined. She said she insisted because of my "pregnancy". I was too ashamed to say I'm not pregnant that I just took the seat. FML

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By life_suxxx - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML

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By geeklove - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

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By illjustlimpthen - United States - Waukesha

Today, despite my pain, my mom still refuses to take me to a foot doctor because, "They all have foot fetishes." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Clemmons

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 08:03

Planned assault

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be wise to joke that we needed to postpone our reunion for another week. We haven't seen each other for almost 4 months, due to events out of our control. He thinks he's funny. He'll get punched when we do see each other again. FML

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By mary - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

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By helplesssssss - United States

Today, I took a shower in a beachhouse we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my cell phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML

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By hayah - France

Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

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By obnum - United States - New York

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2021 21:59 - Germany

Another great day to be alive

Today, I didn’t get much done because I woke up late and therefore didn’t have much time. No wait, that was yesterday. Today I didn’t get much done because I woke up EARLY and was miserably tired and good for nothing all day. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Croydon

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

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By Mogg - Australia

Move!

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

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By daniella101 - United States - Lacombe

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML

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By lovekills99 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

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By Nothanks

Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML

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By Hugh_Jankles - United States

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

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Top comments

By adelaide_evening | 0

#6844 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:13

Maybe your dad just prioritized.

By bobdole | 0

#6841 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:10

@ original comment: why would you save it to your hard drive. don't you have high speed internet? stream it buddy, stream it.

COMMENTS

By bobdole | 0

#6841 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:10

@ original comment: why would you save it to your hard drive. don't you have high speed internet? stream it buddy, stream it.

Reply

what_the_fail | 0

#790350 - Friday 22 January 2010 6:44

This ^ . Why would anyone download their porn these days? Stupid.

By adelaide_evening | 0

#6844 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:13

Maybe your dad just prioritized.

By Tri_fml | 5

#6846 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:20

Thank God for your dad. Wouldn't know what to do if I lost my porn :(

By Freaxxx_fml | 0

#6848 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:21

BAHAHA score 1 for dadio ;D

By dickinabox | 0

#6850 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:24

I believe it's an FML moment because while porn is good, more important things were not salvaged, and the whole thing seems kind of embarrassing.

By Stephen_fml | 0

#6859 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:42

at least he was able to save that

By president_benson | 0

#6879 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 4:04

Porn for All!!!

By Amkii | 0

#6884 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 4:09

#1 - LOL!

#12 - Agreed!

Aw man... sorry about your other files... but yeah, at least you got your porn back! :D

By bobdole | 0

#6893 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 4:27

At least your dad didn't image your floppy dick.

*disk

By Mazzy_fml | 0

#6894 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 4:28

Lol, oh dear :/