Intimacy: Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files... - FML

By Noname - United States

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Dementia or hate? You decide

Bye then!

By alsayslegit - United States

Today, I was at a party, and I sat down on a chair. While conversing with friends, I shifted places on the chair, and broke it. Embarrassed, I then stood up and change chairs. After moving to the next chair, I broke that one too. FML

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By deflated - Ireland

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while on my break at work, my workmates convinced me to perform my "Indian accent" piece. Everyone laughed while I was doing it. Everyone, that is, but my Indian boss. FML

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By charitableidiot - United States - Portland

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

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By etmerda - United States

Today, I walked around town by myself for four hours because I was too ashamed to tell my parents that I have no friends willing to spend time with me. FML

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By kay - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from my stepmom. It was a picture of a boy that she said she thought I might like to know. Next to the picture was the message "he comes from a good military background". My love life is so pathetic that my stepmother feels the need to try and set me up. FML

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By awkwardpanda

Today, I performed for the first time at someone's wedding. When the music started, I heard a click. Slowly, I felt my strapless bra drop lower and lower due to my non-existent breasts. The hook on my bra had broken at that very moment on stage. FML

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By bham boy

Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML

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By Mmm - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

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By Thanks Babe - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

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By just a joke - 8/6/2020 20:08

He has issues

Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML

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By fyreangel - United States - Warren

Today, I replaced my dating apps with food apps cause at least someone will show up after I use the food apps. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2020 20:00

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

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By GracieGirl

When feral kids attack

Today, while waiting for my name to be called at the doctor's office, a little boy threw a Dixie cup full of water at me, making it look like I wet my pants. His mom just laughed and dragged him off. FML

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By infortunatename - United States

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

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By loser - United Kingdom

Today, I told a friend that he looked smarter with his glasses on. He took them off and said "oh, and now you look more handsome". FML

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By ash - United States - Winnebago

Today, I went shopping on my only day off. The only aisle open was self-checkout. I'm a cashier. FML

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By privatebathroomneeded - United States - San Francisco

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

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By 404: sense not found - United States - San Francisco

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

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By JC - United States

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

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By Betchsadface - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

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By Chloe - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

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By PissedAtLife - United States

Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML

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By coco1234 - 9/3/2020 12:35

Brain melt

Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML

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By MarsMayFall - United States

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

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By shelookslikemiley - Australia

Today, I can't go on watching season 8 of The Big Bang Theory, not because of the steady decline of the show's quality, but because I can't stand Penny's new haircut. FML

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By glorified taxi driver - 11/6/2020 20:08

Capitalism kills

Today, after starting a new job, having two ovarian cysts rupture and been in and out of the hospital twice in a week, I'd been told that I couldn't work, needed surgery, and could lose my ovary. I’m 23. I was told that my job was secure and not to worry. I received my termination letter. FML

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By college student - United States - College Park

Today, at 12, I went for a run across campus.‬ Why? I'd realized my 12:30 exam was actually at 12.‬ ‪FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 02:01

Revelations

Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML

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By Astounding competence - 3/11/2020 23:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

People are people

Today, my country is going back into a full national lockdown after the government swore they wouldn't do another one. We desperately need to stop the spread, but with so many U-turns and broken rules from the government, no one is going to listen. FML

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By

Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML

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By slamo - Australia

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 05:00

Get out

Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML

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By TheNewCashierInTown - Canada - Gatineau

Today, it was my second day working as a cashier in a drug store. I thought everything went great, but by the end of my shift, my cash register was $10 short. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if on my first day it hadn't been $30 short. FML

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By friskeyk14 - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

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By failureatlife - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

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By peace_lost - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I dressed up as my friend for Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought my costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML

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By cxcrktkt - United States

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

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Top comments

By adelaide_evening | 0

#6844 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:13

Maybe your dad just prioritized.

By bobdole | 0

#6841 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:10

@ original comment: why would you save it to your hard drive. don't you have high speed internet? stream it buddy, stream it.

COMMENTS

By bobdole | 0

#6841 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:10

@ original comment: why would you save it to your hard drive. don't you have high speed internet? stream it buddy, stream it.

Reply

what_the_fail | 0

#790350 - Friday 22 January 2010 6:44

This ^ . Why would anyone download their porn these days? Stupid.

By adelaide_evening | 0

#6844 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:13

Maybe your dad just prioritized.

By Tri_fml | 5

#6846 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:20

Thank God for your dad. Wouldn't know what to do if I lost my porn :(

By Freaxxx_fml | 0

#6848 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:21

BAHAHA score 1 for dadio ;D

By dickinabox | 0

#6850 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:24

I believe it's an FML moment because while porn is good, more important things were not salvaged, and the whole thing seems kind of embarrassing.

By Stephen_fml | 0

#6859 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:42

at least he was able to save that

By president_benson | 0

#6879 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 4:04

Porn for All!!!

By Amkii | 0

#6884 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 4:09

#1 - LOL!

#12 - Agreed!

Aw man... sorry about your other files... but yeah, at least you got your porn back! :D

By bobdole | 0

#6893 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 4:27

At least your dad didn't image your floppy dick.

*disk

By Mazzy_fml | 0

#6894 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 4:28

Lol, oh dear :/