Love: Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 123

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

24/02/2009 23:28

Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 241

You deserved it 28 174

Empathy lives

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Drunken antics

28/05/2011 00:04

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 292

You deserved it 3 715

09/04/2011 08:08

Today, I went on a date for the first time in eight months. He didn't make a move. I then asked if we were on a date. He said, "I don't know, I guess." I can't tell either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 718

You deserved it 5 623

You tried!

By Noname - 15/02/2009 23:15

Spicy

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 874

You deserved it 50 760

11/05/2015 20:54

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 857

You deserved it 2 368

12/01/2013 15:28

Today, my husband and I finally agreed on something: marriage counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 960

You deserved it 6 226

30/05/2009 12:48

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 337

You deserved it 71 622

16/04/2009 02:32

Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 655

You deserved it 5 355

05/04/2009 01:07

Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 800

You deserved it 3 798

08/08/2010 07:14

Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 730

You deserved it 8 309

04/03/2011 17:18

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 811

You deserved it 42 187

01/08/2010 20:24

Today, I learned that ice cubes do not cool down hot oil. Instead, it causes a massive explosion of hot grease to splatter all over my parents' kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 486

You deserved it 78 407

01/10/2013 17:32

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 011

You deserved it 5 851

Life of Brian

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 05:02

Today, I never wanted a wife, so of course I got married. I never wanted kids, so of course my unwanted wife insisted we have two. My mother-in-law, who I wish daily would get hit by a bus, just got hired at my workplace. My only pleasure in life is fishing and my kids just broke my only rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 4 132

19/03/2018 15:00

Today, my boss yelled at me in front of several customers for gesturing too much while I talk, because it's "unprofessional". I was using sign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 419

You deserved it 204

29/06/2010 18:53

Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 465

You deserved it 4 676

Meme wars

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 22:57

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me via a meme. What the fuck? With a friend of mine as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 94

10/02/2011 01:12

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 335

You deserved it 52 476

06/11/2013 02:53

Today, I had planned to break up with my overbearing girlfriend. She went into complete denial mode, bought me a pair of oversized sunglasses and tomorrow we're going ice-skating. Kill me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 885

You deserved it 11 568

23/11/2013 01:08

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 573

You deserved it 4 893

25/02/2010 18:12

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had done the laundry. At first, I was very appreciative. However, I wasn't so thankful when I found out she brought home the wrong basket from the laundromat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 402

You deserved it 2 312

26/07/2009 15:16

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 291

You deserved it 17 741

Catch 22

By kattydoo07 - 29/04/2009 05:06

Today, I found out I have a restraining order against me from my ex boyfriend. Apparently, I drive by his house too much and it is considered stalking. He forgot that I live 2 houses down, and MUST drive by his house to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 698

You deserved it 4 200

14/02/2013 11:01

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 968

You deserved it 12 251

09/10/2016 16:18

Today, I got into my dream university. I also got turned down for the scholarship and the loan that would enable me to actually go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 1 155

14/07/2016 20:43

Today, the favorite activity of the four kids I'm babysitting is running up to me when I least expect it and farting on me. I can't even sit down without them attacking me with their butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 843

You deserved it 1 188

01/09/2009 07:30

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 098

You deserved it 45 494

29/12/2011 19:32

Today, a friend told me over MSN that her father had died. Trying to express some solidarity, I went to send her a tearful smiley. I accidentally sent her the dancing pig animation instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 297

You deserved it 31 685

23/09/2009 10:23

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 380

You deserved it 38 039

My alarm

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 218

07/05/2013 18:14

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 998

You deserved it 5 981

Delusional

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 11:02

Today, my sister made serious plans to move to another country to be closer to the married man she's having an affair with. She thinks this will force him to leave his family. I know who will have to listen to her whining when she is sitting all alone in a different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 86

06/08/2013 20:35

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 676

You deserved it 5 097

26/04/2009 04:11

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 401

You deserved it 8 687

07/04/2012 19:40

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 788

You deserved it 53 528

25/03/2009 04:48

Spicy

Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 586

You deserved it 81 173

14/12/2009 20:23

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 657

You deserved it 2 165

Two-way street

By misspukesalot - 14/07/2020 14:02

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 124

30/08/2014 02:54

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 985

You deserved it 10 365

09/12/2009 00:44

Today, I was going to ask my parents for advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. I overheard them talking about how glad they were that their plan to break us up worked so well. I don't think I should ask for advice anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 446

You deserved it 2 673

10/09/2012 12:48

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 844

You deserved it 3 964

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:00

What's more awesome than spreading rumors? Spreading rumors you know absolutely nothing about! That'll teach ya.

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:54

That's why you shouldn't spread rumors. Sorry about your boyfriend/best friend situation, though :(

Comments

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:54

That's why you shouldn't spread rumors. Sorry about your boyfriend/best friend situation, though :(

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Saturday 10 April 2010 11:01

If the OP was willing to spread the rumour herself knowing it would hurt certain people, then there shouldn't be anything wrong with this...YDI, OP

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Wednesday 4 August 2010 1:41

horse cock spreader!

iliveinthesky_fml 0

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Monday 25 April 2011 5:15

that's what you get, betch.

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:59

How did you spread a rumor and not know that the names involved with it were yours, your boyfriends', and you best friends'?

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:00

What's more awesome than spreading rumors? Spreading rumors you know absolutely nothing about! That'll teach ya.

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:06

NO spreadin' till the weddin.

Herbs_Special 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:06

That was delicious!

adelaide_evening 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:11

I agree with number three. For some reason, I think this is a fake. Generally, when you spread rumors, you don't say "Yeah, so, did you hear this one guy cheated on his girlfriend with someone else?" when you have no idea who the people are. It kind of defeats the purpose of rumors and spreading gossip, and sounds more like a movie summary.

goosenotchicken 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:39

this is really almost a good reason to spread rumors. it ended up being true, and you probably wouldn't have found out about the cheating otherwise..

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:47

Spreading rumors sucks.

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 4:59

Lamest. Rumor. Ever. OMG! Did you hear that there was a guy who cheated on his girlfriend? OMG! They were like, totally still dating!

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 5:01

Fake…