Thief and Miscellaneous: Get a move on!

Get a move on!

By Anonymous - 09/06/2011 02:00 - United States

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 621

You deserved it 5 143

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Same thing different taste

The definition of irony

By Rastaa_Reyes - 16/05/2019 23:52

Today, I went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She kept telling me to put my keys away so I wouldn't lose them. After a few times, I got annoyed and yelled at her. When we got back to her house, I realized I'd lost my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 3 002

By anonymous - 10/08/2011 04:31 - United States

Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 314

You deserved it 2 632

By Anonymous - 25/07/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, my mom tried to get me to shoplift. From the dollar store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 782

You deserved it 2 731

By SwimSquid - 15/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 578

You deserved it 8 096

By disappointment son - 19/05/2017 12:00

Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 475

You deserved it 248

By Anonymous - 16/08/2012 21:09 - United States

Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 658

You deserved it 47 740

By anonynomi - 19/11/2015 17:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 029

You deserved it 1 603

By me. - 12/11/2012 04:30 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 117

You deserved it 1 727

Running late

By albert - 13/05/2009 12:36 - United Kingdom

Today, we were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car. I put my school bags in the boot of the car and my mum drove off. It wasn't until she got to my school and told me to get out that she realised I wasn't there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 368

You deserved it 4 147

By observant - 15/05/2012 14:24 - United States

Today, my mom was giving me a long lecture about being aware of my surroundings, because you never know what's out there. While she was talking, I noticed a drug deal going down in the Walmart parking lot. She didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 937

You deserved it 2 411

abceasyas123abc 12

Thursday 9 June 2011 8:47

All for one and one for all..?!

cynthiaFTW 0

Thursday 9 June 2011 8:49

is it bad that i laughed REALLY hard at this?

Comments

crazedguy 0

Thursday 9 June 2011 22:11

op's from America...typical. I'm guessing from the south?

cjkerrtx 0

Thursday 14 June 2012 4:04

WTF?? I'm guessing you're from whatever other crappy place that isn't the US.

nonamericandolla 6

Thursday 9 June 2011 22:17

what kind of mum is she?

Omgitsaireyonna 6

Thursday 9 June 2011 22:34

Hahahahahaha! Amazing. :D

acms728 0

Thursday 9 June 2011 22:41

Bad mamma

akvc 0

Thursday 9 June 2011 23:28

did she get a ticket???

ShealaBoBayla 0

Friday 10 June 2011 0:13

What a horrible mother. -______-

angrymexican 8

Friday 10 June 2011 0:17

what happens in walmart stays in Walmart

j4gerb0mblitz 6

Friday 10 June 2011 0:47

she's gonna kill you for bringing the cops to the house

Illyssa_fml 4

Friday 10 June 2011 0:48

I would've ran haha

WTFrenchtoastt 1

Friday 10 June 2011 1:20

i hope you had him drop you off at a different house...

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I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 28

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I agree, your life sucks 35 270

You deserved it 4 534

The Top

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 649

You deserved it 6 324

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 198

You deserved it 22 921

Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 603

You deserved it 3 174

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 428

You deserved it 10 119

Today, my husband pathetically tried to convince me that his “friend” has his Facebook password, and “hacks” into his account to message another woman using his profile. The dick picture he sent her by text message? His “friend” has his iCloud password and “hacked” it, and sent it himself. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 169

Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 448

Get a move on!

Same thing different taste

The definition of irony

Running late

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