Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally told the girl I'm in love with how I've felt ever since we first met six years ago. She let me know that not only does she not feel the same way, she's always considered me a creep and only ever hung out with me because of our mutual friends. FML
Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my crush how I feel about them. I poured my heart out, only for them to tell me that they're already seeing someone else. To make matters worse, they then asked me for advice on how to impress their new partner. FML
Today, the girl I’ve had a crush on for months told me she scored a Tinder date and she’s so excited to go out with him. Just last week, I worked up the courage to ask her to be my girlfriend and she told me she doesn’t want a relationship, and “doesn’t believe in love anymore.” FML
Today, I went out for dinner with my crush and expressed my love for her. She responded by saying that we should know that this is the real thing, and to do so we needed to date other people and let time bring us together. FML
Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML
Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I felt. She instantly burst out laughing and said, "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML
Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML
Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML
Today, I saw the girl I have a crush on holding hands and making out with another girl. When I hinted that I was into girls, in an attempt to ask her out out two months ago, she told me she was “straight as hell” and would “never resort to that disgusting ass lesbo shit.” FML
Today, I was texting with my childhood crush late at night and we were exchanging secrets. I figured this was as good a time as any to tell her about my long-standing crush on her. Turns out she's a lesbian. FML
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Top comments
trixy81 10
What? Well you clearly dodged a bullet with that one...
rcloca 10
It's unnatural? Oh shit.
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Comments (350)
beezerbnt00 4
That sucks
48Connor 10
In the middle of your speech, you mentioned have sex? WHY? Your not even dating. Are you retarded?
Shrike 24
^ WTF? Where does it say he mentioned sex? She probably used it as an excuse to brush him off or is just a sexist bitch. Kind of like you're an assuming bitch.
rexgar2000 10
damn that bitch is cold. she's probably a nun. "she has more excuses than a pregnant nun" lol
Meowingtons500 18
Don't have sex. You will get pregnant and die.
n_epic_fail 14
And now we know she will be forever alone... Hot damn, that rhymed!
JustinComments 3
46 - Actually, that doesn't rhyme.
jillianmathers12 13
She probably has and uses a vibrator!
n_epic_fail 14
51- you just busted my bubble
ikickgingers 15
Useless like a nun with ****.
FarSide 23
For two years you did not know she felt this way? Man, cut your loses, NOW. If she thinks sex is unnatural, then she probably does not know how she was conceived. Yeah... this is an FML x 2.
BillyDisselhorst 3
You look disgusting. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww
Steve95401 49
She's going to end up being one of those old spinsters who has 25 cats.
Xr70r7 4
Ok obviously "that sucks" because that is why its an FML...
gojira666 7
Sex is unnatural? Thats how everyone on earth got here.....shut up bitch and bend over. Too far? Ya i know.
Drummerboy1234 0
43 - mean girls reference FTW.
AliCat18 12
wow, if I was you I would walk the otherway and never look back! She must have some mental block if she thinks sex is unatural....its probably one of the most natural things we have in the entire world! Don't feel bad, just be grateful you found out before anthing got serious between you two!
kyarush 10
Still have a crush?
fmlpro0987 0
It would if he put a comma after know.
fmlpro0987 0
Sorry she*
Jonkbaby 23
tell her its okay, you're into unnatural things
Humanspider 18
Unnatural things are cool!
1waytoolive 1
Sounds like a hipster
Icecream93 4
@46 his name is epic fail, he could be trying to be funny, or actually fail epicly. He could also be from France.
Jonkbaby 23
^haha I agree. Tell her you'll give her neon flannel, a can of PBR and a bootleg CD-R of She & Him and her clothes will come right off
trixy81 10
What? Well you clearly dodged a bullet with that one...
aceman1992 9
Alright so clearly she's either crazy or just really turned off by you.
nadyy14 8
I have absolutely no words to comment on this! Lmaoo XD
SillyFart 7
Then don't??
xSonic 9
Well I never knew pouring your heart out means you tell them you want to bang the person....cause obviously op ended his speech like that for her response??
jwade11 12
97--- agree. She wouldn't of even mentioned "sex" if OP didn't hint around to it or bring it up some way or another. Unless she just assumed that he was wanting sex, OP is stupid for even bringing that up the first discussion he has about his feelings and whatnot. Women don't want to know the guy just wants the physical aspect of it.
dcg1375 7
Not necessarily. Maybe she just said it in response. She's either trying to make him go away or she's not comfortable with her own self. Sex is the most primitive instinct we have. Its programmed deep in our genes (not jeans). Procreation is in encoded in every DNA. So for her to feel that way is "unnatural".
StoryOfTheYear 15
She must be a test tube baby if she thinks sex is unnatural.
FmyLifeInsurance 1
Counter-uav up they're blind
mcintosh123 15
Haha OP I feel you pain same thing happened to me. She was totally confused and thought I was referring to sex. I was like eh?
adamcichuttek 2
2 - I was reading your profile and bitch you're not in my dreams, you're in my nightmares.
maz255 10
154 cool story abercrombie..
ohSNAPyall 27
Abercrombro?
Agent36263626 4
Its a sad day when you have to specify that the word your using isn't a typo. Those damn grammer nazis!
TheNewGuy03 29
Man... 1) She has never had sex, and has ignored what was said in every biology or anatomy class she's ever been to 2) The dick she has had sucked so bad that she has convinced herself that there is no way that it is natural 3) She is a pre-teen 4) She is retarded (most likely) Those are all I could come up with. |the kid|
niplipsip 9
5) she's a bitch and she's just not into you.
22cute 17
Sounds like she's a "Sheldon". Asexual people do exist, you know.
CaptainDoorknob 7
Or maybe his idea of pouring his heart and soul out was "AYE GURRL LEME HOLLA ATCHO BOOTY".
rcloca 10
It's unnatural? Oh shit.
yumlicious 4
Yup. Didn't you know babies are delivered via storks?!
JustinComments 3
Really? What animal are AIDS delivered by?
TwitchingNebula 17
Give her a roll of quarters and tell her to go lean up against a washer for a while.
dav3800 7
I think AIDS are delivered by squirrels.
ItsTheKing 10
SQUAIDS? Aww man.
Spinnmaster 1
Scissoring, that's all natural! ;)
jabfinch 9
54-Quagmires.
TheNewGuy03 29
****, guys; I thought AIDS was supposed to *help* us. Where have I been all these years? |the kid|
laden_swallow09 35
54 - Monkeys! You didn't know? Rhesus monkeys, more accurately.
may651 14
If sex is unnatural the I got to be the weirdest mofo out there. ;)
bitchslapped22 14
It's funny because it's the most natural thing on the face of the earth
lewk908 13
I'm pretty sure they're delivered by blacks
ASD_K 11
Reproduction SURE IS unnatural.
umm_Talk 9
She's a crazy bitch.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I dunno, that would've just made me like her even more, if she's serious and that's not just an excuse not to go out with him :P but I'm weird
deviable 9
I want to know what kind of sex she's been having to think its unnatural.
FarSide 23
I agree with 91. Does she have a pet German Sheppard by any chance?
topie_fml 6
Ear sex.
nattynatters 14
Just be glad you didn't ride that crazy train!
alvarny 17
What kind of sex did you ask for?
atkir002 1
ear sex??
SnowTrooper19 0
Armpit sex, because regular sex is boring
Blackmail111 9
Nope! Neither he most likely asked for the worst type of sex: ANAL SEX
SnowTrooper19 0
77- I hope you know I was referencing to a different FML...
friedchickenpie 14
It's so sad that I can hear a reference to "armpit sex" or being chased down the block or "you were the other guy" or "BE MY BABY'S DADDY" and immediately recognize the FML
hillbillyboy1993 7
haha me 2!
uniongirl02 0
Nose sex, perhaps? Haha
akayc32 0
77, anal is absolutely not the worst, I can think of many different types of sex that anal is preferable to. For me at least... ***********, for example, would be on the "Worse Than Anal List". Rape, anything involving a child, sex with someone who isn't breathing (temporary or not), sex while on fire/drowning... To list a few that would suck.. In regards to this fml, I think that was her telling you no nicely, like you aren't choosing her instead of she doesn't want you.
Blackmail111 9
1. 136 Get a sense of humor 2. 83 I wasn't replying to you, I was making a joke
akayc32 0
140, I have a sense of humor, your post just wasn't funny :)
coltsrock37 15
He probably had a swirly fetish
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
136, first off that was HILLARIOUS, but I'm gonna have to go and say that wasnt the nice way xD. She basically said "No, Cuz you are a horny guy, who only wants me for my ******". Id rather just take a "no sorry" xD
HatefulPilot 0
This comment has 69 thumbs up. I'm going to take a guess and say this was meant to be.. OP wanted to 69 his crush.
StopDropNRoll 11
107- the be my baby's daddy one is freaken hilarious!
Dojan 16
Swirly.
emjayprice 0
hope she's ok with being single... or dating a liar.
crazy_whitechick 6
I'm curious to hear what she thinks is natural....
GhostlyGhoulish 1
Probably being vegan, saving the whales and praying for a car or something along those lines
kleopath 11
Why don't you learn grammar while you're busy leading your eventful 'vegan' life.
mk58 31
I like 99's comment just because she basically called herself a bitch without the use of that comma she missed.
z620 0
People were having sex before they could speak
SpruceDread4578 13
99- you just made the atheist community less liked. Thanks for hurting us. Bitch.
ohmandapants 17
99 is a guy lol
GakTheFaQ 14
She's probably a religious nuthead and does anal for a living
deet124 11
Rape is always an option, no?
Stormdriven37 6
Ummm, is she blond?
Mickaylah 0
Lmfao !
mrosew442 10
*blonde and I know several blondes who are smart
hillbillyboy1993 7
34: are you everything on here that somebody makes a joke about?
RLG 7
Several? More than half the people in my class are blonde and they're really smart.
Pufferfish78 5
Hey, I'm blonde, smart and like to hump like bunnies!
kei1108 13
Despite 200's weird, uncalled for and awkward comment, dumb blonde jokes are outdated (not like they were funny ever...) rude, and said by immature people.
ayooBrandon 12
Basically she said no because you're ugly
EvilPotato 15
Not a chance, ugly stands for unique, gentle, loving, youth. There must be some other problem.
uniongirl02 0
10- she said no because YOU'RE ugly. Haha
VaanBasch 1
Oh snap! Are you just gonna take that, #10?
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Actually 137, he's as cute as a kitten!(read his bio)