Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML
Today, I got a nosebleed. For 7 hours. I ended up in the ER. FML
Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML
Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML
Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML
Today, I had a nosebleed at work after having recent surgery. As I was walking to the bathroom, I tripped and fell, sending blood splattering everywhere. My manager, who was walking by, looked at me and said, “You’re really committed to the bit.” I was too embarrassed to respond. FML
Today, I had to squat to retrieve something from the bottom of the cabinet in the bathroom. This caused me to fart and startle myself enough that I jumped and banged my forehead on the sink. FML
Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML
Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML
Today, I woke up bleeding from every orifice in my body. I've got a nose bleed from my medication, my gums bled when I brushed my teeth, I'm on my period, and I have hemorrhoids. FML
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Top comments
_parth 20
Damn. Did you activate all your superpowers to do that? Fyl op.
tony1891 22
you may wanna start eating more fiber then.
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Comments (57)
_parth 20
Damn. Did you activate all your superpowers to do that? Fyl op.
killuhand 12
no probably only one.
kristabelli 19
Dude you really should eat some lentils or some leafy greens.
buddy_J 16
Youse Larry the Cable Guy technique. Use handicap stalls for power pushin and squeezin
incoherentrmblr 22
Also use some Prilosec OTC...
muzy 23
op should consider themselves lucky that they only got a nosebleed. It could have resulted in a much more serious outcome.
tiptoppc 21
He became the supershitter
joeyl2008 29
I thini that means you were pushing with the wrong end
sayyestothedress 24
Don't give yourself a nosebleed...oh wait
tony1891 22
you may wanna start eating more fiber then.
cakefete2 31
Well Jesus, you're gonna have to turn OP's water into Metamucil.
tony1891 22
as they say. an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Soviet_American 29
^^^^ A Fiber 1 bar a day, will keep the nose bleeds away*
Toolishing 22
Dehydration may play a part too.
xnikkilynn 11
Definitely eat more fiber. I eat bran buds and pento beans every day. My gram has congested heart failure and she told me that straining while pooping puts strain on the heart. OP go see a doctor and find out whatsup with you.
zaynakins 12
i hope you had some toilet paper with you, then. need some for both ends there!
jazzy_123 20
if he was on the toilet, I'm assuming there was already some toilet paper there.
cinskeep43 15
Nah just stick a tampon in it
Dodge4x4Ram 46
we share the same struggle, don't feel alone
sarah5745 41
Really?? I don't struggle much..
Brandi_Faith 34
Try Magnesium Glycinate capsules from a compound pharmacy. Works wonders! Also helps with constipation from painkillers.
narwhalicious 15
Someone smarter than me explain this.
tony1891 22
what is there to explain? its pretty self explanatory actually.
milky2321 14
its actually bad for you to push, you can easily burst a blood vessel. you should let it come out naturally.
howtobestupid 16
Its how you get hemmeroids
201chasew 22
I learn so much on here. I didn't know that could happen.
Brandi_Faith 34
Your right 8, but telling someone that is extremely constipated to not push and wait for it to come naturally doesn't really help seeing as they would be waiting a very long time for it to come out on its own. Op probably needs to go to the pharmacy and buy some laxatives and or stool softeners. If this is a regular problem but they have trouble with laxatives they they should try Magnesium Glycinate capsules.
HarshD9619 34
Don't put so much strain, it only causes pain
jerryj 27
You may even burst a vein or clog the water main.
MattM95 16
I didn't even know that was possible.
devildog562 33
Lucky you didn't get a hernia also. Try some magnesium citrate next time.