Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML
Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML
Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML
Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML
Today, I woke up from my wisdom tooth surgery… while they were still sawing my jaw. I had such a bad panic response that they also cut my lip, so I have stitches inside and outside of my mouth, as well as the haunting crackle of bone being removed from my skull stuck in my head. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML
Today, I went to get some teeth pulled. I had Novocaine in my gums and lip so I couldn't feel a thing. When the doctor is pulling out the last tooth, he sneezes and pulls the tooth out. He looks in my mouth and I hear, "Oh, shit..." I now have stitches in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
SparkleyTurtle 4
Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS!!!
olpally 32
A sense of humor... I can't believe I just had to explain that... :/
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Comments (59)
SparkleyTurtle 4
Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS!!!
olpally 32
31- you have no sense of humor... Go find it...
olpally 32
A sense of humor... I can't believe I just had to explain that... :/
xoconnie 8
33- His sense of humor..... lmao, 32, people these days just dont use their brains
reddudeover 2
Alternatively she could call the nosebusters. *Taps myself on the shoulder *Asks me to leave
BigBoyBounce 5
And while you're at it, Ghostbusters can find 31s sense of humor.
ManInTheMachine 19
40-It's compeltely baffling how much you are missing the point. They said you need to get a sense of humor BECAUSE you were pointing out that it isn't funny. Because obviously, a lot of people did find it funny. Do you get it now? I hope for your sake that you do.
ManInTheMachine 19
Nobody is stopping you from stating your opinion dumbass. Just like you have a right to say that her comment isn't funny, I have a right to say that you are probably one of the most dense human beings I've come across in a while. So go ahead and state it. But we don't have to agree with it, and we can sure as hell thumb you down for it.
Mariebaz 11
40- I'm laughing my ass off, sorry to disappoint you "O Humorless One"
wannaplay 1
Ooh look at this pole. I'm going to slide down it.
pil_84 9
Yes! Just yes!!
DomDomxoxo 16
Since nobody said it before, exodusthapower: STFU!
auzz1_pride 9
69) you missed the dots, and there were no exclamation marks either -.-
bunniex1 11
31 yes, just yes.
bunniex1 11
87 you girls. AHHHH just AHHH
reddawn1985 12
What's ghostbusters?
bunniex1 11
Google ghostbusters and I'm sure an explanation will be there. In the event your to lazy to google ghostbusters I'll tell you that it's a movie about guys catching ghosts.
truth_spitta 0
Reddawn I hope sincerely once again you are joking this is the second time in two days I have face palmed at your comment..and why is your name reddawn if you havent seen that many older movies?
linarahmany 6
Damn exodusthapower ur a retard
p3mguin 7
He didn't see one movie, ONE! It's ghostbusters, it's a movie, not something everybody saw in the country. You are face palming because somebody hasn't seen a movie. IM DONE
TheArchAngel 8
I'd rather call the Winchester boys.... I've always wanted to meet them! (Supernatural reference:D)
ugwmii 0
MYTHBUSTERS!
kriz_allizwell 6
the doctor...again...
truth_spitta 0
No, 101 I'm face palming because multiple times on fml's he has just been utterly ignorant.
lolfood 24
Please Exodust, get the **** off of FML
bmkc4 1
Haha that's so funny!
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
No, it's not. With the pain in mind, I don't understand your sense of humor.
himynameischeese 6
U think it's funny, but if it was u, damn it would hurt!
Roflsauruz 12
^ 76, I doubt it would hurt as much if OP was THAT high on painkillers. But she might've said: "Owwww, teehee! o:" [Opiates are baaaad, bad things. :)..]
bmkc4 1
Everyone has their own opinion, huh
bunniex1 11
43 it's funny BECAUSE of the pain. Hehe silly girl
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
93 - Just didn't find it funny. Not everyone laughs at pain, you know. :)
hecallsmedarlin 7
117- Some do, some don't. Boo hoo. Move on.
mikeofthunder 13
OP didn't post it for sympathy, people generally laugh at FML posts; she knew this and that's probably why she posted it
11mandy80 6
Sounds like my sis
xactownife 7
Maybe your sister is OP.
11mandy80 6
Lol
Zombiegore420 0
Oh the joy of mistakingly seeing teh wrong thing.
elephantom12 9
The*
Zombiegore420 0
No, teh* is what I meant to write actually.
therealslim 15
Spelling 'the' wrong doesn't make you cool
TheArchAngel 8
Complaining about it won't make you 'cool' either.
mikeofthunder 13
Gee guys, let people do they're own thing! You're cool, zombs
alicianoar 7
The noise ruptured the stitch? Or the movement?
buckeye08 10
You are retarded.
daizttgg 9
You're so stupid of course it was the movement dumbass you think the noise is going to do that?
Zombiegore420 0
Your an idiot, it specifically says " I screamed so loud I burst a stitch " maybe actually read the fml. LOL
KiddNYC1O 20
I'm pretty sure the stretching did it.
alicianoar 7
Exactly, I was questioning what they wrote, fuckheads.
Shrike 23
22, take some midol and chill the **** out.
olpally 32
14- holy run-on sentence batman! use punctuation. 16- you're* and it's nose, not noise... Good lord... There, I just saved the grammar nazis' a lot of work... Damn... Lol
olpally 32
Noise is correct, my bad... *cue the thumbs down*
Zombiegore420 0
Lol fuckhead, your cute. K so liek since ur to stupid to understand this fml i'll break it down for you (:. Because he got scared and screamed ur liek mouth opens when u scream, so liek that kinda bursted a stitch in his mouth from teh mouth surgery he just got. Lol n00b.
Zombiegore420 0
Hahaha, yesss.
alicianoar 7
Haha really? I had no idea, thanks for clearing that up! But seriously, I just meant it's the movement, not the sound.
Zombiegore420 0
Uh huh. >__>
MrSassypants 33
olpally, #38 needs some "liek" help, please.
olpally 32
38- like* :D haha.
alicianoar 7
...she was obviously talking like that on purpose.
MrSassypants 33
#53 Oh really? I thought she was doing it on accident. My bad. Lets just al tlk lik dis n hope no1 gets annyd. LOL.
olpally 32
53- I knew she was typing like that on purpose... I was responding to mrsassypants request to help 38... Lol.. Just doing my job :D
wannaplay 1
6- You mad?
wannaplay 1
53- You mad?
ganjaranja 10
MissSassyPants and Alicianoar's pictures look I similar I got confused, at one point I thought the poster was talking to themselves lol.
auzz1_pride 9
53) is your picture mean't to be mocking mrsassypants?
BeMyLove15 10
It's a shame when someone actually tries to make themselves look stupid by the way they spell.
superswagbro 7
38 is "liek" really annoying.
chels1994 11
This thread made me laugh for a solid minute and a half
Skittlepickle 13
^liek lern 2 spell kk? Then maybe people will know what you're trying to say.
MarisaCB 16
My favorite thread ever. and-- dafuq? noise ruptures stitches? what am the sky?
Minna_fml 14
*you're Good try making a pass at the grammar Nazi though.
Minna_fml 14
To 38, sorry I liek forgot her number.
furfantasies 0
How can you even... why would the noise.. what.
Zombiegore420 0
Thanks xD man idgaf if all of you hate on me LOL. It's just fml guys calm down.
lolfood 24
Zombiegore, welcome to FML. Home to the grammar nazis.
TheArchAngel 8
38- u shuld liek let go of that liek dumb valley girl accent liek its really annoying and liek so are u. And your comments are liek totally not liek funny at all. Must I throw a dictionary at your head?
TheArchAngel 8
Oh wait. Nevermind... She didn't use 'liek' as many times as I thought she did..... You can thumb me down now.
MrSassypants 33
#132 dont worry i wont liek thumb u down. Cuz thats liek 4 meenies.
LittleAkuma 2
Maybe he/she thought the vibrations could.... Yeah still doesn't make sense, but to answer your question it was most likely the movement. Just a guess though (I forgot their number so I am just going to say person that made the comment we are commenting on.)
kingatowning 2
Actually a certain amount of decibels can rupture a stitch but im pretty sure the movement helped too.
NothernNightmare 18
Damn, thats horrible. I hope you get better. But seriously, next time take a minute to figure out what you're staring at before screaming uncontrollably...
xNephilim 18
It's kinda hard to think straight when you're hopped up on pain pills.
Opheliac73 8
7, if I saw a ghost then I wouldn't hang around for a minute inspecting it and contemplating whether or not it was a legit ghost. I'd scream like a little girl before the tissue killed me.
NothernNightmare 18
64 - But why would you scream so much at the thought of a ghost? They're just imaginary.
KiwiKitten 2
83, are you an idiot?
NothernNightmare 18
91, Please explain to me your reasoning for thinking I am an idiot.
StanSmith_fml 9
That's what the ghost wants you to think.
MrSassypants 33
I was thinking the exact same thing 9. And the blood on the ghost's tip of the head shows he has a huge thirst for blood.
The_CL0GGER 0
who else read this in Stan Smith's voice?
dude1122332 9
Me.
hecallsmedarlin 7
Finally, a comment that is good. All have been buried since the 1st one. Got a load of lame ass's in the humor department today I see.
wellnevermind 4
Something similar happened today in my house... Are you sure you're not my brother? x'D -just saw you're a female. Never mind.
snowleopardlove 0
Your profile picture is pretty. I want to steal it... O_o
The_CL0GGER 0
51. stealing is wrong
nado13579 12
But Casper doesn't scare people. He's a friendly ghost. :)
kkmwong 11
That's must be awfully painful. Wouldn't wish that on anyone.