Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML
Today, I kept hearing a weird buzzing sound in my apartment. I turned off everything, unplugged appliances, and was on the verge of calling maintenance. Turns out, it was my electric toothbrush vibrating in my suitcase… for three hours. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
Today, I was in a quiet library when I noticed a buzzing sound. I ignored it, but it kept going. I looked around, but nobody else seemed to notice. After 5 minutes of searching, I realized the buzzing was coming from my backpack. My electric toothbrush had turned itself on and was rattling around. Everyone watched me pull out a vibrating bag. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
\ 28
Why is it that everyone seems so quick to judge??
PenguinBitch 44
Colorful names huh? "How dare you bring that vibrator you greenish, pinkish, orange with a tint of blue!!"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (109)
PenguinBitch 44
Colorful names huh? "How dare you bring that vibrator you greenish, pinkish, orange with a tint of blue!!"
sp00derman 23
*gasp* not orange with a tint of blue !
ultrabigasstaco 10
I know a girl who had this happen. But it actually was a sex toy...
HiIAmKevin 8
You mean to tell me toothbrushes aren't sex toys?!? What have I been missing?
FreeOne_fml 4
If your toothbrush is that easy to turn on, are you? ;) Anyways, just brush away the awkwardness, she'll be at a floss for words when she realizes her mistake!
DubstepCrazyXD 11
Why is it that parents get so upset when their kids have sex toys or are looking at "things" online? Isn't that safer than having sex?? Not saying that's what OP had but still.
QQmore_fml 18
I'm guessing your mom caught you spanking it huh?
kozzard 17
not gonna lie, first thing I thought of was Stephen Lynch
DubstepCrazyXD 11
At least once lol
limitedition 25
What's wrong with having a sex toy? You should buy her one with Mother's Day fast approaching.
Fluffydemise 18
Age of OP would help determine appropriateness of mums response. I guess whichever way she jumped the gun. Tell her not to shoot first and ask questions later.
FreeOne_fml 4
I don't think any age would make that an appropriate reaction, if Op is young the mom should have no reason to be so suspicious, and if she's older then the mom shouldn't be so nosy about what she's doing in her own time... Regardless of age, that was a ridiculous assumption, I've seen dozens of non sexual things that vibrate, for that to be your go to reaction is pretty suspicious.
7yzzFML 17
Why would the age matter... it doesnt matter if shes 12 or 20. If shes 12 and shes started masturbating then shes opened pandora's box and thats natural and its not gonna stop, ever. Better that she have something designed to be safe and not hurt the body in anyway than get desperate for foreign objects, for example a toothbrush, which arent designed to be put up certain places and could cause harm. Ane age from when someone starts puberty, sex toys are not inappropriate. Thats like saying masturbation is inappropriate, and I know there are some peopkle on here retarded enough to think that, so I'll brace myself.
fadingaway 17
That's ridiculous. People shouldn't assuming things like that. Even if it was a vibrator, it's only natural to explore your sexuality and at least with yourself it's completely safe. Sounds like a guilty conscience - like she's got a vibe of her own that she doesn't want anyone to know about. What kind of names do you call someone for that anyway?
Chumsword 8
Hypocrite
lulubelles 33
Maybe she should get herself a toothbrush and clean out her dirty mouth! Using a sex toy is nothing compared to cussing out your child
GrinchFu1 27
Not for nothin, but I dated a pretty adventurous girl a while back and I convinced her to play a little game I like to call, "Guess what's in ya!" I won't get into all the fun details but I used I battery powered toothbrush on her and she totally guessed it right. Anyway, to the truly imaginative, anything can be used as a sex toy!
seniorchang 16
Wtf did I just read?.... "Guess what's in ya?" I thought Milton Bradley came up with some bizarre games?!
AngrySailor 17
I knew a couple strippers who lived together and they played "what's in my ****" all the time. Changing the TV channel always seemed awkward...
RedPillSucks 33
I knew a woman that could blow smoke rings with a lit cigarette placed in her vag.
GrinchFu1 27
I started out easy... I ended up winning with a toilet plunger handle. Haha!! In all fairness though, I didn't think she'd guess the toothbrush.
EffYoLife 14
why does she care if you have a sex toy? its safer than having sex with a person! she should get one! Then maybe she wont be so uptight.
AngrySailor 17
Especially if it's a "dong"