Intimacy: Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning...

By quadropheniac - United States

Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML

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Intimacy

Walk on the wild side

There's no helping some people

Honesty is the best policy

By Faceplant - United States - Port Orchard

Smooth move, teach.

Today, I monitored my students as they conducted a lab experiment. I was walking to the other side of the room while looking at a student who seemed about to ask a question. When she looked up at me, I walked into a wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wooden floor gave me a splinter on the bottom of my foot. I don't have the flexibility nor the eyesight to find it. FML

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By Wells Fargo Worker

Well shit.

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

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By anon - United States - Addison

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

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By myrkes - Switzerland - Marstetten

Today, it's the day before my friends' wedding. My dress has not yet been shipped from the online shop where I ordered it three weeks ago, the hand-crafted gift that was ordered last month is trapped at customs and my cats have just managed to open the drawer and eat the wedding card. FML

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By effme - United States

Today, I spent ages applying for a scholarship on-line. I found out on the very last page that I do not meet the qualifications for it. FML

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By Anonycunt - Germany - Bonn

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML

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By spoton

Today, I sliced my finger on the register drawer. Not wanting to freak out my customer, I stuck my hand in my pocket and finished giving them change. Now I look like I period-bled through the front of my pants. Only 10 hours to go. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sooke

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

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By yeahthatsme - United States

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

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By dumped - United States

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while e-mailing my dream college, I noticed you can see other people's profile pictures when I saw a lady I've met before. I've been using this e-mail account to communicate with all the colleges and universities. My profile picture is baby Elmo. FML

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By frenchpop1960 - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my husband and his best mate got drunk and decided it would be a good idea to try hitchhike naked for a joke. Although no one was willing to pick up two naked 28 year old-men off the side of the main road, someone did call the cops. They are being held overnight. FML

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By Mrs. Teacher - United States - Suwanee

Today, I collected my students' notes in class to check them. One girl, who is always drawing weird anime crap in her sketchbook, turned in just one piece of paper that read, "FUCK YOUR CLASS." FML

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By frozen solid - United States - Allentown

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 02:01

Spineless

Today, after weeks of thinking about how to ask my crush out, I finally was ready to message her on Instagram, only to find out that she unfollowed me after watching my last story. FML

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By Tallie

Today, I fell down the stairs, breaking my foot and tendons. It was the first time I had ever broken anything, and the doctor said that it's the most complicated break he'd ever seen. It's too complicated to operate. Now I'm stuck in a wheelchair for god knows how long. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom - Lancaster

Today, whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend, she received a flirty message from her ex on her phone asking if she wanted to go to the cinema. She replied, knowing I could see the screen. The messages were signed with a love heart and about 15 kisses. She claims they are still just friends. FML

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By sal - United States - Rexburg

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

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By Anonymous

Cockstepblocked

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

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By Burnt - United States

Today, while changing a light bulb, I was electrocuted. I screamed before I blacked out. My entire family was home and heard me scream, but didn't come and check because they were too busy watching Glee. FML

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By jobless

Today, I had my first interview after weeks of applying everywhere, but I got turned away for being "inappropriately dressed" for the interview. I was wearing the smartest clothes I own. FML

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By riappp - United States

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

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By ItHurtsLIkeHell - Malaysia

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

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By Renderfist

Today, I had to comfort my wife after she found out that her boyfriend wasn't faithful to her. FML

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By amandanoelle - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

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By post it - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

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By deee21 - Australia

Today, while resting in bed, I felt a slight tickle on my neck. Thinking it was a cockroach, I panicked and flung it across the bedroom. Turns out it was my brand new necklace, which is now broken into dozens of pieces. FML

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By :( - United States - Parker

Today, I was at a swim meet, swimming as hard as I'd ever swum before. During the last lap I saw no one in the lanes next to me. Thinking I was first, I became extremely excited. When I came to the wall, I realized the reason no one else was around: They already finished the race. I was last. FML

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By Confused - Spain - Madrid

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was really psyched to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 at the movies. Excited, I tried to do a flying kick off the cafeteria wall at work. Instead of kicking off, my leg crashed through the plasterboard and got stuck. My co-workers had to pull me free. FML

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By bringthemback - United States - Columbia

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Bloomfield

Good boy

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

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By I piss upon thee - United States - Toledo

Today, I got a warning for not covering a shift, on my day off, for someone who didn't want to go to work. Apparently the next time I “do something wrong", I'll either get warned again or fired, whichever they feel like doing. FML

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By Anonymous - Finland

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML

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Top comments

By ohhfudge | 0

#287197 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:23

thats fucking disgusting. fyl

By badaboom_fml | 0

#287204 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:24

ew. lets hope that was the first time.

COMMENTS

By ohhfudge | 0

#287197 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:23

thats fucking disgusting. fyl

DarkPrince_fml | 0

#972470 - Thursday 1 April 2010 6:04

-make her use my toothbrush -

okieraider71 | 4

#1074252 - Thursday 8 July 2010 14:52

(Her sister really enjoys anal vibrations)

matt5217 | 4

#1076150 - Friday 9 July 2010 23:18

your a horse!!! how are you on fml! it must be hard to type with those big hoofs of yours!

LoadFasterPage | 0

#1342348 - Friday 3 September 2010 8:38

lol cameltoe........

By badaboom_fml | 0

#287204 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:24

ew. lets hope that was the first time.

Rach_star | 0

#511191 - Monday 24 August 2009 14:01

Haha, omg! Yeahh
Cause if not, then tenchnically. . . He has been . . .
*Shivers*

idrownfish | 0

#814521 - Monday 1 February 2010 4:32

OPs a girl 2

By jakeisgay3397 | 0

#287206 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:25

yeah, really.

By loveyababe | 0

#287210 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:25

tell her to buy you a new toothbrush.

By ComputerAnalysis | 0

#287211 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:25

LOL
You're life is so fucked. Wonder how long she's been doing that for.

isallwaysme | 27

#5240429 - Wednesday 12 December 2012 12:51

your*

By lovemin | 0

#287212 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:25

get a new brush. stick the other one in the toilet. before flushing. and dont let her know for a while ;]

By PistachioNut94 | 0

#287216 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:26

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

lol_good_one | 0

#361078 - Thursday 2 July 2009 15:56

ewww is right ....
do to your sister what Michael Corleone did to Fredo ROFL

DragonMasterMF | 0

#395390 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 14:56

Deffo ewwwwwwwww, he now knows what his sister tastes like...icky

cadillacgal79 | 32

#6003891 - Thursday 10 July 2014 14:21

318-OP is a girl.

By dem54 | 0

#287218 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:26

this sounds oddly like another fml. .
where the guy catches his sister using his electric toothbush to masturbate..
weird.

genlam98 | 0

#2723132 - Monday 20 June 2011 16:24

haha I know!

By FrootLoops_ | 0

#287220 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:26

similar to the classic fml about the girl using her brother's electric toothbrush.

By Iudex | 0

#287224 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:26

Do the same thing to her, brush your teeth with her vibrator.

fredwillkill | 0

#332330 - Tuesday 23 June 2009 5:17

lol FTW
yeah try that and see how well it works

kcid | 0

#333578 - Tuesday 23 June 2009 17:31

I like the way you think.....

Crimso | 0

#374756 - Tuesday 7 July 2009 6:30

she'll never see it coming!!!

paladin911 | 0

#456272 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 15:19

to get back at her you should scratch your balls with HER toothbrush
HOW YA LIKE ME NOW,BIS-NITCH???

2gether4ever | 0

#974503 - Monday 5 April 2010 16:15

the OP is a GIRL, retard.

julian1179 | 0

#989688 - Sunday 9 May 2010 7:51

better yet: use her toothbrush to clean your toilet, without her knowing, & don't forget to grab her vibrator, break it, and throw it away

Gabitz | 0

#2918738 - Monday 18 July 2011 5:40

I'm pretty sure that would be a fail on his part.

Simranbgg | 4

#3780885 - Saturday 24 December 2011 10:13

I love that idea. Amazing how people think