Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML
Today, my wife fell asleep. I was giving her head at the time. Her snoring gave it away. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML
Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, I faked back pain to get out of sex with my wife. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
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Top comments
MrFuzzles 5
You did her so good... You knocked her unconscious AND gave her an ******. Kudos to you champion of the bedroom.
KitGrey 4
Anyone else disturbed that he apparently noticed she had fallen asleep kept going?
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Comments (168)
SerendipityRose 26
Get her involved, man! My Husband & I talk about the things we want (not usually during, but we've had detailed conversations about it)... We've been married almost 6 years & our fun gets hot enough to give the neighbors 2nd degree burns. Put her pleasure first & not only will she show more interest in wrinkling the sheets, she'll probably be very inclined to return the favor. ;)
WaywardDaughter 26
Maybe she doesn't want to talk it. Talking doesn't fix those kind of problems.
chemchic 7
Um, yes it does help to fix such problems. Communication is the key to ANYTHING in a relationship.
WaywardDaughter 26
Talking about bad sex does no magically make it better...it just makes both parties aware of it.
chemchic 7
Yes then, when aware of the specific issues, they can come up with an action plan to fix it. Idiot.
WaywardDaughter 26
Talking about something and doing something are complete different. You can have the best action plan that does not mean that anything will change.
xNephilim 19
Yeah but talking about it is the first step toward fixing it. I don't know about you but I don't magically know what my boyfriend wants just by him looking at me.
PlaidPanda 9
121- if you do have a lover I feel like he's just pleasing himself. Talking about issues in the bedroom should fix them "I don't like when you do that." It probably shouldn't be done anymore/as often "I wanna try this." Next time that should be done. At least that's how it works for me, and other people it seems like.
KitGrey 4
Could be, just not sure why she'd bother faking if he'd stopped.
klovemachine 24
Doesn't matter...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...oh forget it :(
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"Zzzzz...wah? Huh? What the ****? Oh! Oh god yes!" "Cut the bullshit, I know you were sleep." "...and you kept going?!"
DjeePee 25
I hoped you stopped when she fell asleep. You know, that sounds like a big 'I don't want sex' to me, aka 'rape'. Anyway, it's been said a thousands times already: communicate with her. If this is just a single case, no problem, but if she's always bored with sex, big problem. Try to find out what she likes without pressuring her. And if she sometimes don't feel to ******, let her be. Better no ****** than a faked one.
Ray_of_midnight 23
yeah, this FML is just plain disturbing on a whole bunch of different levels. She falls asleep and he doesn't stop, she won't communicate to him what he needs to do to get her off and fakes it instead...whole lotta trouble going on here.
aylard 0
If she took the time to fake an ******, its obviously not rape.
DjeePee 25
But during the time she was asleep, it was... I guess.
hell0kiitty_fml 2
How is it possible to fall asleep while having sex??
GVirdi 11
She must've been on the bottom
honestjane 22
Exhaustion. She was probably already tired and he nagged her into having sex. If that's the case she was probably going to fake it just to get him off of her so she could go to sleep. It just happened in the wrong order ;)
HerrBawl 4
Or. . . . . . Sex swing?
Ray_of_midnight 23
CSB: I knew a guy who fell asleep while getting a beej. The woman who was giving it to him told all his friends and he never lived it down.
b3llalooove 3
Bj*
doubleea 3
Or they could be saying it as beej... Can also be referred to as a beejer, or gobbie
hell0kiitty_fml 2
Seems to me that they have one boring sex life ... :p
ComeFlyWithMe 2
Excuse me for being off topic, but it's nice to see a FML from my home country! Rarely do I see Sri Lanka on here...
DaBugg 7
Ha, u should be better in bed, go do some sut ups or crunches
missalkali 8
at first I read that as "shut ups"
GVirdi 11
Aren't sit ups and crunches the same thing? And what does that have to do with his wife going to sleep?
darnellq 13
No, sit-ups are all the way up and back down. Crunches are short-rapid movements.
GVirdi 11
Oh now I see how it could make OP better Great now I gotta get ready for thumb downs Any exercise that helps with that?
perdix 31
#31, My guess is DaBugg meant that ab exercises will allow him to deliver more vigorous pelvic thrusts which would keep his wife awake. I'm thinking that he might also benefit from "shut-ups" if his dirty talk is so boring that it's sleep-inducing.
perdix 31
Your entrance entranced her! She wasn't sleeping; your magic **** lulled her into a love coma. It's a dream cum true ;)
GVirdi 11
Creampie .-. Jk Facial Wake her up with some love juice .-.
ChickInGreenVans 12
that is just gross!!>_<..
GVirdi 11
I know .-. I read it over and well.. I wish there was a delete button I should just not comment at 5am anymore
ChickInGreenVans 12
O well..
auzz1_pride 9
48) please keep it up, you're the only one I really notice commenting on this site :D
GVirdi 11
Sorry but I have to draw the line right there :3 I was trying to bore myself not disgust people with my stupid comments x.X well auzz see you at another Fml
auzz1_pride 9
Good job chickingreenvan, there goes my entertainment for the next hour >:(
ChickInGreenVans 12
the fact that you knocked her dead(hence fell asleep) makes me wonder.. What do you have in therE??(your pants that is) A platinum dick:/..
ebonyirony 29
Or she was just, y'know, tired. I have insomnia and when I used to take a certain medicine, it knocked me out. I almost fell asleep in the shower. Obviously this isn't the same case since she woke back up, but I've had nights where I've fallen asleep on the phone and woke up to say something, only to find the call was ended.
ChickInGreenVans 12
And how does that make you feel??
auzz1_pride 9
63) depends who the caller was, if it was my aunt I'd be over the ******* moon.
ebonyirony 29
63, it was a small anecdote that related back to the text. Sorry.
patrickalamo 48
If you cannot be with the one you love, love the one your with...
ChickInGreenVans 12
Im pretty sure they love each other though.. just that the missus wanted to personally give herself some pleasure without his help..
ebonyirony 29
Honestly where does it say that in the Fml? She fell asleep. Not due to pleasing herself(it'd say that) or his"platinum dick". She just fell asleep.