Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while...

By ww2freak - 14/06/2012 01:17 - United States - Centreville

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 905

You deserved it 27 278

Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Sorry…

Good morning

By Joe - 16/04/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 999

You deserved it 138 101

By Anonymous - 23/03/2012 23:51 - United States - Meredith

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 829

You deserved it 32 832

Thanks babe...

By okaykk - 05/09/2018 13:00

Today, after having hardly any sleep the whole weekend, I was woken up at 3:30 am by the sound of running water. I opened my eyes to find my fiancé peeing in my favorite water bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 199

By madd_dizzle - 25/10/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, my crush finally let me drive his truck for the first time in a empty parking lot, after he told me he liked me. It was so dark that I ended up driving into and pole and totaled his car. Now he hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 721

You deserved it 43 306

Class act

By Anonymous - 23/03/2020 17:23

Today, after 5 years, an engagement, and me being 5 months pregnant, my boyfriend downloaded Tinder again. 2020 is really great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 257

All in a day's work.

By Steve-noh - 10/08/2018 23:30

Today, at my job as a waiter I sharted myself while taking an order. They tipped me $20 and wrote "for new underwear" on the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 083

You deserved it 563

By leonieNL - 12/08/2010 14:50 - Netherlands

Today, I got back from a 3 and a half week trip to South Africa to do volunteer work with children in townships. My parents forgot to pick me up, and I had to sit there by myself and wait for them, while 80 people of the same organization got loving hugs from their proud parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 517

You deserved it 3 817

By trafficfail - 01/06/2011 16:43

Today, as I was driving to work, I glanced in my rear view mirror to see an old man behind me using binoculars to see in front of him since we were stuck in a huge traffic jam. He rear ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 702

You deserved it 2 808

By icanunderstand - 10/07/2009 12:50 - Russian Federation

Today, I'm studying abroad in Russia, and I lost my keys to my dorm room. In the office I asked for a spare and she spoke really fast so I couldn't hear her. Assuming I don't speak Russian, she gets on the phone and calls maintenance saying, "There is this ugly girl about to cry... come fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 122

You deserved it 3 662

By jack - 08/10/2012 18:36 - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 920

You deserved it 2 525

By Rekt - 10/11/2016 05:40 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was taking a break in my work truck when I saw a huge swarm of bees flying my way. I have a hand crank window so I started cranking it up as fast as I could and the knob snapped off before it closed and I got stung by the whole swarm before I could get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 708

You deserved it 735

By MrG - 12/10/2014 03:14 - United States

Today, I had to write, "Do not use to freeze cat," on my bag of ice because my sister's cat died, and she refuses to bury it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 810

You deserved it 2 843

By thanks..? - 03/11/2018 17:30

Today, my dentist said I have a good tongue. That's the best compliment I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 280

You deserved it 212

By kiddo - 28/01/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, on my 18th birthday, my mom told me the man I thought was my father for 18 years was actually not my father, and my real father was in prison for murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 002

You deserved it 2 081

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 027

You deserved it 39 321

By Anonymous - 13/06/2014 15:36 - Afghanistan - Kabul

Today, thinking we'd still be able to finish our project in time for tomorrow's deadline, my work group put off doing any work until today. When we logged into the website we have to use, we found it was down for maintenance all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 718

You deserved it 48 405

By Murphy’s Christmas - 13/12/2018 13:30

Today my husband blew a tire in a hidden pothole on the way to work. I picked him up in my car later that day, only to hit an entirely different pothole, bending my rim and catapulting my hubcap into the woods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 579

You deserved it 174

My dear neighbor

By Anonymous - 22/02/2020 18:00

Today, I had a very sweet and romantic love note brutally scratched into the door of my brand new car. It was addressed to Cindy. Cindy lives next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 208

You deserved it 124

Zapped

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 11:01 - Germany - Olbersdorf

Today, I got the worst electric shock ever, touching a wire that was connected to the electric fence only by a plastic isolator, made specifically to NOT conduct electricity. I still don’t understand how it was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 021

You deserved it 2 910

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 14:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I stretched really hard when I woke up, only to feel something twang. This was followed by a really sharp pain. Thinking I'd given myself a hernia, I got up to check myself in the mirror, and was repulsed by the bulge I saw hanging out of my gut. Then I realised it was just my own flab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 042

You deserved it 40 433

Backstabbers

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 12:01 - United States

Today, after I applied for an IT position at work, and a coworker I’ve worked with for 3 years, who said she had no intention on applying, wished me luck and told me, "I hope you get it!" it's now a week later and it turns out she applied the next day, got the offer and accepted. I had to find out a week later from a different coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 78

By Dean Heffern - 22/02/2011 14:28

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill". He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 963

You deserved it 4 088

Stuck on amber

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 16:58

Today, I'm living with my now ex-girlfriend of 9 years in the house we bought together. What's worse than that is the fact that 2 weeks before she told me she was unhappy and ended it, I had bought an engagement ring. I didn't get the chance to ask, and had to return the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 246

You deserved it 185

By anonymous - 20/09/2016 22:49 - United States - Avon

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 361

You deserved it 12 187

By igiveup - 21/12/2012 03:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it's my wedding anniversary; my husband forgot. My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses and said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate. My daughter is more romantic and thoughtful than my own husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 914

You deserved it 3 903

By Anonymous - 19/01/2012 19:45 - United States

Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 354

You deserved it 5 369

Tired as hell

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 02:01

Today, I have to wake up in 3 hours for work, the medicine that should've made me sleep 8 hours straight failed and I woke up an hour later, not being able to sleep anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 51

By Bladerunner - 01/12/2011 09:49 - United States

Today, my car was towed. After taking a cab all the way to the lot for $45 and paying the $250 fee to get my car back, my car broke down in the impound lot and needed to be towed to the nearest shop, where it took another $200 to fix, and $50 for the towing. I still have a 3 hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 076

You deserved it 3 511

By CantWin - 07/06/2016 22:38 - United States - Provo

Today, after finally applying myself and busting my butt all semester, I found out the school is accusing me of cheating because they couldn't believe I could have gotten near-perfect grades considering my grade history. If this is how society rewards academic turnarounds, why do I even bother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 889

You deserved it 1 176

By anonymous - 12/11/2014 05:21 - United States - Elk River

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 720

You deserved it 3 596

By CaeliLady - 13/09/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 6 353

By Anonymous - 05/02/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 093

You deserved it 32 089

By flipflap - 14/06/2015 06:35

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 226

You deserved it 7 058

Question Time

By embarrassed - 03/01/2010 06:53 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said "hopefully never." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 371

You deserved it 2 784

By Anonymous - 23/11/2010 17:35 - Canada

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 942

You deserved it 5 952

By butterball - 18/07/2012 14:41 - Israel - Palmahim

Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 074

You deserved it 6 554

By journeytotheend - 14/07/2012 06:55 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went to city hall to pay for a parking ticket. After returning to my truck, I found a parking ticket on my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 199

You deserved it 27 976

By ziatenaj - 15/10/2010 10:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 164

You deserved it 2 950

By Zamaria - 02/10/2009 22:23 - France

Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 666

You deserved it 3 343

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Top comments

Yellow_Fish79 11

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:18

Tell him he is on the naughty list! Peeking under stalls... >:

allblacksfan 7

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:19

I would do the exact same thing. Who would want to miss out on meeting Santa?

Yellow_Fish79 11

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:18

Tell him he is on the naughty list! Peeking under stalls... >:

Sing_Along 7

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:23

Why were you whisteling Christmas songs this time of year? Isn't it a little early?

GVirdi 11

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:05

It's never too early for christmas! Free presents! Too bad my family doesn't celebrate christmas

perdix 29

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Thursday 14 June 2012 14:07

And that Santa forwards the Naughty List to Jerry Sandusky ;)

truth_spitta 0

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Thursday 14 June 2012 15:34

Lol perdix...that's terrible, but hilarious! Anyways, sometimes songs are just stuck in your head, like my sister if obsessed with 1D and she always sings it and people go wtf when I sing it sometimes purely because it's stuck in my head

simonsaysYDI 8

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Thursday 14 June 2012 18:53

-Doesn't get the joke perdix made. Gives it a thumbs up anyway-

xoconnie 8

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Thursday 14 June 2012 19:13

that kid must be scarred for life!

AKGirlinSD 20

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Friday 15 June 2012 11:23

5- Maybe he lives in the city of North Pole, Alaska, where it is Christmas year round! You can go meet Santa any day of the year there, even in the shitter! (My phone doesn't allow me to see where the original poster's location is so I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt).

allblacksfan 7

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:19

I would do the exact same thing. Who would want to miss out on meeting Santa?

auzz1_pride 9

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:25

A little Jewish boy maybe?

GVirdi 11

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:08

I saw him at the mall once! But they wouldn't let me go because apparently 15 year olds can't believe in Santa :c

ChickInGreenVans 12

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Thursday 14 June 2012 14:35

I <3 Santa:)..

auzz1_pride 9

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Thursday 14 June 2012 14:36

I saw a black one when I was 12 he said some very mean things to me :((

zachherbert 10

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Thursday 14 June 2012 17:11

I don't care what y'all crackas say... Santa is black!

Oreohugzpenny 4

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Monday 25 June 2012 20:39

14 What religion are you?

MrFuzzles 5

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:21

Give him a present, don't kill his faith in Santa!

ladyLALAA 28

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:35

OP... Oh, yes, of course I am Santa *hands random kid stray tic-tac, bobbi-pin and kinder surprise toy* Kid... Uhh, I want a bike!

mcinnesandrew 6

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Thursday 14 June 2012 20:56

Haha he'd be like "shit I don't have anything" *reaches in toilet* "here you go kid it's... Ummm Mr.Potato Head?"

auzz1_pride 9

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:23

Nice, getting into the Christmas spirit early I see.

VeganVampyre 26

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Thursday 14 June 2012 15:29

Or late... :P

the_anti_hipster 7

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Friday 15 June 2012 7:29

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!

indoorsy 3

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:28

Haha I hope you went along with it, that's enough to scar a kid for life!

ashesofempires04 7

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Friday 15 June 2012 8:15

Kids do dumb shit like that all the time. I had one look under the stall at me trying to find his grandpa maybe a minute after grandpa said he would wait outside. I just stared.

HeyMondayAddict 4

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:29

That's why you shout satan prayers. It will clear the bathroom for you to use in peace.

GVirdi 11

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:10

And then a demon pops out of your ass

aleeshttylXD 9

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Thursday 14 June 2012 17:20

ahahaha XD

gpg5 18

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Wednesday 14 August 2013 9:48

I just died

thelastavailable 13

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:30

It's June. Please nobody get "into the spirit", I could do with a few more months of sanity.

Michaelsgirl04 9

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:47

dang dude. Bahumbug!

auzz1_pride 9

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:00

I hate you so much for posting this comment, I have spent the past 10minutes trying to remember the "Santa is coming to town" carol, but I can't get it right :(

GVirdi 11

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:13

You better not shout! You better not cry! You better not pout, I'm telling you why! Santa Claus is coming, to town He stalks you when you're sleeping, he hides when you're awake But seriously 9, these days there's no such thing as "sanity"

ShyAnn29 14

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:17

I was trying to remember that song to, but I couldn't

GVirdi 11

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:27

Am I the only 1 who remembered jiggle bells?..

auzz1_pride 9

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:43

Jingle bells batman smells, robin laid an egg!! Santa dropped his balls and blew up U.S.A, 2005 version FTW. It never gets old :)

onlychildFTW 33

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Thursday 14 June 2012 18:24

What about Christmas in July? That's coming up soon.

BradTheBrony 19

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Thursday 14 June 2012 21:15

24, there's a mistake in your comment. Let me fix it. *balls

smilepatrol 7

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Thursday 14 June 2012 12:49

I don't think that's what Santa had in mind when he said coal to the bad children.

GVirdi 11

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:15

Short on supply?

Unbweavable 17

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:06

Dude it's June...wtf

GVirdi 11

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:17

But there's no songs for June :c

auzz1_pride 9

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:27

22) I'm surprise one of your comments haven't been moderated yet, mine did. Though I think it's because I typed too many within a short period :L

GVirdi 11

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:54

I'm just a bored teen trying to make myself more bored so I can sleep Other than that it's 5am and I can't really think of anything good to post on a Fml about a little boy looking in bathroom stalls for Santa

Killuhk 8

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Thursday 14 June 2012 22:20

He's getting ready for July lol

ElmoSaysSquishy 28

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Friday 15 June 2012 0:27

70 Christmas wasn't in July the last time I checked.

calaholic35 0

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Friday 15 June 2012 1:33

Ever heard of Christmas in July.. Idiot..

challan 19

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Thursday 14 June 2012 13:15

Sometimes he's nutty Sometimes he's corny He can be brown or greenish brown But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve He might come to your town! Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo He loves me, I love you Therefore, vicariously he loves you!