Today, at work, I had to analyze timecards data and generate a report on the least billed / occupied people at work. I found myself at the bottom. I sent it to my boss too. FML
Today, it's my birthday, and the only person that called me was my boss. He wants me to cover his shift tonight. FML
Today, I thought I was having a nice day at work, until I had a client who paid me $376 in rolls made of 0.05 and 0.10. It took me an hour to count. FML
Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML
Today, I was in line at Chipotle behind the guy ordering for his entire office. FML
Today, I’m currently battling a cold that caused me to call into work yesterday and, as of this morning, I’ve also started my period and have the most painful cramps ever. Good thing I have the day off from work. FML
Today, at my job in a nursing home, the State Department of Health inspected us, during which a dementia patient repeatedly screamed that I always hurt her. This was the first time that I'd ever seen her. FML
Today, I had a customer go on a 15-minute rant about how disgusting fat people are, and how they deserve it if they develop diabetes, gout, etc. Yes, I am fat. I eat well, I exercise, I've had a gastric balloon, I've been to weight loss retreats, dieticians, personal trainers, and yet I'm "gross." FML
Today, at my catering job, a woman left me a fake £10 note as a tip, which was actually one of those stupid invitations to attend her church, since "God is more valuable than cash." I have two kids and a wealthy ex refusing to pay support, so I’d have preferred no tip at all instead of this bullshit. FML
Today, my after-school community center received a complaint from an upset parent and they’re threatening to “sue” for traumatizing their child. Apparently, someone replaced all the books in the Little Free Library with the Kama Sutra and pornography books. FML
Today, I called a Lyft to go to work. I got dressed and even watched him finish his previous ride. We all know you have a 5 minutes window. It wasn’t even 5 minutes in when he cancelled my ride. Now I’m late for work. FML
Today, I had to deal with a guest who'd left his shoes outside his door to be polished. I told him our hotel doesn’t offer shoe polishing, so if they’re gone they must have been stolen. He then accused me of stealing them for myself, even though I’m a woman with feet 6 sizes smaller than his. FML
Today, I work as an executive assistant. My French boss wanted to do business with a big American customer, so he sent her an email suggesting a meeting. He copied me so that I could arrange said meeting. He had written, "Have your ass talk to my ass." FML
Today, I walked into work and overheard three of my female coworkers talking and laughing about how ugly my face is, and how they’re sorry for whoever has to marry me. They went on to name the coworkers they actually would sleep with. I’m 25 and I've still never had a girlfriend. Thanks for the self-esteem boost. FML
Today, I had pizza for lunch. Later, I passed out in front of a customer. Now I get to explain to my boss that I fainted on the job because of heartburn. FML
Today, me and three other colleagues were fired for playing the World Cup on our PCs. We weren’t even watching the games, we just let it play on a separate tab while we did our due diligence at work. Turns out, there’s a snitch in our office, none other than the girl who said, “That sport shit is lame.” FML
Today, like every day for the past two years, my aged mother has sat complaining all day loudly about relatives who call too little or too much, about another package being a few days late, or her laptop and TV not working properly. All while I'm trying to quietly work from home. I'm about ready to jump off a bridge. FML
Today, my son's school called me at work to let me know my son had broken his leg playing soccer, so I had to come and take him to hospital. I told my boss I had to leave, explaining why. He asked, "How old is your son? - 16. - He's 16 and he still needs his mother? You're not leaving!" FML
Today, I work as a butcher at my local supermarket. I was about to clear my area for the night to find that some assbucket has put “Fuck Joe Biden” stickers all over the frozen turkeys. I had to remove them. Even when I did, there was still sticker residue on them. FML
Today, I was at work with my boyfriend. I was being playful and recounting something that had happened in my D&D session the night before. I imitated the roar from the dragon that the DM had done, and midway though, the postman walked in with a delivery. He walked back out without a word. FML
Today, I was no longer being considered for the counselor position at a prestigious university because of a social media check. It wasn’t anything on my profile, it was comments I'd made on public posts, laced with profanity and insults towards other commenters. There goes my Christmas. FML
Today, I have to show my boss daily reports on my work over the last three months. She told me this yesterday. They're mandatory, but nobody has ever wanted to see them in the three years I've been working here, so I have long since stopped doing them. It's now 3 am, I start work at 7.30, and I'm not even close to done. FML
Today, a customer attempted to buy 5 mini blenders from our Black Friday sale. Our policy is a max of 2 per customer. When I pointed this out, the customer had a meltdown, spat on me, and stormed off. I have to get up tomorrow at the buttcrack of dawn to deal with shit like this again. FML
Today, I got fired from my job as a babysitter because the movie I showed the kids was "too violent and gave them nightmares." What movie was it? Mary Poppins. FML
Today, I went to work during Black Friday, after not being invited to my family's Thanksgiving dinner. FML
Today, I have several projects to finish and one exam tomorrow. There's this one project I do not know how to do, and nobody has told me the goddamn topics for tomorrow's exam, plus for some reason, there are too many ants crawling in my office, desk, and a few on my PC monitor. I rarely eat in my office. So, yeah. FML
Today, for the second time in 5 months, I was recognized for my hard work, sincerity, and all the adjectives that they use to describe good employees. What was my reward? A piece of chocolate. FML
Today, I sang "Happy Birthday" to my best friend. Sadly, it was while waitressing at work, where they were having a celebration I hadn't been invited to in the first place. FML
Today, while I was at work, I heard one of my employees laughing on the phone. I told him to shut up and get back to work. Turns out he was actually crying because his father had just died. FML
Today, I had terrible nightmares and woke up several times because of them, as well as my roommates having a pen and paper session downstairs. I had to get up at 6:30 a.m. and sit through a whole day of team training at work, barely staying awake. FML
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