Miscellaneous: Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter.... - FML

By Sam - 03/02/2012 04:00 - Canada

Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter. I didn't. I stutter too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 452

You deserved it 2 647

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

This Charming Man

Compromises

By thatCanadianGuy7 - 29/06/2009 19:55 - Canada

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 859

You deserved it 5 026

The "He's probably thinking of other girls" meme gone wrong

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 23:00

Today, my insomnia got so bad that I became convinced my husband was having an affair in our bed right next to me. I punched him so hard in the shoulder that he awoke from a sound sleep, farted, and then shook it off and went back to sleep unfazed. I'm so jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 159

By Username - 09/05/2011 07:38

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 789

You deserved it 3 383

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 111

You deserved it 3 641

By Anonymous - 05/11/2018 15:30

Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 3 444

By highlycontagious - 22/02/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, while walking through the fragrance area in a shopping center a women behind me asked; "Excuse me miss, would you like to sample our new fragrance line." I'm a 19 year old male. I turned around expecting her to correct herself. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 120

You deserved it 6 698

By Noname - 28/01/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I marked the 6th anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 131

You deserved it 5 669

By hushnow - 07/02/2011 18:04 - United States

Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer, who just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 786

You deserved it 3 725

A bug, not a feature

By is. - 08/04/2021 00:30

Today, I discovered that it is not, in fact, normal for ones hands to randomly stop working sometimes. I thought I was just clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 75

My alarm

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 16:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I let a friend cut my hair. I soon went from having a 'fro to looking like I lost a fight with a lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 662

You deserved it 17 334

By hurricane0331 - 24/06/2010 01:51 - United States

Today, a 75 year old lady drove into me. Her excuse was, "I wasn't looking." Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 039

You deserved it 3 287

Fire hazard

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 17:11

Today, my boyfriend thought it was OK for both of us to leave the house with the oven on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 221

By trying2breathe - 22/11/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. They also took the inhaler that fell out of my bag the night before. The one I needed to stop the asthma attack I had from the stress of having my car broken into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 269

You deserved it 2 834

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Parker

Today, I went to my first job interview in months. Just minutes in, a sudden huge, uncontrollable sneeze overcame me. A wad of snot flew out onto my shirt, which I didn't even notice until the visibly disgusted interviewer pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 238

You deserved it 3 884

By iAmJasper - 17/09/2014 21:56 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 350

You deserved it 8 849

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told his best friend to text my sister telling her to tell me that he was breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 761

You deserved it 2 972

By Allergies suck - 22/11/2016 15:33 - United States - Westport

Today, I had four separate allergic reactions. The first from the pillow at the hotel I was staying at, the second and third from two separate ice cream parlors due to cross-contamination, and the fourth from peanut dust in the air on the plane ride home from my vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 482

You deserved it 1 048

Broken bum

By P DarklyKira - 06/05/2020 17:00

Today, marks the 29th day since I missed my haemorrhoid surgery. They told me to wait because it's not life threatening and so that I don't get the virus going to the hospital, which I understand. The problem is, even though I take suppositories, it hurts badly and bleed each time I have to take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 113

By alyssac11 - 25/05/2010 04:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 554

You deserved it 4 252

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 04:53 - Canada

Today, I finally got everything in order to ask out the girl of my dreams. I bought her a gold necklace, engraved with our names, and with the date on the back. Everything was going great until she got sick and had to go home. Now I'm stuck with this necklace with the wrong date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 641

You deserved it 53 207

By lulupie - 08/08/2016 09:10

Today, I went to a job interview. I really needed the job to keep my apartment. As I was being interviewed, the manager looked past me and stared off into space. There goes the job and my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 998

You deserved it 1 132

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 23:43 - United States

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 3 561

Cheating cheater

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 17:01

Today, one of our local news stations decided it was the perfect day to film random people at the beach. I saw myself on TV, holding hands with my side chick. I hope my girlfriend doesn’t watch the news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 3 580

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 21:34 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 918

You deserved it 5 371

By Noname - 24/02/2009 18:13 - United States

Today, I asked my dad if he could fix my bed. It had been squeaking for some time. He shook his head no. He then continued with, "Your bed is a security system and as far as I can tell, you haven't gotten any in weeks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 600

You deserved it 5 249

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I decided to snack on some MandM's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my MandM's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the MandM off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an MandM. It was a dead beetle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 866

You deserved it 59 978

By MusicLover18 - 03/09/2014 23:35 - Canada - Leduc

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 525

You deserved it 4 213

By annesolmm - 28/03/2014 01:17 - France - Paris

Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 400

You deserved it 8 983

By xtammyle - 19/02/2013 07:01 - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 526

You deserved it 4 490

Take the W

By FML - 18/01/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 698

You deserved it 4 752

Spoiled for choice

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 05:01

Today, my bedroom in my gran's house gets the most sun in the evenings. There is no AC, not even a fan, and the only place cool enough to sleep is the basement. Which probably hasn’t been cleaned since the '80s, and I have to share it with the biggest spider ever and a beehive in the roller shutter casing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 174

By fmyarse - 22/07/2012 22:45 - United Kingdom - Blairgowrie

Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 578

You deserved it 48 789

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 1 707

By Tor - 21/04/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 711

You deserved it 12 891

Nerf bullets

By aproudmom - 16/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Glen Head

Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as nerf bullets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 279

By Creeped_out_n_stuck - 05/08/2011 04:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 380

You deserved it 3 700

Fake it til you make it

By foreveralone15 - 24/06/2021 10:59

Today, I sprained an arm muscle while pretending to lift weights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 708

By Anonymous - 22/10/2009 02:58 - United States

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 732

You deserved it 6 932

By I_Am_The_Edge - 11/06/2009 16:06 - United States

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 585

You deserved it 863 859

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Dcm210 19

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:42

hope you still have a good weekend.

flipfloperson 5

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:08

Then why did you?

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:36

That sucks

ThisIsMyReign 4

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:38

T-t-t-that s-s-s-sucks. You mean.

gamercanadian 11

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:41

Why didn't you punch him back exactly ?

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:22

thumbs down wars!

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:30

i've had a friend who has a stutter. i feel bad for OP and the person they were talking to

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 12:17

lol

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:36

Sounds like something out of a tv show :/

melbournearsenal 18

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 10:51

No it doesnt!

DrMime 10

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:41

I'm at a a a a loss fo for words with this one...

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 11:33

You call yourself a troll as if that was a good thing. Plus, you're terrible at it.

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 12:07

LEAVE DR.MIME ALONE. He is a doctor, he will tell you that you have some rare STD (even though I'm probably a virgin(I can tell because you have nothing better to do than "troll" people on FML))

Yak99 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 14:32

Im a carrot

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 16:09

*parrot

Silentstrike 11

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 16:30

Ferrit

Yak99 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 17:31

A parrot? No no that would be just silly

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:42

I don't even know how to respond to this FML.....

flipfloperson 5

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:08

Then why did you?

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:11

Because I'm not cool.......

LookOnBrightSide 12

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:20

It's sad that OP would be punched for that. People shouldn't assume. You know what they say, when you assume it makes an ass out of you and me.

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:24

34 I've never heard anyone say that lol

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:34

Unless my assumption is right.

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 14:18

6- then don't =_=

Dcm210 19

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:42

hope you still have a good weekend.

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:12

I don't know why you're getting downvoted pal, I thought that was a very nice thing to say! I hope you do too :)

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 12:13

Damn down voting fairies.

cutielilangel 8

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:42

Punch him back? Or stand up for yourself! Should let him know not to jump to conclusions.

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:32

Cutelilangel...

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:34

; )

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:36

And this is what happens when you piss angels off.

Incredible_92 11

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:51

C'mon #40, FML isn't the place to be picking up girls, anyone can get a dp from google, go outside and meet some :)

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:42

Studderman!

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 13:12

Stutter* how do you even manage to misspell that when OP spelt it right in the FML?

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 13:29

Spelt?

ninjuh_wingman 29

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:43

Kind of ironic, but funny.

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:50

and that's what FML is all about!

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 14:12

Thanks captain obvious

jerseyboy732 16

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:45

I'm sorry OP. he's probably just really self conscious. Hope you didn't get hurt too bad

DrMime 10

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 8:46

It's ok OP, in 'Mimeland', there's many magical creatures like you! Like stutterflies, or bi-polar bears, or hornless unicorns! You're always welcome with me :)

xXxIracebethxXx 14

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:23

.... I want a stutterfly :3

DrMime 10

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:34

They're awesome :D Stuttering their wings n' such!

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:38

Where do I sign up? I'm in.

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:44

Can I come live in the 'mimeland'? It sounds like it would be a trippy and fun place to be. :D

DrMime 10

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 9:50

You can all enter my magical, musical wonderland! We can hang out with Willie Wonka and Dr.Seuss!! And count hefalumps jumping across the fences. If only I could go there in real life... The world can be so colorless and mean. So every-night I close my eyes and go to that special place, then the next morning I'll write it in my diary of a mime!

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 10:16

You should totally publish that diary I would definitely buy a copy.

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 11:47

Mimeland sounds like fun but just for your own health...acid is bad

Yak99 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 14:34

No guys just come here....its so nice here

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 15:03

Can I ride said Hefalumps? Or are they feral?

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 19:10

Wtf is wrong with u

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 144

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 91