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Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    Ironic

    Squirting the night away

    By svet - 22/02/2009 02:07 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 32 540
    You deserved it 84 322
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    Keywords

    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    The Top FMyLife FMyLife
    The Top FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I found out my husband is sleeping with my best friend. The best part? We all just signed a 12-month essentially non-breakable lease on a house together. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 41 884
    You deserved it 5 159
    Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 059
    You deserved it 1 415
    Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 28 465
    You deserved it 7 782
    Today, I was working out with my trainer. A question popped up in my mind, so I asked if she had to deal with fat people a lot. She then responded, "I'm working with you, aren't I?" FML
    I agree, your life sucks 543
    You deserved it 1 507
    Today, I was in the bathroom trying to unclog my constipated ass when my cat pushed the door open and walked in. She sat and stared at me for a good 10 minutes. Then, as if she had seen enough, she started loudly meowing for no reason. It was like she was judging me for reading a book she didn't approve of. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 307
    You deserved it 138
    Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5 a.m., which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7 a.m. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10 a.m. Just let me sleep. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 2 312
    You deserved it 170
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