Love: Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 121

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 1 588

26/09/2010 07:20

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 469

You deserved it 5 615

Commando

Triage

What a catch

26/05/2018 18:30

Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 554

You deserved it 4 348

31/05/2011 22:35

Today, I was stood up by a blind date. After calling and texting her about being a horrible person, she called me from the hospital. She was in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 772

You deserved it 61 233

A load of hot air

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/05/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 634

11/12/2013 19:06

Spicy

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 039

You deserved it 6 222

19/07/2011 17:11

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 833

You deserved it 5 248

21/06/2009 16:20

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 801

You deserved it 35 484

12/07/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 931

30/09/2013 21:59

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 327

You deserved it 3 812

07/12/2010 17:21

Spicy

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 583

You deserved it 41 667

Unreasonable

By minnie - 14/02/2021 06:01

Today, my boyfriend left me because he found out I cheated on my first boyfriend when I was 12. That was back before I knew what "cheating" was and I thought it was okay to love more than one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 217

30/07/2019 12:07

Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 135

Where were you?

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 20:02

Today, I came home from the hospital after six days. Despite having a cat sitter, they managed to shit on the bathroom floor and pee on my bed in protest for being gone too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 101

20/07/2011 16:37

Today, after spending time with my daughter and painting her nails she gives me a hug and says, "Mommy I love you, but I love daddy much better!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 820

You deserved it 4 524

27/04/2011 01:20

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 478

You deserved it 10 442

08/07/2012 05:18

Spicy

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 678

You deserved it 3 915

28/06/2016 10:34

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 589

You deserved it 1 082

14/09/2017 16:00

Today, I went out with a friendly guy who's very passionate about the environment and everything was going fine until he asked about my job. I work as a clerk in a plantation company. He went from Mr. Daydream to Mr. Scary because the company I work for is destroying the forest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 170

You deserved it 570

28/06/2012 18:11

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 172

You deserved it 3 616

08/12/2016 19:53

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 325

You deserved it 859

23/07/2019 20:11

Today, I was hanging with friends up at my best friend's cabin. We were in his hot tub cracking jokes when he told one that sent me into a fit of hysterics. He tried to shut me up by splashing water on me. It worked, because when I jerked my head to the side, I dislocated a rib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 192

08/01/2014 23:02

Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 196

You deserved it 5 263

15/05/2011 06:42

Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 392

You deserved it 18 035

29/07/2011 21:35

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 247

You deserved it 2 980

20/12/2009 08:14

Spicy

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 146

You deserved it 4 517

03/08/2016 04:38

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 727

You deserved it 1 946

24/03/2011 14:54

Today, I received a bill for damage to my old apartment. The same damage caused by the maintenance guy when he came to fix the pipes about a week before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 607

You deserved it 2 753

29/03/2011 00:31

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 246

You deserved it 8 330

12/02/2013 04:18

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 042

You deserved it 7 241

27/07/2019 20:00

Today, while on a road trip, I went to the bathroom at a gas station and locked the door. Turns out the lock was automatic and I'd actually unlocked it. My mom walked in on me, but instead of apologizing and leaving, she yelled at me in the middle of the gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 159

03/10/2010 09:35

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 582

You deserved it 3 398

12/03/2014 15:33

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 934

You deserved it 5 340

05/04/2011 05:10

Today, I arrived twenty minutes early for my opening shift at work, so I decided to turn on the radio and wait in my nice warm car. I woke up two hours later with twelve missed calls from my boss and a dead car battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 442

You deserved it 38 316

18/10/2015 00:49

Spicy

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 028

You deserved it 18 862

06/08/2010 05:12

Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 112

You deserved it 8 373

15/11/2012 14:54

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 532

You deserved it 49 409

13/05/2016 22:57

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 171

You deserved it 1 347

23/08/2011 16:38

Today, someone broke into my house. They stole my TV, DVD player and a few DVDs. However they only took about 2 out of 100 DVDs. Apparently that's how bad my taste is in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 242

You deserved it 6 420

Narcissistic mom strikes again

By Anonymous - 18/06/2021 19:01

Today, my mother told me that I "should have never had children" after I sided with my son when he yelled at her for talking too loudly. I have hyperacusis, and my son has sensory deprivation disorder. My mom knows this, and blames it on her friends who are hard of hearing. Nothing is ever her fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 129

26/01/2014 04:29

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 874

You deserved it 10 096

17/01/2011 22:50

Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 603

You deserved it 3 594

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:11

Just one last mooch, for old times' sake. You wouldn't want him to stay because he couldn't afford to leave? Pay the man.

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:15

fhl your life just got instantly better.

Comments

SxyDianosaurRAWR 0

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:10

lmfao

KingDingALing 9

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:22

^ I hate it when people do that. OP- suck him off.

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:23

why did you put up with that shit for 4years?? Please tell me you didn't gov him any money and made him and his crap walk wherever the hell he needed to go!!

MissErikaHart 0

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Sunday 26 September 2010 17:02

op you shoulda ripped a $20 bill in half and threw it at him, just to b a bitch

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Sunday 26 September 2010 17:53

Isn't ripping up $20 a waste of $20 anyway? It would be more benefitial overall to just give it to him in whole.

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:10

I got first, haha screw u FMLers

perdix 29

Send a private message

Sunday 26 September 2010 16:11

Just one last mooch, for old times' sake. You wouldn't want him to stay because he couldn't afford to leave? Pay the man.

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Sunday 26 September 2010 18:53

Agreed, small price.

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:12

u fail to the max number 2

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:59

did #2 run away?

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:13

lol that us so sad no wonder you dumped him couldn't even afford to pay for his own gas!

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:14

Fax it to him

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:14

sevenn and fuck him

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Sunday 26 September 2010 17:52

I don't think she wants to have sex with him. Unless if it is breakup sex. Then it is fine. =]

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:15

lol I guess he didn't understand it

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:15

fhl your life just got instantly better.

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Sunday 26 September 2010 16:15

haha of course he would