Intimacy

Busted

By Stacy - 21/03/2009 00:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 824

You deserved it 121 914

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 717

You deserved it 17 091

By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 777

You deserved it 15 201

Why would you do that?

By HughGorgy - 20/03/2009 05:37 - Canada

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched, "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 399

You deserved it 103 287

Follow the script

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 450

You deserved it 14 513

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 19:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 299

You deserved it 70 079

By cmerr - 19/03/2009 07:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 955

You deserved it 9 786

Hello Zoe

By Zoe123 - 19/03/2009 06:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and started knocking on his door, asking, "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answered, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 292

You deserved it 16 661

By notenoughsex - 19/03/2009 05:46 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I saw a video in class about women aged 65+ and their sex lives. An elderly, blind woman was having sex at her senior's home. I don't know what's worse, watching an hour-long documentary on this, or the fact that these women are having way more sex than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 657

You deserved it 10 513

By Melaknee - 19/03/2009 00:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 470

You deserved it 149 843

By Opplyst11 - 18/03/2009 20:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class was that I not move at all while being observed. After a few seconds I noticed a really hot girl drawing me. I got a hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 319

You deserved it 30 555

It's good for the planet

By Marcela - 18/03/2009 13:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 403

You deserved it 19 687

By myennechee - 18/03/2009 05:22 - Germany

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, looked at me, and said, "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 223

You deserved it 92 019

Anticlimactic

By JC12345 - 18/03/2009 04:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 017

You deserved it 13 839

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 199

You deserved it 91 608

Nobody's fooled

By sandy - 17/03/2009 21:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was completely naked in my boyfriend's bed. Suddenly his mom yelled that she was coming in so that she could get to the attic. I pulled a blanket up to my neck, hoping she would think I was just cold. She had to step over my bra and panties on her way to the attic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 184

You deserved it 90 769

Cold shower

By MrAwsum - 17/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 575

You deserved it 48 757

Really into it

By ThePopeMan - 17/03/2009 17:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, "I'm bored, let's play a board game." She was sighing, not moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 195

You deserved it 23 140

By Noname - 17/03/2009 10:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 667

You deserved it 211 481

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 152 014

You deserved it 40 668

Promise

By thiswouldhappen. - 17/03/2009 02:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one-year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait until marriage. Four hours later, he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 709

You deserved it 265 874

Horror movie

By ihatevideos - 16/03/2009 23:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989." They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194 822

You deserved it 37 513

By gfg - 16/03/2009 18:48 - Romania

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173 852

You deserved it 24 646

By asleepinclass - 16/03/2009 17:18 - Poland

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 078

You deserved it 40 216

By gentileman - 16/03/2009 17:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591 034

You deserved it 100 419

Pervy

By textraped - 16/03/2009 05:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments, and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 425

You deserved it 40 827

By whatdoyoudo - 16/03/2009 04:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 271

You deserved it 47 311

whatdoyoudo tells us more.

whatdoyoudo 2

Wednesday 18 March 2009 15:34

ok. i am the poster and i'll answer some of your questions by prividing a little background: 1. I am a male 2. My doctor is female 3. She also has the best sense of humor I have seen in a physician 4. She is also my parents doctor 5. I told my parents this story 6. she will NEVER live it down

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 654

You deserved it 32 084

By hala - 16/03/2009 02:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 588

You deserved it 18 360

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I found out the guy I have been sleeping with didn't actually break up with his girlfriend. She just moved for a few weeks during quarantine. They are now living with each other, and I'm alone and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 499

Today, I found out that my now-ex slept with his not-so-ex the day before our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 487

You deserved it 3 545

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 946

You deserved it 8 897

Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 394

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 4 333

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 246

You deserved it 2 362