Intimacy: Zinger!

Zinger!

By Familyskank - 06/05/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 632

You deserved it 24 944

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Same thing different taste

Tired of cooking for you ungrateful lot

By Anonymous - 23/11/2022 04:00 - United States - Utica

Today, our freezer was full because my Dad got a free turkey from work. Thing is, my mom bought a pre-made ham, even though she knows my dad brings home a turkey every year. Why? Because of all the prep work that goes into making the turkey, including clearing out the kitchen, and throwing it into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 214

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 125

You deserved it 13 202

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 23:54 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 177

You deserved it 3 774

By Anonymous - 24/11/2016 13:17 - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 738

You deserved it 2 277

By badcook - 24/09/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 3 521

Very funny, Dad

By Anonymous - 20/05/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 647

You deserved it 4 631

By Killmenow - 30/08/2018 07:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 921

You deserved it 249

By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 272

You deserved it 3 433

It's called fashion, Susan, look it up

By Ari - 08/09/2018 23:30

Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 869

You deserved it 378

Tasty

By sleepysophie - 19/10/2013 15:04 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 617

You deserved it 5 565

Janrok24 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:04

Just one word: OWNED!

cristy91 33

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:12

Tell her she should buy one for that fat trap of hers.

Comments

Janrok24 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:04

Just one word: OWNED!

z620 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 4:18

that's just sad ur aunts callin u a ho

higuymb 0

Sunday 18 April 2010 5:27

wow

babawaba 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:08

you should give it a try

oh_dee 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:08

OOOOHHHHH! That hurts...hahahaha

EatUrGreens 20

Sunday 22 February 2015 12:37

Doesn't necessarily have to, I would have laughed it off tbh lol

BannedDistress78 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:09

ahaahhahahaahahahah go grandma

iloveyou2129 6

Monday 13 August 2012 20:39

*aunt

Bmlacme 3

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:08

aww that suucckkkss!!!

cryssycakesx3 22

Wednesday 28 May 2014 4:31

apparently it spreads ;)

Figureskater_15 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:10

thats harsssh. i feeel bad for youu

CaptainDoorknob 7

Thursday 20 September 2012 3:06

Why the **** do you feel the need to add extra letters?

noobienick 19

Friday 16 May 2014 6:27

Eeexxxtraaa leeeetterrrrsss*

NeverBAckDown_fml 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:11

LOL

rukusrazor 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:12

Well, did they?

CheezerX 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:10

LMFAO! dam that was soo awsome...should of told her atleast ur getting some

CheezerX 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:12

that sux lol but family always talk crap behind each others back

rydin10 18

Thursday 23 April 2015 2:20

Except this was to her face

Keywords

DIY Cats Miscellaneous Family Management Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Anxiety Technology Mental health Health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I pulled my Christmas tree out of my mother-in-law's garage, only to find out rats had ruined all the lights. The tree cost $2600. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 482

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 485

You deserved it 38 930

The Top

Today, I randomly got a boner while modeling a character's butt in animation class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 653

You deserved it 3 620

Today, I found out the hard way that if you leave your sheets on the washing line too long, spiders will go and make their new home in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 874

You deserved it 2 106

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 743

You deserved it 12 945

Today, after struggling to get something out of my eye, I kept my eye open long so it would start to water. My mother in law noticed and said, "Aww, do you need a therapist again?" She knows full well I struggle with chronic depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 650

You deserved it 1 588

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. While they were singing Happy Birthday to me, my mother called me by my brother's name. When I blew out the candles a moment later, I joked, "I wish my mother could remember which son I am." Before we had even started eating the cake, she called me by my father's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 77

Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 410

You deserved it 7 703

Zinger!

Same thing different taste

Tired of cooking for you ungrateful lot

Good question

Very funny, Dad

It's called fashion, Susan, look it up

Tasty

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