Fight

Fight Club Penguin

By mama bear - 05/06/2020 20:00

Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 071

You deserved it 229

Private freakouts

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 23:02

Today, my son warned me that unless I get his older brother to stop picking on him, he’d do it himself. I didn’t take it seriously, until I got home from work to find he'd had beaten his brother unconscious. His justification was that he's warned me he’d "do it himself.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 2 683

Fight clubbed

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 02:00

Today, my wife picked a fight with a guy twice my size, then expected me to “man up and teach the bitch a lesson.” I’m not insane so I of course refused to fight, then she locked me out of the house for embarrassing her in front of her sisters. I want a frisking divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 146

Fisticuffs

By Anonymous - 16/01/2022 14:01

Today, I got proof that martial arts don’t really work, I’ve supposedly worked my way up to my black belt, and I challenged my brother to a match. He floored me with one punch before I could do anything, and he only weight lifts to keep in shape, he’s never done martial arts in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 1 385

Patsy

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 12:00

Today, my brother ran in, handed me a spatula, and told me to stand still. Barely a second later, our sister came tearing in the house with a fresh, raised welt on her ass cheek in the shape of said spatula, saw me holding said spatula, and kicked my ass up and down the house until I escaped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 180

Public freakout time

By camzzz - 02/07/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 198

You deserved it 47 831

Public freakout

By Grandson - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Ontario

Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 069

You deserved it 4 701

Fight!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 06:00

Today, my boyfriend has never gotten along with my dad, but this afternoon during what I thought was a completely normal conversation, he just stood up, yelled he couldn’t take my dad anymore, punched him in the nose, dumped me, and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 255

Family outing

By Anonymous - 20/04/2025 11:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I’m being threatened with police action after my twins “beat up” a big kid for grabbing my daughter’s butt. They hit him with rocks and kicked him repeatedly. My twins are 7, my daughter is 10, and the other kid is 12. Maybe little perv in training should keep his hands to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 89

Beat it

By frank - 13/01/2022 08:01

Today, while out with my girlfriend, her stalker ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and beat the shit out of me. While I was on the ground, my girlfriend got angry at him, and went to go “talk with him in private.” She’s nowhere to be found, and hasn’t picked up her phone in four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 127

Clerks 3

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 15:30 - United States - Brunswick

Today, at my store, I had an old man violently accuse me of charging him for an extra pack of 99¢ Mounds candy yesterday. He held up my line for 10 minutes, fighting me about it. I didn't even work yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 98

Projectile

By Mr.Incognito-san - 03/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sisters were fighting, again. Unfortunately, one of them has the tendency to pick up the closest object and throw it at the other one. Unfortunately, I was the closest object, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 114

Dat ass

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 11:01

Today, I got a slap because my 8 year-old stepson has such a big mouth, he couldn’t resist pointing out a nearby white woman had a "phat butt" and should "give it back to the black lady she stole it from." I blame his racist old grandad for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 205

Bridezilla strikes again

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 00:01

Today, as a wedding photographer, I had to explain to the worst bridezilla I’ve ever worked for, that on the day of her wedding she had scared my assistant so much that she forgot to put a new memory card in the camera, so no photos of the wedding had actually been taken. I’m now missing a tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 573

Great day out

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 19:32 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 145

You deserved it 5 909

'This Is Us' reboot

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 16:00

Today, my brother-in-law's wife sent me a text venting about her argument with our mother-in-law. She also said said some nasty things about her and I mistakenly shared this info with my “trusted” husband, who immediately told his hot-tempered-momma's girl-IDGAF attitude older sister, who now plans on beating her ass. This is bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 566

Nice guys

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 05:01

Today, my stepson punched a girl because she wouldn’t accept his apology about punching her last week, when she wouldn’t lend him her pen. At this point I’m convinced he will one day go to prison for murder during a bar brawl or wife beating, since he has a temper and only seems to hit girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 265

So, here's the thing…

By dad - 28/04/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old son and his cousin were play boxing. For fun, I taught them some real moves. I guess my son is a natural but my nephew got hit so hard he fell over and broke his arm. Now I have to explain this to my wife and her sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 678

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By huh? - 18/10/2023 17:30

Today, someone asked me a question and I responded with, “What?” They said, “Are you deaf as well as stupid!?” then punched me in the throat. I’m actually hard of hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 125

Fight like hell

By Glass Joe - 23/05/2022 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I learned that kicking an armed mugger's ass is something that only happens in movies, and that brass knuckles are really fucking painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 291

Life imitating art, or…?

By Bik - 27/06/2023 22:00

Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 436

Evil will always win

By emily ann - 21/05/2023 00:01

Today, I was suspended from school for “being involved in a fight.” The other girl beat me up while I didn't do anything to defend myself, for fear of getting in trouble. She got off scot free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 136

One law for thee…

By Ryan - 14/07/2022 14:00

Today, I found out the off-duty cop who beat my face in front of a dozen witnesses was wasn’t even charged with assault. I have court in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 186

Stand up to bullying? Nah

By Anonymous - 14/05/2022 12:00

Today, I learned that when you stand up to a bully in a bar, it never ends like it does in the movies, the bully doesn’t get knocked out, and you don’t get the girl. What you get is a trip to hospital, banned from the bar, and the girl goes home with the bully while you lie in the ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 552

Badass

By Boyufd - 30/08/2021 18:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after 3 years. Why, do you ask? Turns out her dad used to bully my dad in highschool and my dad kicked his ass after all this time and sent him to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 105

Badass fighting talk

By Welp - 19/04/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I was caught trying to use the employee bathroom at the back of the store when an employee asked if I worked there. I responded with, “Oh what? Are you a hall monitor? That’s what I thought!” but ended up bumping into a corner and my nose started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 1 670

That weird family down the street

By aaaaaaaand I’m single - 24/07/2021 11:00 - United States

Today, I brought my new girlfriend home. My overprotective sister got into her face and started the whole, "if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass" speech. My girlfriend responded by whooping my sister’s ass up and down our driveway. It took both me and my mom to pull her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 252

The harder they come

By andre - 24/12/2021 20:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, after training for six months in martial arts, I was ready to stand up against my bully. When he approached me. I found out the hard way he’s been doing martial arts since he was six. I didn’t know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 461

Peacemaker

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my coworker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 510

You deserved it 14 296

Wild mood swings

By Anonymous - 19/09/2022 00:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, once again, my partner is screaming at me for something that I have done and, as usual, she won't tell what it was, only that, "You know what you did," and, as usual, I have no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 198

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 506

You deserved it 912

Today, I was getting ready for work and I sprayed my hair to stay in place, then went to spray deodorant under my arm, but noticed that it was super sticky. No wonder my hair spray smelled like baby powder, I'd confused one product with another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 694

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 054

You deserved it 32 725

Today, instead of thinking he should try to get a higher-paying job (like I did) my husband decided to come up with some money saving ideas. Almost all of them include being unhygienic, such as weekly showers, wiping dishes, and only washing clothes after 5 or more wears. I want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 169

Today, I was at a concert and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, this was cut short when the person behind me with the worst halitosis started singing along to the songs. He knew ALL the lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 167

You deserved it 1 032

Today, I had to give advice to my best friend and love of my life. What kind of advice? What to wear while on a date with some guy. We're roommates, and she wouldn't stop telling me about everything when she got home. This happens on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 986