Fight

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 14:01

Today, my sons are such idiots that they had a blazing punch-up that put both of them in hospital, all because one of them stole the last cigarette from a packet. Never mind they both have their own cigarettes, but for some reason the theft of this one cigarette was the last straw that lead to a punch up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 321

That weird family down the street

By aaaaaaaand I’m single - 24/07/2021 11:00 - United States

Today, I brought my new girlfriend home. My overprotective sister got into her face and started the whole, "if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass" speech. My girlfriend responded by whooping my sister’s ass up and down our driveway. It took both me and my mom to pull her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 252

Boundaries, dude!

By JoeBidenIsMyFIL - 02/03/2020 18:00

Today, I had to physically restrain my girlfriend from assaulting my father after he drunkenly poked her in the ribs for the fifth time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 384

Shorty

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 356

People of Walmart

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 22:00

Today, a bratty kid at Walmart called my mom a "fat bitch" when she wasn't walking fast enough for him. Enraged, I gave him the meanest death glare I could muster and I tore him a new one, right in front of his mother, who then defended her kid, saying that my mom and I should both lose a few pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 270

Work sucks, I know

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 14:01 - United States - Keene

Today, I had to go hands-on at work, while choking on mace, with a man who was mentally disturbed. It could have been avoided, if my supervisor had been less concerned with asserting dominance, and instead let the guy get a grip on the situation. Great use of my college degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 110

Private freakouts

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 23:02

Today, my son warned me that unless I get his older brother to stop picking on him, he’d do it himself. I didn’t take it seriously, until I got home from work to find he'd had beaten his brother unconscious. His justification was that he's warned me he’d "do it himself.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 2 680

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 09:00 - United States - Berthoud

Today, I had to chase after my dad through a closing garage door to stop him from driving off fuming and doing something stupid. He recently got betrayed at work and called my mom's friend her boyfriend. I'm 27, living at home, don't want kids, no girlfriend, few, if any, good friends, likely unemployable because of resume gaps and bipolar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 342

Precious memories

By jeph23 - 11/09/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, after picking up my 6 year-old from school, he said, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me. We got home, I looked up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in junior high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 332

You deserved it 19 176

Fight me, loser

By mrmidi - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 - A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 - If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 871

You deserved it 4 388

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 18:00

Today, some guy punched me so hard I lost a tooth. I defended myself and broke his nose, so he started screaming for his mother. He turned out to be autistic, so witnesses, including the police, said I should have been more understanding of his disability after HE HIT ME AND TOOK MY FUCKING TOOTH OUT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 140

Smash the patriarchy!

By Anonymous - 25/06/2023 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home to my son with a bruised face and my daughter locked in her room. Apparently, when she got home from work, her unemployed brother asked her when she was going to cook dinner, so she punched him in the head. He’s so entitled that he actually thought he’d get sympathy from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 377

The harder they come

By andre - 24/12/2021 20:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, after training for six months in martial arts, I was ready to stand up against my bully. When he approached me. I found out the hard way he’s been doing martial arts since he was six. I didn’t know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 461

Private freakout

By Anonymous - 24/08/2022 00:00

Today, my sister ended punching my mother in the face. Blood just leaked everywhere and everything just went downhill. I'm so scared and traumatized from witnessing it. I can’t get the scene out of my head, can’t fall asleep, can’t stop crying, want to puke, want to yell. I just can’t anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 306

Friendly fire

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 04:00

Today, I tried to walk past chuds fighting in the street so I could catch my bus, except that when the police were rounding everyone up, I was mistakenly collared as well. To make it worse, some of the chuds claimed I threw the first punch. I just wanted to catch my bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 123

Vigilante

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got called to my son's school again because he punched a girl. Every time he gets in a fight, he justifies it by saying he only hits bullies he catches hurting other kids. His teachers even agree he only hits the bullies like that girl, but it’s becoming a huge problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 155

Superheroes Finger Family Song Johny Johny Yes Papa Nursery Rhymes Giant Syringe

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my niece and let her watch cartoons on YouTube while I cooked dinner. She screamed as I was cutting up carrots and I cut myself. She had turned on an episode of Happy Tree Friends and was now crying and wouldn't stop. My brother thumped me for not watching her. I now have a cut hand and black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 528

Let's goooooo

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 12:00

Today, my 9-year-old son decided honesty is the best policy and to never lie again. And by that, I mean he's decided to go ahead and blurt out every mean comment he can think of. In one school day, he made 6 kids cry, was punched by 4 other kids, was reprimanded by 3 teachers, and was uninvited to a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 224

Demon drink

By Aliiveopen - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States - Wasilla

Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 170

Welcome…

By Brenden - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Massillon

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 964

You deserved it 7 313

Tickle time

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 12:00

Today, I'm a trained soldier with tours of duty under my belt, 6 foot tall with scars and tattoos, and yet I still can’t beat my brother in a fight because he cheats by tickling me until I can’t breathe or piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 283

Fight Club

By Back to youtube - 23/10/2023 22:00

Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 280

Now what?

By svsksosnns - 11/05/2016 03:59 - United States - Olympia

Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with coworkers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and my mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 997

You deserved it 1 043

Many moving parts

By AlmostCarjacked - 17/07/2025 00:00 - United States - North Hollywood

Today, I was dogsitting at my friend's house and accidentally left my car door unlocked because I was running in to drop off my interview clothes. I came back outside to see a homeless man in my driver's seat, rummaging. I had to fight him. He was terrified. I couldn’t stop shaking for hours after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 135

Dexter? Is that you?

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 18:00

Today, I apparently didn’t teach my son the difference between defending himself from bullies and knocking out the bully's teeth, breaking his nose, cracking his ribs, and grinding his fingers under his boot until the bone splintered. Yes, the cops are involved and my ex-wife blames me, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 291

Serious talk

By OhMyWhitney - 20/02/2012 07:41 - United States

Today, my friend and I got into such a heated debate the police had to be called. The debate was about Whitney Houston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 198

You deserved it 32 918

By for fuck sake dad - 02/11/2012 23:50 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 996

You deserved it 3 481

Pillow Fight Club!

By Crushingdefeat - 05/07/2021 18:03 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my girlfriend and I babysat our neighbors' 10 year-old. After a while, he challenged us to a pillow fight. I opted out, but she accepted. I went to use the bathroom and I came back to find her face down on the floor, as he sat on her back bashing a pillow against her head. What the hell did I miss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 146

She started it!

By Becca - 15/08/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, my sister told me that if I was a gentleman, I'd lend her money. I hate my sister so I told her if she was a lady, she wouldn't have sucked off the local drug dealer for weed. I'm now nursing my jaw where she punched me, and mom overheard what I'd said so we're currently in the middle of a family shouting match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 398

Damn Luke

By So not a Luke - 11/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, a very large guy came up and asked if I was Luke. Before I could explain that Luke’s my cousin and that we do look like twins, he picked me up off the ground and hung me by my belt loops from a metal fence, telling me to stay away from his aunt. I had to undo my pants in public to climb down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 134

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 499

You deserved it 8 544

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 650

You deserved it 26 693

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 208

You deserved it 5 602

Today, while I was running around the block, I got the urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 051

You deserved it 48 759

Today, I happily went to an interview after job searching for months. I learned a large part of my job would be cleaning the toilets. Every. Single. Hour. I used to lecture at a university until budget cuts happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 213

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, my boyfriend threw little stones against my window. Unfortunately, the window wasn't closed, and I was standing in front of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 378

You deserved it 3 534