Dogs

WOOF WOOF

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 18:00 - Germany

Today, our deaf old dog not only barks for no reason while lying comfortably on her dog bed, lacking for nothing, she now also barks in her sleep. And not those dreamy little yips either; full barks, loud enough to be heard in the next room. Which is where I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 157

Slippin' and a slidin'

By Imnotfromhere - 05/03/2022 04:00

Today, my dog decided to take a poop at the top of an icy hill. Being a good citizen, I went to clean it up. Guess who slipped and wore the poop all the way down the hill… FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 143

Baby bird blues

By nerderer - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Duluth

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 442

You deserved it 11 707

Bad day

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 06:00

Today, I drove to my job and got a parking ticket for parking in my assigned parking spot. On top of that, my mom's dog gave birth to her puppies in my bathroom. I currently have a parking ticket and ten dogs in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 113

Keep hydrated

By whoevenncares - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found my dog drinking out of the toilet. My daughter was next to him, also drinking from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 326

You deserved it 3 038

Turn it off

By Hemann - 02/03/2022 02:00

Today, I keep getting prank calls from unknown numbers. They keep making fun of my dog’s death, calling me a fat and stupid loser who can’t get laid, and making sexual moaning noises. I can’t block “Unknown” numbers. It got so overwhelming that I broke down in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 147

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 01/03/2022 00:00

Today, via a situation too complicated to explain, I accidentally cost my boss almost 50,000, on the same day his wife asked for a divorce and his dog died. I’m almost too scared to tell him how I screwed up, in case it sends him completely off the deep end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 282

Get off my lawn!

By control your mutt! - 23/02/2022 22:00

Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 420

Good boy, bad boy

By Anonymoose - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 013

You deserved it 4 393

Doggy dog world

By this means war! - 19/02/2022 14:00

Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 231

Heartless

By Zerofilter - 18/02/2022 18:01

Today, my coworker said her dog died. Without thinking, I tried to cheer her up and said, “Oh man, that’s rough. Get it? Ruff? Ruff ruff!” and giggled like a schoolgirl. Nobody laughed. My coworker burst into more tears. I have a Teams video meeting with my supervisor and HR this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 2 197

Good boy

By wtfkasey - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Dundas

Today, I walked in on a raccoon viciously tearing apart a giant bag of dog food, not five feet away from my sleeping dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 777

You deserved it 2 090

Good boy

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Knoxville

Today, my fiancé threatened to break up with me if our dog couldn't be the best man at our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 141

You deserved it 7 239

Unrequited callousness

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 04:01

Today, I heard that my crush’s dog had died. For some reason, my first instinct when I saw him was to say, “Oh my god, I heard that your dog died!” He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 818

Sorry

By sqquish - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Smithfield

Today, while visiting my boyfriend to see his new puppies, I squatted down to pet one. The other began to lick my ankles profusely until I lost my balance and fell on him, breaking his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 603

You deserved it 4 847

Every dog has its day

By bad bad bad bad idea - 28/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Today, I had to very seriously and very slowly explain to my friend why having a bat mitzvah for her dog was a very ignorant and insulting idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 194

Good boy

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 20:00

Today, it's my birthday, and the only male attention I've had in months is when the dog greeted me with his red rocket out and his tail wagging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 214

Help!

By jnp414 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Bristol

Today, my house key jammed inside the lock, which would've been annoying even if I hadn't been desperately running from my neighbor's psycho pitbull at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 283

You deserved it 1 593

Poor doggo

By Anonymous - 06/01/2022 11:01

Today, I noticed my sister's dog was very sick. One trip to the vet's later, the dog was diagnosed with gut problems caused by bad diet, and a life expectancy of about 3 months. I confronted my sister, who admitted she had the dog on the same vegan diet as her, to “save the planet.” Selfish hippie cow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 119

Take the L

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 04:58 - United States - Chester

Today, it's both my 28th birthday and New Year’s Eve. Even though it's a Friday, tonight’s big plans are frozen pizza and going to bed early. I live with my parents and even they are going out tonight, leaving me to watch the dog. Happy Birthday, loser! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 285

Alexa, play "That was worst Xmas ever" by Sufjan Stevens

By BadBunny87 - 25/12/2021 08:01

Today, on Christmas Eve, our dog passed away. While trying to summon the courage to explain it to my 8 year-old daughter, who was at a Christmas party at a friend’s house, my mother-in-law loudly tells her, “Guess what, Benny’s died!” as soon as she got home. Worst Christmas ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 153

Major Regina George vibes

By Partypoopermom - 23/12/2021 11:01

Today, our family dog passed away. My 16 year-old daughter had a tantrum over us cancelling her 16th birthday trip, because, “the stupid dog picked the perfect day to die.” She says she’s going on the trip “with or without us.” She actually went. With her friends. What do they see in this sociopathic brat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 1 695

Helicopter parents

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 20:00

Today, I got home to see that my dad had let himself in. He told me he'd caught a feral dog that somehow got into my house, but not to worry, he lured it back outside and it ran away. So yeah, my dad set loose the dog I literally just saved yesterday from being euthanised at our local dog pound. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 142

Dogs are people too

By Seriously? - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he's named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 286

You deserved it 6 608

Dog people

By anonymous - 12/12/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, my dog-obsessed wife complained that we never have sex anymore. Call me crazy but constantly hearing her say how dogs are better than husbands, sleeping with three huge dogs in bed every night, and watching her shove her tongue in the dogs’ mouths doesn’t exactly whip me into a sexual frenzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 677

You deserved it 269

Easy mistake to make

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 19:59 - Germany

Today, I was running down the street after my dog, arms waving and clapping, when my friend said to some curious passers-by, “Oh, never mind that, she’s deaf and has dementia.” From their looks, I don’t think they realized he meant the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 144

Good boy

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 07:58

Today, I don’t ask much, just a bit of peace and my armchair, but now I don’t get either since my wife rescued a pitbull that weighs 8 stone, barks constantly and hates me. The first night it was here, it sat on my chair and bit me when I tried to move it, then overnight tore my chair to bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 204

Murderer!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 17:01

Today, my husband got charged with felony animal cruelty, because while I was at work, he shot someone's hunting dog on our property. I'm a veterinarian. This should be great for my reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 176

Same thing

By fml - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 755

You deserved it 2 457

Dazed and confused

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, our dog is old and deaf, and has figured out she just needs to bark if she needs to be let inside. Unfortunately, she's also a bit senile, so sometimes she just barks for no reason, while lying still and quite comfortably on her dog bed, staring at nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 134

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 1 547

Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 29 489

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 517

You deserved it 4 915

Today, my Nana asked me to get her a book from her nightstand, but failed to specify which nightstand was hers. I stumbled across my grandparents' collection of sex toys instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 101

You deserved it 320

Today, I made a cup of tea at work. Whilst talking to a workmate, I took a sip of the tea, which I had forgotten was boiling hot, and laughed at the same time, causing it to come out of my nose. I have blistered my whole mouth and even burnt my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 252

You deserved it 10 558

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 889

You deserved it 5 480