Dogs

Down!

By Imnotfromhere - 23/07/2021 22:01

Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 111

Deal with it

By arron - 20/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, in the middle of this heatwave, my mom has a fan in her bedroom and her precious dog has two fans pointing at her dog bed, which she apparently needs because she could overheat, poor thing. Meanwhile, I have zero fans in my room and can't sleep from the heat, but I get told to just deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 170

The disrespect

By Anonymous - 20/07/2021 11:01

Today, I visited my mom at the graveyard first thing in the morning. Not even 24 hours after the funeral, someone’s dog had taken a massive, liquidy shit all over her grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 368

You deserved it 67

Entitled

By RachelD - 17/07/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, I can’t make it to my friend’s birthday party because my dog died this morning. I called my friend to inform her and she screamed at me because a "dumb animal" is more important than her best friend. Oh, and she asked me if that also means she won’t be getting a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 134

Social science

By Josh - 16/07/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, a friend came over to meet my new dog. The dog got excited and accidentally peed on him. I went to the kitchen to get something to clean it up. When I came back, my new dog was covered in my friend's pee. My friend claimed that peeing on my dog "showed dominance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 175

Golden child

By Dina - 15/07/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my mother would rather sleep than attend my soccer games, volleyball tournaments, or see me win any awards. However, she was present to see the dog get potty trained, filming the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 114

Social parasites

By Poor doggo - 15/07/2021 08:01

Today, I was walking my friend’s dog at the park as a favor. A stranger then struck up a little conversation with me about the dog. It turned out that the stranger I talked to was my friend’s landlord, who now knows that my friend was lying about her pet being a service animal and is threatening eviction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 319

Not the sharpest tool

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 02:01

Today, it became apparent that my new boyfriend has the mental process where unless you give him specific instructions, he can’t do anything right. Such as when asking him to let the dog out, it won’t occur to him to let the dog back in until I get home. By then the dog had destroyed the garden out of boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 264

Grossed out

By eww David - 06/07/2021 02:01

Today, my friend is upset with me since I never want to hang out at her house or eat her food. The problem is she has multiple dog beds in her kitchen and a cat litter box under her dining room table. I love her and invite her to hang out other places, but she’s still offended I won’t go to her’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 155

Where did you guys come from?

By Brad - 04/07/2021 21:59 - United States

Today, I woke up to find two pitbulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 91

Awkward family moments

By hated - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 011

You deserved it 2 953

Pet lover

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 13:39

Today, my socks are labeled "100% wool". If you looked at them, though, you'd have to admit that the correct label, after being used for months, would have to read something like, "50% wool, 30% dog hair, 20% cat hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 665

It's all fun and games, until…

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 20:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I have to give some serious thought to hair extensions. Not for myself, though. My horse let her canine friend rip her tail hairs out during play, and now she has no defense against the bugs. Know any hairdressers who make house calls to horses? FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 104

Get that pup out of there!

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 08:01

Today, my girlfriend is so stubborn, she refuses to admit she hates the dog she insisted she had to have 6 months ago. I also hate dogs, so I told her everything dog-related was her problem, especially the pee/poop. Everyone knows she hates the dog but she still refuses to rehome it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 365

Weird, but OK

By awkward - 14/06/2021 19:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He says he can’t be with someone who doesn’t love his dog as much as he does. I told him that I have absolutely no problem with the dog being in the room, but it makes me uncomfortable when the dog is on the bed while we have sex. Apparently, that’s unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 171

Wake up call

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 00:01

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 480

Woof! I do not consent!

By Horny and Unamused - 25/05/2021 11:00

Today, at my wit's end, I had to have a conversation with my dog's trainer. During the pandemic, my otherwise housebroken dog began to pee in my bathroom whenever my boyfriend and I have sex. Our sex life is suffering and we went from 2-3 times a week to 8 times in the last year… with 8 matching piss puddles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 222

Naughty boy

By wisp - 18/05/2021 10:59

Today, my father called me cruel and heartless. Why? Because while I was at school, our dogs opened the door to my room and managed to shut themselves inside all day without food or water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 90

This is Kerpal

By mickymoose1 - 17/05/2021 01:59

Today, a couple at the dog park, who seemed afraid of large dogs, tried to kick my dog for trying to say hi to them. They then called the police on me for lunging and yelling at the guy for trying to kick my dog. It's an off-leash dog park people, don't go there if you're afraid of dogs! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 176

Dog hater?

By Elizabeth Haygood - 13/05/2021 04:01

Today, I had a phone interview for a better position at work. I've been training my puppy recently not to bark. I put on dog-calming videos while she was in the kennel. During the interview, my neighbor's dog started barking and my dog immediately responded back. My boss ended the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 188

Self-defeating move

By Steve - 12/05/2021 11:01

Today, my dog discovered his new toilet by taking a dump on his own bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 109

Thanks dude

By Cheese - 12/05/2021 00:02

Today, my sausage dog ate my cat's turds and barfed them all over my bed. Try convincing the girl you just brought home to get into bed after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 279

Who does this?

By Wanda - 11/05/2021 01:59

Today, my demented mother-in-law had my dog euthanized while I was on vacation, because he was, "too feral and disorderly." Why? Because he, "peed on the grass." I had that dog for 9 years. Why couldn’t my husband put her in a nursing home instead? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 106

Galaxy brain

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 17:01 - Australia

Today, I found out my boss wrote me up because he heard me crying on the phone, and that it was unprofessional. I was talking to my sister, who was telling that me my father had died. Three weeks ago, he was crying about his dog breaking his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 840

You deserved it 102

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 13:59

Today, after I went to live with my biological mom, after she convinced me she’s been off drugs while I was living with my grandparents, she gave me one of two puppies she'd bought as a gift. Then she got arrested. Turns out she stole said puppy. Some things never change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 99

Thanks, Shep

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 14:01

Today, I'm recovering from a fall down the basement steps. I was carrying a casserole down to the fridge we have in the basement. I tripped, crashed at the bottom and broke my arm. Our dog came running down to investigate, completely ignored me, and just started eating the casserole off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 151

It's complicated

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 22:02 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my partner of 5 years broke up with me via text. We were talking about starting a family just last week. We have a foster puppy together and moved into a new house a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 107

Snitches get bitches

By d for vendetta - 21/04/2021 23:00

Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 260

Poor old Truffles

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 00:30

Today, my mom grabbed my iPhone and threw it from the balcony, because I didn’t cry on the fifth anniversary of our family dog’s death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 115

Where's my dog?

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the dog sitter I'd left him with while I was on vacation. When I arrived at her house to pick him up, she said, "I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about." and threatened to call the cops if I didn’t "leave her premises for trespassing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 140

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The Top

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 860

You deserved it 6 624

Today, it's been a year since my divorce. My deadbeat bipolar ex-wife is on her third boyfriend. I'm raising both our kids solo and, despite trying, have not even been able to land a single date since we seperated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 122

Today, I am now sans job due to burnout. My supervisors recognized I was overworked, and I'd told them I was not able to keep up with all the roles loaded on. I guess firing me was the best business solution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 145

Today, I realised that when my husband is telling our boys off, he can’t think of what to say so he just steals lines from TV shows. This afternoon he told them, “Have you lost your minds? Because I’ll help you find them!” and, “I’ll be on your tails like a hot wind!” Both phrases are from The Office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 159

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 941

You deserved it 7 590

Today, I tried out a new fabric softener, thinking it would make my clothes smell like fresh mountain air. Turns out I’m allergic to it. I’m now covered in hives and smell like a pine-scented car air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 97