Dogs

By stickers - 13/05/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I was going through my mom's closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 604

You deserved it 4 272

Poor boy

By Cone of STFU - 09/01/2023 21:00

Today, my recently-neutered dog has to wear the cone of shame for several weeks. The sounds he makes when he's being rambunctious are now augmented even further by the sound of the cone scraping and bashing against everything. I tell you, it's so much more annoying than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 217

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 04:01

Today, my dog got out and ran off at 8 p.m., so I had 11 friends and family looking in the freezing cold night for it until 11:30 p.m. Turns out, the dog was locked in the garage the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 1 312

Lonely birthday

By Anonymous - 07/05/2022 16:00

Today, it’s my birthday. It’s 2:30 pm, and my parents are still sleeping while I watch television with my dog. I’ll probably also have dinner with my dog. Happy Birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 169

It's a gas gas gas

By Dog fart - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 383

You deserved it 4 009

Handful

By Mary - 19/10/2009 01:11 - France

Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 843

You deserved it 6 937

By fatpooch - 13/05/2010 06:01 - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 739

You deserved it 4 832

Awkward…

By ApolloandDixie - 23/12/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I stayed in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 237

You deserved it 35 379

By Anonymous - 15/10/2018 15:33

Today, I fell asleep while watching a movie. My puppy took this opportunity to help himself to half a gallon of vegetable oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 688

You deserved it 509

Waterworks

By Anonymous - 18/01/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I took an allergy skin test and turns out I’m allergic to dogs. Three weeks ago, I adopted a new puppy to help with my depression, but within a few days I was coughing, sneezing, and having watery eyes. I’ve previously had a dog for 10 years and I was never allergic to it. I don’t wanna give the new one up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 95

Empathy

By KidCudi227 - 23/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a bouquet of roses with a message attached. The message said, "Ever since your dog died you've stopped putting out, so I think we should break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 957

You deserved it 290

Woof woof

By Anonymous - 14/12/2022 07:00 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I accidentally followed and inboxed my crush from my dog’s Instagram account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 994

Doggy dog world

By HereKittyKitty - 01/12/2013 20:27 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 925

You deserved it 2 891

Priorities

By unwanted - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my parents fought over who gets the dog when they divorce. Nothing has been said about where my brother and I will live when they split. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 244

You deserved it 3 603

By Angel - 22/06/2015 02:16 - United States - Utica

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 182

You deserved it 2 169

How can I stay mad at you?

By Anonymous - 28/03/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my dog had chewed up my brand new, expensive pair of shoes. I was so angry that I yelled at him and he cowered in fear. But then, as I looked at his sad little face, it dawned on me that I was the one in the wrong for getting so upset over something materialistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 984

Expensive walk

By Yeahnooope - 16/07/2022 06:00

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and got robbed at knifepoint. The robber made away with my phone, cash, and debit cards… and the French Bulldog I’m still making monthly payments for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 311

Bad boy

By Nebraskawreck - 22/11/2018 13:30

Today, my husband left our untrained puppy out of its kennel when he left for work. I got home and all of the baby books my parents just bought for us that were on the coffee table in a backpack were completely destroyed, along with the bag, and parts of our wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 683

You deserved it 414

Dead zone

By The Corner Of Death - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 141

By hoo flung pu - 03/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 270

You deserved it 3 724

Take the L

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 04:58 - United States - Chester

Today, it's both my 28th birthday and New Year’s Eve. Even though it's a Friday, tonight’s big plans are frozen pizza and going to bed early. I live with my parents and even they are going out tonight, leaving me to watch the dog. Happy Birthday, loser! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 285

Parks and recreation

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old brother and 3 of our dogs to a school playground nearby. When we got there, one of the four of them pooped in the field. It wasn't one of the dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 882

You deserved it 2 332

How could you?

By Arya Keshri - 18/09/2023 08:00

Today, it's been 3 months since I agreed to my mom's suggestion that we send my dog for training. I just found out that she never sent him for training, but sold him to someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 113

Same thing

By fml - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 756

You deserved it 2 457

Parasites

By Anonymous - 16/06/2018 15:00

Today, after massive bouts of diarrhea, vomiting, and doctor visits lasting weeks, I finally got a diagnosis… from my puppy's vet. I got Giardia from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 357

You deserved it 386

Stop trying to make fetch happen

By Frankie - 24/02/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I thought it would be cute to teach my dog a new trick in which I throw and then he brings me back a rolled up newspaper. He disappeared after it, then successfully returned with what turned out to be my neighbor's dirty boxer shorts. Apparently, my dog has a different definition of "fetch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 154

The ending of Lost explained

By Morgan - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 867

You deserved it 30 081

Bad doggies

By Fuck dogs, I need a treadmill - 23/02/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I went for a walk. I was repeatedly barked at, and almost attacked, by nearly a dozen dogs. I have cynophobia from being nearly killed by violent untrained dogs on several occasions, so just hearing a dog bark gives me severe heart palpitations. I'm not kidding when I say I almost had a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 596

You deserved it 7 524

Thanks you for your service

By Anonymous - 29/11/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I’ve been threatened with a lawsuit for refusing to treat a patient. I had to refuse her because she brought a huge hairy dog with her that she falsely claimed was her service animal. Not only am I deathly allergic to dogs, the damn thing shat in my waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 98

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 935

You deserved it 6 276

Today, an old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 076

You deserved it 5 977

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 750

You deserved it 4 763

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 922

You deserved it 5 567

Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 378

You deserved it 4 241

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 443

You deserved it 4 335