Dogs

Pink tax

By banj0 - 06/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 799

You deserved it 2 220

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 01/06/2022 03:00 - United States

Today, I had to watch my grandparents' dogs. Unfortunately, my grandparents forgot to tell me that their new dogs bark non-stop whenever anyone else is in the house, which inspires the older dogs to do the same thing. The result: Five dogs barking incessantly, for hours on end. This is exactly why I'm a cat person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 180

Pet lover

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 13:39

Today, my socks are labeled "100% wool". If you looked at them, though, you'd have to admit that the correct label, after being used for months, would have to read something like, "50% wool, 30% dog hair, 20% cat hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 665

Deflection

By Richard - 25/06/2012 03:03 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said, "Yeah yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 502

You deserved it 6 221

Practice run

By Oops - 18/02/2024 05:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I went to console my cousin because I'd heard that her dog had passed away. As I opened the door, the first thing I saw was her extremely old and feeble (but still very much alive) dog. Turns out my friend was talking about HIS cousin, and I simply misheard. Trying to explain that to her was mighty awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 181

Snitches get snitches

By komp6390 - 28/02/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in our apartment. I was only babysitting the cat so my neighbors wouldn't get caught and fined. We got caught because my roommate reported the people downstairs for having a noisy dog, so they reported that someone else in the building had a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 218

You deserved it 30 185

Gettin' some

By Username - 01/05/2011 08:20 - United States

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 515

You deserved it 46 436

Welcome back!

By Flooded - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 579

You deserved it 3 645

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 06:00

Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 033

You deserved it 358

Chain reaction

By gassy - 15/07/2015 11:15 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 350

You deserved it 4 043

Good boy

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 19:30 - Canada

Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 279

Tasty

By anon - 30/08/2015 18:44 - United States

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 479

You deserved it 2 016

By Arden - 03/02/2019 20:00

Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 1 586

The poop delivery lady

By Why Me - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 482

You deserved it 2 861

It hurts when I pee

By yomamma787 - 24/11/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 906

You deserved it 54 469

I want a dog

By Haze - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 823

You deserved it 2 326

Sociopathic method

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 18:01

Today, it seemed like my new boyfriend worked wonders training my puppy. Now she listens, doesn’t bark and doesn’t chew everything to bits anymore. I was very impressed, until my boyfriend told me beating a dog until it behaves works every time. My dog isn’t trained; she’s too terrified to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 188

It's a doggy dog world

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Slovakia

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 416

You deserved it 9 779

Sweep it under the rug

By Anonymous - 12/08/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 512

Bon appétit, I guess

By Jenn86 - 18/08/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I tried my hand at baking homemade individual apple tarts. While taking them out of the oven, I dropped the entire tray on the floor. My dog acted like it was Christmas in August and scarfed at least half of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 163

Preferential treatment

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 08:03 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom’s house has several comfortable places to rest in every room. For the cats and dogs, that is. Unfortunately for me, I'm a human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 133

Bad boy

By Really - 14/05/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 93

Early warning

By Anonymous - 16/11/2024 00:00 - Ireland

Today, my dog started barking at literally nothing in the middle of the night. I spent 15 minutes convinced there was a ghost or something in my house, only to realize she was barking at her own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 134

Help!

By jnp414 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Bristol

Today, my house key jammed inside the lock, which would've been annoying even if I hadn't been desperately running from my neighbor's psycho pitbull at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 283

You deserved it 1 593

Cats 4 life

By Doggone it - 12/11/2022 12:00

Today, I've been living with my new roommate's dogs for three days now. In an ironic twist, the small one is very well-behaved, while the two big ones are disobedient little shits. Every day, I get a thousand more reminders as to why I'm a cat person. I can't do this anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 174

What is wrong with you?

By Anonymous - 25/07/2024 05:00

Today, our dog is a racist. No other way to say it. We’ve had her since she was born, raised her just like our other dogs, but every time we try to take her for a walk, if she spots a black person, any black person, she barks at them, and once almost bit someone. We don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 172

Unwelcome guest

By cpguru24 - 20/03/2025 17:00 - United States - Bellows Falls

Today, my mom's dog bit my dad's girlfriend in the face. At my wedding. We did not know she was bringing her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 66

Liquid fun

By Cat - 13/06/2010 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 182

You deserved it 4 217

Thanks dude

By Cheese - 12/05/2021 00:02

Today, my sausage dog ate my cat's turds and barfed them all over my bed. Try convincing the girl you just brought home to get into bed after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 279

Nice friend you've got there

By DebbyDowner - 06/01/2023 12:00

Today, my best friend decided to get herself a new puppy. My dog passed away last week. She named it the same name and got the same breed as mine was. She sees nothing wrong and can’t understand why I’m upset. In fact, she tells me to “stop being a Debbie Downer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 1 276

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I made out with a boy for the first time. I belched into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 368

You deserved it 6 650

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 633

You deserved it 5 622

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 098

You deserved it 3 424

Today, while in the store with my kids, they wanted to buy tampons because I am "getting cranky, and it should be that time of the month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 821

You deserved it 22 551

Today, I'm at the age where I'm supposed to be having the time of my life. I'm short and look so young that I get asked if I'm still in high school. Every girl I've ever known looks at me like a "little brother". The only girls who have shown interest are still too young to vote. I'm missing out on my 20s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 155

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 306

You deserved it 3 784