All the FMLs

Birthday! Yay!

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 08:02

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I got a text from an unknown number, asking if I knew a girl that I had been talking to for a couple months. Turns out that it was that girl’s boyfriend, who saw our messages and let me know what she’s been up to. Greatest birthday present ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 130

Doesn't add up

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 05:02

Today, my coworker asked me to add her on Facebook. She has a common name, so I picked the one I thought was her. After no response for a while, I asked for the right spelling. She saw the one I thought was her and said, “I can’t believe you thought I was that ugly.” She wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 225

Really heavy sleeper

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 02:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 147

Fees

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 23:01

Today, I went to court to fight my old apartment complex about carpet replacement, because I'd left it completely spotless, only to wait two hours to be told they'd rescheduling it for March. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 88

Let her fund it

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 17:01

Today, we found out my mother-in-law faked her terminal cancer diagnosis to guilt us into getting pregnant, so she could meet her first grand baby “before it's too late.” In no way can we afford this baby, we are already poor, so this will ruin us financially, yet she’s perfectly healthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 1 629

Alexa, play "Lovesong" by The Cure

By Guitar-ZERO - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my band had a show. We played a love song, and during the bridge, I asked out a friend of mine who was in the crowd, over the mic, in front of at least 200 people. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 892

You deserved it 23 328

Pass the parcel

By KatnissEverdeen - 16/12/2021 14:01

Today, my fireplace caught fire. The landlord says renters insurance should cover it. The rental insurance says the landlord should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 82

Unfair dismissal

By Feijoo - 16/12/2021 11:01

Today, while working at the store, a lady grabbed a bunch of T-shirts and started talking on the phone. She then walked out the store with them. I ran after her, and she sprays me with mace telling me to not interrupt her while on the phone. My eyes burned for hours. Oh, and I was fired because of the huge loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 131

Dilbert principle

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 07:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, the only colleague I dislike was promoted to be my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 102

Clusterfuck

By WhyEvenBother - 16/12/2021 04:59 - Germany

Today, I just learned that instead of celebrating my birthday as a small group, my mother has invited dozens of family members from all over the Germany, amidst spiking Covid cases in my region. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 198

Cartoonish

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 02:01

Today, my kid jumped from the couch into our Christmas tree. As she literally slid down the entire tree, it was like it was happening in slow motion. I was laughing so hard, I peed myself, so I had to clean up decorations and my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 510

Nice try, Karen

By munchkin77 - 15/12/2021 20:01

Today, as a pizza delivery driver, I delivered to a customer with young kids. She gave the pizzas to one of her kids to take inside, where the kid dropped them and it went everywhere. She then rang the store and claimed that I'd dropped the pizzas, then told her to "suck it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 89

Where's my shit?

By Taurus_ChicKa - 15/12/2021 17:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a package has been sitting at the post office for two weeks, with a status update of "Arriving Late." I've finally been told the package is most likely lost in a sorting bin, and won't arrive before Christmas. It was a custom-made, commissioned Christmas gift, that took two months to even complete, and can't be replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 99

Pretend to be busy!

By nichaneely - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently, I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 665

You deserved it 4 800

Bosses gonna boss

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, my supervisor’s first words when looking at my work were, “What is this shit?!” I explained that I'd done it exactly like she told me to. She just kept on grumbling because she couldn’t find a single thing I had done wrong, which apparently ruined her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 122

Those things are lethal

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 11:01 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I was riding an electric scooter on my way to work when a car sped out of a driveway and hit me. Not only did I end up in hospital, but I missed my job on the second day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 138

Parenting team

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 05:01

Today, my ex sent me a string of abusive texts about forgetting our daughter's birthday. I have no idea when her birthday is because she left me while pregnant and never told me the date, plus she is 3 and I’ve never met her because the police can’t find where they live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 146

Not today, Satan, not today!

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 02:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after trying really hard to impress a girl and thinking everything was going the right way, hugs, kisses and chatting every night, and trying to spend as much time together, I get told, "I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want." Meaning me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 168

It's not you, it's me

By DyingAlone - 14/12/2021 23:01

Today, I met the guy my ex left me for. He's morbidly obese, has no personality, and got her drinking again, even though she has a problem. She says, "I've never been happier." Now everything I've done for my anxiety and depression has come undone, and I can't be convinced there isn't something horribly wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 282

Gun control

By Anonymous - 14/12/2021 20:01

Today, our 9 year-old son managed to shoot himself in the gut with my nail gun. According to my wife, this is completely my fault, because I ONLY kept it in my locked garage, ONLY secured in its box, ONLY completely disconnected from the power, ONLY on the highest shelf near the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 158

Great deal

By danny - 14/12/2021 17:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my crush from high school finally agreed to go out with me. While on the seemingly good date, she offered me a discount to her OnlyFans page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 218

Such a sweet little boy

By no, YOU raised him - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Concord

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said, "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 6 766

Make it stop

By Whoffus - 14/12/2021 13:58

Today, I'm on sick leave waiting for surgery due to a nasty inner ear infection. When I sneezed yesterday, my balance was suddenly completely gone and now the tiniest movement, like moving to another position on the couch, standing up, or rolling over in my bed, makes me seasick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 105

Crushed

By sanuli_d - 14/12/2021 11:00 - Australia - Gosford

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to my crush of two years. We went to the same school for a year but then he moved to my old school and became friends with people I knew from primary school. Anyways, I finally got the courage to have a conversation with him on Instagram. Then he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 176

Pissed

By Anonymous - 14/12/2021 05:01

Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 1 454

C'mon Kids

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 23:01

Today, my fiancé walked out on me saying he loved me dearly, but not enough to continue parenting my three kids from my previous marriage because they hate him, he now hates them, and they’re not his problem to continue dealing with. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 776

Close shave

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 20:00

Today, my mom got a new furnace put in because they found out the old one was leaking carbon monoxide. This is six months after I got kicked out because I was sleeping too much, so my mom thought I was using drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 97

Can't buy me love

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 16:59 - United States - Providence

Today, I bumped into a guy I've had a crush on for a long time now. I lied about not having time to go on a trip, I just don't make enough money to do so. He then went on for 30 minutes about his trip to Italy with all his friends. I can't and will never be able to afford something like that. Clearly out of my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 207

Aren't you forgetting someone?

By ForgottenAgain - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend sat me down to reassure me that his competitive, possessive ex-wife will not come between us or ruin our relationship. Mid-conversation, his phone rang. It was her, and he left to answer it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 345

You deserved it 4 076

Shy

By Dan - 13/12/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, I discovered the guy I like will be working with me in PE for the school year. He’s straight. I’m awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 244

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Embarrassing Gross Poopoo peepee Love Medication Mental health Miscellaneous Friends Birthday Mysterious Weird Ghosting Haircut Money Awkward Painful My ex Sex Art Cute Surprise Work Roommate Fire Neighbours Noise Games Weddings Suspicious

The Top

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 384

You deserved it 2 917

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 918

You deserved it 5 898

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years said she was leaving me because recently I wasn't making much money, and was playing too many video games. I recently got a raise at my job of 5 years. The job? Testing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 634

You deserved it 3 964

Today, I'm three months pregnant. Hours after the father of my baby bought me a wedding ring, he decided to get drunk and tell me that he doesn't see himself with me for the rest of his life, and doesn't really want to get married. Oh and that he hates my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 423

You deserved it 7 670

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 2 115

Today, I misread a message that said they needed someone to volunteer for an event. Since the message was from my committee senior, I read the volunteer part and said yes. I missed the "and host it" part so now I have to give a speech in front of all the senior professors and the guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 635