All the FMLs

The harder they come

By andre - 25/12/2021 05:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, after training for six months in martial arts, I was ready to stand up against my bully. When he approached me. I found out the hard way he’s been doing martial arts since he was six. I didn’t know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 464

Sussy Baka

By Yasmine - 25/12/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my husband and I went out to dinner. I caught him writing down his number for the waitress. When I confronted him, his response was, "What? I'm not allowed to have friends?" and threw a fit over my "irrational paranoia." I had to walk home in the cold, because he kicked me out of the car mid-argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 242

A cute Christmas Eve story

By EpicOracle - 24/12/2021 23:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I realised I'm tired of the bossy attitude exuded by the woman who I once believed was my soulmate. Tonight might just be the last night we'd sleep on same bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 212

Whackos

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 20:01

Today, after undergoing a rigorous diet and exercise program, I was proud of losing 65 lbs in 3 months. When my favorite client saw me gleaming from my results, she loudly exclaimed that, “all life is sacred.” She assumed I'd had an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 143

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 17:01

Today, I asked my husband to talk and he got the most tired and “Here we go again” look and then asked what he’d done wrong this time. Apparently, I get mad at him so often that now every time we talk, he immediately assumes he did something wrong. I think I’m a horrible wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 1 884

Merry Christmas!

By yek - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I'm spending Christmas Eve at the hospital. Why? Because when I blew my nose, a ball of flesh connected to a tendril of skin shot out, and it wouldn't go back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 414

You deserved it 1 683

The icing on the cake

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, I received my year 12 yearbook. After such a bad year of let downs, it wasn’t surprising that the school fucked it up and put the previous year's group photo in it instead of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 103

Safety first

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 08:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, two days before Christmas, my pyromaniac family brought out the Christmas Bad Idea. It's a delicately-carved tower that spins. The spin power is provided by about twelve lit candles. The entire thing is made of wood. It's raining to the point of flooding outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 191

Christmas gifts

By not a thief - 24/12/2021 01:59

Today, while I was home sick from work, my neighbor got packages delivered. Our apartments have had a lot of thefts lately so, being neighborly, I brought her stuff inside to wait. When she came home, I gave them right to her. Instead of thanking me, she told the office that I was the thief all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 148

Raised by cats

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 20:01

Today, my baby will only stop crying if my evil-smelling, bad-tempered, violent, half-feral, half-psychotic cat climbs into her cot to sleep next to her all night, yet when I try to do anything like feed her or change her nappy, she cries like she’s being tortured, I just don’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 211

I have no idea what I'm doing

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 16:59

Today, a real cowboy plumber somehow fucked up my piping so badly that if I turn the radiators on to get warm, none of my hot taps works, and vice versa, and I can’t shower at all because if water goes down my bathtub drain, it overflows the sink in my basement all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 121

Accidents come fast

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 921

You deserved it 3 005

Modern Love

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 14:01

Today, I found out that the guy who love-scammed me in 2019 has continued to scam other women, even though I caught him in his lies and presented all the evidence to him. This guy is on various dating apps and is seeking to make “arrangements” with young women, even though he has a wife and a newborn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 159

Major Regina George vibes

By Partypoopermom - 23/12/2021 11:01

Today, our family dog passed away. My 16 year-old daughter had a tantrum over us cancelling her 16th birthday trip, because, “the stupid dog picked the perfect day to die.” She says she’s going on the trip “with or without us.” She actually went. With her friends. What do they see in this sociopathic brat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 1 737

Working class hero

By WellPoop - 23/12/2021 04:59 - United States

Today, I took a massive dump in a trashcan in the back of my company's catering truck. We have a professional tailgate spread for clients to enjoy at the local games. My boss got drunk and left me to work it alone for 8 hours. The closest bathroom is 1/2 mile away. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 148

Wait your turn

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 02:01 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I found out I’m not getting a raise, despite my ‘outstanding’ performance, since the company made a loss this year. Last year I didn’t get a raise because of COVID uncertainty. The year before that I didn’t get a raise because I only just got ‘promoted’, where I also didn’t get a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 128

This pandemic hit some of us harder than others

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 20:01

Today, I've had to accept that, despite my efforts to stay in touch with the few friends I made at college, I have zero friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 98

Where has the time gone?

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 16:59

Today, I realized that I haven’t showered in a week. I feel disgusted that I took so long to notice, it didn’t even cross my mind at all. Due to my depression, I’ve lost all motivation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 248

Thanks, weather!

By Armin - 22/12/2021 14:00

Today, I bought a brand new TV that cost a pretty penny. I took it home and it had a defect. After a lot of arguing, I was able to exchange the TV for another one. I got it home and it worked amazing. Later on, we had a bad rainstorm, which flooded my room and screwed up not only my new TV, but my PS5, Xbox, and laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 174

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 11:01

Today, I learned that it isn’t normal to fart hundreds of times a day, no matter what I eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 128

No spoilers

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 08:01

Today, I've been perfectly dodging all spoilers for Spider-Man: No Way Home. Deleted social media, muted some people I don't trust, everything. Then someone came in my university WhatsApp group (which I need to check for exam notes) leaked it an hour before I was gonna go watch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 255

Anger management

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 05:01

Today, my husband started screaming at me about how I’d lost the mop, so he couldn’t mop the kitchen, and how the mess in the house is my fault since I got fired before Covid and "sit all day doing nothing" when I could be cleaning. Because job hunting during Covid is totally doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 1 157

Team number #1

By IantoJones_fml - 22/12/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my country’s congress failed on key legislation for social supports, voting rights and climate change. Thus probably dooming our democracy, our planet, and our species. Society may collapse within my lifetime. I don’t know how to protect my loved ones, nor how to process my grief and fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 1 082

Not a geography major

By lucille - 21/12/2021 23:02

Today, my daughter tried to argue with me that Scandinavia isn’t a real place. She’s 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 270

So romantic…

By SoundsLikeStalking - 21/12/2021 17:01

Today, I learned why my ex dumped me. Her current boyfriend asked her out every single day for a year and a half on Facebook. She figured that if he was that committed, he must really like her. She didn't even meet him until right before she dumped me. They knew nothing almost about each other when they hooked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 138

High on life

By sistertaxi - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 711

You deserved it 2 765

Healthcare in the USA

By still can’t sleep - 21/12/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, despite changing my eating habits, exercising regularly, and taking melatonin, I still can’t sleep. When I told my doctor, she prescribed antidepressants. This is the third time she’s tried to give them to me. That’s her solution for everything, and my insurance won’t give me another doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 158

Random Ass Memory

By Anonymous - 21/12/2021 11:01

Today, I yelled at my husband for staying out till after 9 and not having done any of the chores. He turned round and yelled right back at me for letting him sit alone at the restaurant, getting sympathy from the waiters, because I clearly forgot today was our anniversary dinner. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 4 191

Gatekeeping grief

By Anonymous - 21/12/2021 07:59

Today, after my cousin recently died, my aunt basically told me that I shouldn't be sad, because we fought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 111

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 21/12/2021 05:01

Today, as a 6 ft 8 woman, I never get much attention from men, until today when a guy who was 7 ft 1 approached me at the bar with the chat up line, "Hey little lady, you look about my size, can I buy you a drink?" It worked. I'm such a stereotype, we’re going on a date tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 540

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Embarrassing Gross Poopoo peepee Love Medication Mental health Miscellaneous Friends Birthday Mysterious Weird Ghosting Haircut Money Awkward Painful My ex Sex Art Cute Surprise Work Roommate Fire Neighbours Noise Games Weddings Suspicious

The Top

Today, my dad let me borrow his phone while I wait for mine to get back from the shop. I guess he forgot to pass the news along, because within 4 hours I'd received a picture of my mom's tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 750

You deserved it 2 388

Today, someone in my 8-floor appartment building got an airhorn. They seem to enjoy using it. I can't work out where they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 697

You deserved it 3 128

Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 652

You deserved it 2 252

Today, I woke up with a migrane, so I took one of my prescription migrane pills to get me through my day. The pill made me dizzy and nauseous, so I took a motion-sickness pill. That pill gave me a migrane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 951

You deserved it 5 483

Today, I was on a Zoom call. My sister offered to go get lunch and I told her, "Don’t forget the baguettes." One overly sensitive coworker swears I used a derogatory slur that sounds the same. I didn’t. However, I’m still going to be investigated by my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 142

Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 920