All the FMLs

Random update?

By Anonymous - 11/12/2022 18:00

Today, since it was payday, I figured I’d take my mom out for burgers. The bank also decided to do a random update on our debit card, resulting in my card declining three times. My mom ended up having to pay for our meals. So much for trying to treat my mom out to dinner. I’m still pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 131

Late stage capitalism

By Anonymous - 11/12/2022 15:00

Today, I got laid off. I spent the last two months planning a conference for my company. They fired me the day before the conference. I skipped my ex-boyfriend's funeral to be at the first day of this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 217

Pure class

By fiddlercrab - 11/12/2022 12:00

Today, I spent time with some of my extended family. To give you an idea of their pedigree, I overheard a daughter ask her mom, "Why did you name me Chanté?" The mom, "After the wine!" The daughter asked, "What wine?" and her mom replied, "You know, Chianti!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 165

Weird relationship

By Anonymous - 11/12/2022 09:00

Today, my new girlfriend introduced me to her bisexual best friend. I can’t help but find it weird that he helped her fake tan, completely naked, or the time he helped her wax her muff, also completely naked, while she waxed his balls and ass crack. This might be too weird for me to tolerate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 225

Apartment hunting

By movingbuddy - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying, "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 637

You deserved it 4 101

Grudge

By Anonymous - 11/12/2022 03:00

Today, I got spammed and bitched at by my ex-girlfriend from high school because she found out I didn't even have feelings for her. It was 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 307

Hang in there

By R Kelly's scapegoat - 10/12/2022 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was haunted by the knowledge that my father watched me slit my wrists without doing a damn thing or batting an eyelid, but when I took the steak knife to the breadboard to release my tension, he was so upset, he took the dog, drove to the east coast, and spent the night in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 725

Make your minds up

By damngurl - 10/12/2022 18:00

Today, I got fired. Yesterday was my birthday and I was told I was getting a promotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 129

I can't help it

By SPOODERZ - 10/12/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, my mom still freaks out and yells "Where?" when I mention spiders to her in any form, regardless of context, and no matter what I preface it with. She just fixates on the word "spider." I get that arachnophobia is pretty miserable to have, but this is ridiculous. Go see a therapist, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 282

Healthy parenting skills

By Ghost1986 - 10/12/2022 22:00 - Australia - Moonah

Today, my ex-wife tried to hit me up for money for a skip bin, because the kids' room was too messy. She then sent me a picture of the mess after I said no, then I retaliated by submitting a report to child services against her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 578

I'm innocent!

By ostfae - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 225

You deserved it 2 336

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 10/12/2022 00:00 - United States - Cecil

Today, I woke up from another nightmare, this time drowning in a rogue wave. I could feel the water and rain. I could feel myself gasping for air as I don't know how to swim, and can barely float. I'm scared if I die in my sleep, I die for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 186

Follow up?

By Anonymous - 10/12/2022 03:00

Today, against my better judgement, I gave in and let my daughter go to the family Christmas party, due to the fact that the sister I cut contact with caught COVID and said she wouldn't be there. Guess who turned up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 230

Clean

By gag! - 10/12/2022 00:00

Today, my boyfriend complained that I "treat him like a child" by asking him if he’s brushed his teeth before we kiss. Gee maybe if he brushed regularly like a fucking adult, I wouldn’t HAVE to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 224

Hypochondriac

By Damn it, Charles - 09/12/2022 21:00

Today, I took my friend to the emergency room because he was having heart problems. The doctors recognized him, and one of them had something to say: "Charles, can you not wait until you're practically dying to seek medical treatment?" This is gonna be a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 107

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 09/12/2022 18:00

Today, I’ve been abroad for three years, but flew home to visit. My parents had a surprise: my baby sister, who they kept secret from me so they could film my reaction. She’s so cute but they’re upset that I’m angry at them. Sorry, but sane people don’t keep a baby a fucking secret from its sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 674

You deserved it 199

Eat those feelings away

By Aubrey - 09/12/2022 15:00

Today, I ripped my second pair of jeans within a month. I know I have gained weight… or I can see the gain of fat cells. I'm desperate for change, but I have no clue what to do! I’ve tried it all! I'm a teacher and I can't afford a personal trainer. Believe me, I went through all the embarrassment of opening up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 325

Excuse my beauty

By Idk - 09/12/2022 12:00

Today, my mom filmed our friends running into each other with exercise balls. One of the balls got lost, and I was seen in the video running to retrieve it. One commenter in the video said she "loved the woman running for the ball." Last time I checked, I'm not a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 211

Cheers

By Chubby - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lake Worth

Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 656

You deserved it 3 154

Plumes

By Anonymous - 09/12/2022 06:00

Today, I picked up a carton of cigarettes for my stepfather from the store. He smokes the equivalent of nearly half my paycheck a fortnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 186

Get on with it

By Hate Essay - 09/12/2022 03:00

Today, I tried to finish an essay, which is already overdue by 5 days. I know the longer I procrastinate, the longer the pain will last, but my brain is still not working and can't start to write. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 854

Thanks Mom

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I don't know which is worse: my brother cramming all his sauce bottles into a fridge door shelf that exploded onto the floor when I opened the fridge, or my mother being mad at me because I was upset about slicing open my finger while cleaning up the broken glass and my hand now burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 136

Oh no…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Minneapolis

Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It's the only test I've passed all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 816

You deserved it 52 409

More details please

By Grandma has no filter - 08/12/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, I listened to my grandma monologue about how if my uncle was born first, my mother (and consequently, I) would not exist. I then got to listen to her rant about what a terror he was. Let's just say I learned and heard some things I'd rather have not known. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 134

Good morning

By erlad678 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was woken up by the sound of part of my kitchen ceiling hitting the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 277

You deserved it 2 542

Kinda true, though

By Ponce de Leon's folly - 08/12/2022 09:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancée informed me she wants us to go on a cruise for her birthday. I replied, "Ahhh cruise ships, the Walmart of the Seven Seas." She threw a mixer at my feet and told me I ruin everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 1 146

Entitled

By WeClosed2MinsAgo - 08/12/2022 14:00

Today, I got fired. There was a customer last night who showed up two minutes after our closing time, 11 p.m.. She knocked on the door many times, but I ignored her and kept sweeping the floor. She eventually left. Turns out she’s the VP’s daughter and told him I was “rude and inconsiderate” to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 221

Great timing

By Earl_KarmasBitch - 08/12/2022 11:00 - Iceland

Today, having made absolutely sure I wouldn't have work until 4 p.m., I slept peacefully to recover from staying up till 5 a.m. to watch my country in the World Cup. Until at 8 a.m., someone on the floor above started drilling. No one has done any drilling day or night in the last six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 171

Close, but no cigar

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 10:00

Today, after months of tests, I was the only candidate left for my dream job. Then, only a few days before the last meeting before signing the contract, I get a call from HR informing me their co-worker unexpectedly came back from unpaid leave and that they are obliged to give him the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 84

Quote of the day

By lol - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 210

You deserved it 30 861

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 685

You deserved it 32 309

Today, I found out that the foundation I've been using for the past month isn't normal foundation, its skin darkening foundation. I look like an oompa loompa from the neck up. It won't go away for another month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 877

You deserved it 35 853

Today, when I bent down to get something off a low shelf at the grocery store, I felt my shorts split wide open at the butt. All my husband did was make jokes about "that's not how you do the splits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 249

Today, I took my friend with me for a radiology scan. While I was getting injections, my friend muttered, "On the bright side, if you die, you'll glow in the dark at the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 178

You deserved it 3 592

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 318

You deserved it 6 572

Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 690

You deserved it 3 492