All the FMLs

J'ACCUSE!

By Whoops - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my job in a nursing home, the State Department of Health inspected us, during which a dementia patient repeatedly screamed that I always hurt her. This was the first time that I'd ever seen her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 521

You deserved it 2 093

Sir, this is a Wendy's

By Anonymous - 04/12/2022 00:00 - Australia

Today, I had a customer go on a 15-minute rant about how disgusting fat people are, and how they deserve it if they develop diabetes, gout, etc. Yes, I am fat. I eat well, I exercise, I've had a gastric balloon, I've been to weight loss retreats, dieticians, personal trainers, and yet I'm "gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 292

Sorry Dad

By Fail - 04/12/2022 04:00

Today, my dad's car door was frozen shut. As he was in a hurry, he asked me to force it open. When I did so, the door slammed into his back. hard. Now he can barely walk, even with a walker, but he needs to walk in order for it to improve, or else he may become wheelchair-bound for the rest of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 147

Mean Girls

By Anonymous - 03/12/2022 17:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my sister and I saw a guy with a terrible nose job coming up the bus. She said to me, "Look how ugly that guy is" in our native tongue. The man sat down right in front of us, took his phone out, and started talking our language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 999

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 04/12/2022 01:00 - South Africa

Today, I discovered that more than half my family has disowned me on both my mother's and father's sides, and whilst I was having my mental breakdown about this, I tried to call my boyfriend to tell him what had happened, He fell asleep and didn't call me back for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 277

Groucho Marx fan

By cody4prez - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my dad told my mom to hurry up or they'd miss the start of their concert. She said, "I'm coming, I'm coming…" and without thinking, I blurted out, "That's what she said." They're super religious, and I'm now grounded till January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 937

You deserved it 5 304

God ain't paying my bills

By Anonymous - 03/12/2022 18:00

Today, at my catering job, a woman left me a fake £10 note as a tip, which was actually one of those stupid invitations to attend her church, since "God is more valuable than cash." I have two kids and a wealthy ex refusing to pay support, so I’d have preferred no tip at all instead of this bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 163

Noise complaint

By TeaTimeAbyss - 03/12/2022 16:00

Today, without any form of notice, my landlord started working on the upstairs windows at 6:30am. I have an at-home appointment at 8:30 for my autistic son that I can't move or postpone without notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 127

I was right there

By Anonymous - 03/12/2022 12:00

Today, I called a Lyft to go to work. I got dressed and even watched him finish his previous ride. We all know you have a 5 minutes window. It wasn’t even 5 minutes in when he cancelled my ride. Now I’m late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 336

White Lotus vibes

By Anonymous - 03/12/2022 10:00

Today, I had to deal with a guest who'd left his shoes outside his door to be polished. I told him our hotel doesn’t offer shoe polishing, so if they’re gone they must have been stolen. He then accused me of stealing them for myself, even though I’m a woman with feet 6 sizes smaller than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 97

Highway to hell

By hnnhyoo - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Oxnard

Today, I got told that I was going to hell for turning down a man who was at least in his 60s. Even after I told him I was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 589

You deserved it 1 709

Technology hates humans

By Anonymous - 03/12/2022 06:00

Today, my mom’s boyfriend insists that I can’t break anything by hooking up my new stove wrong, so I should just try until it works. Some trial and error and one electrician’s visit later, I now have a correctly hooked up stove which is now half broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 697

The road to Hell…

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 23:00 - Venezuela

Today, I went out of my way to get my significant other some medicine for his mom. Said medicine is very expensive, and since I didn't have the cash, I agreed to work every major holiday in December in exchange for the medicine. My SO didn't even bother to say thanks, and ghosted me after I gave the meds to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 164

Lost in translation

By Ariane - 03/12/2022 00:00

Today, I work as an executive assistant. My French boss wanted to do business with a big American customer, so he sent her an email suggesting a meeting. He copied me so that I could arrange said meeting. He had written, "Have your ass talk to my ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 121

Parent brain

By Jen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was watching "Caillou". It was a Christmas special for preschoolers. I was quite enjoying myself, when it hit me that my kid had been in bed for an hour. I forget what adult TV is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 390

You deserved it 6 640

The body keeps the score

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 17:00 - United Kingdom - Pontefract

Today, I started my period, complete with cramps, diarrhoea, a headache, bloating, and aching legs. Apparently my body didn't get the message that I had a total hysterectomy a month ago, including my ovaries, tubes and cervix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 121

Supportive parents

By Ih8homophobes - 02/12/2022 16:00

Today, when I came out to my family, my mom told me in all seriousness she’d rather me be a prostitute than a lesbian. She added, “At least prostitutes have sex with men.” When I pointed out that lesbians can also be prostitutes, she kicked me out of the house. She’s changed the locks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 260

Ballshot

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 14:00

Today, I shot my boyfriend in the balls by mistake, twice. First it was a paintball gun I was using with my nephew, then it was a slingshot I use to scare away the bird who keeps eating fish from my pond. He is now sat icing his groin acting like I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 998

My body hates me

By spaceylaceyjane - 02/12/2022 05:00 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, and after always saying that I didn't want kids and realizing that I actually do, I’ve started having the worst periods every 14 days like clockwork. Looks like the Universe doesn’t want me to have them either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 193

All's well that ends well

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 03:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my boyfriend and our so-called “friends” left us stranded at a park, when our phones and wallets were also missing. I had to walk nearly four miles in tears before I eventually got a ride from a stranger. Luckily, my phone was returned to my mom, but I’m still in tears from the distress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 535

Thanks, I hate it

By AmICrappyEveryOtherDay - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 865

You deserved it 4 430

Feline logic

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 06:00 - Germany

Today, it’s 3 a.m. and my cat is shredding the padded door of her box, wanting to get out. I would be sympathetic if not for the fact that she has a perfectly good cat flap on the other side of that box, so she can go outside whenever she wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 147

Upper middle class issues

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 02:00

Today, I was delivering the HiLux my dad bought for my brother's birthday. At a red light, my bitter ex-girlfriend saw me and threw a roadworks sign at me, breaking the driver's side window. My brother insists I probably did it myself out of jealousy, so our dad is making me pay for the repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 153

No uggos

By Anonymous - 01/12/2022 15:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I walked into work and overheard three of my female coworkers talking and laughing about how ugly my face is, and how they’re sorry for whoever has to marry me. They went on to name the coworkers they actually would sleep with. I’m 25 and I've still never had a girlfriend. Thanks for the self-esteem boost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 124

High risk

By Anonymous - 01/12/2022 22:00 - Germany - Dresden

Today, I unthinkingly did something dangerous and now I have a painful kink in my neck. What dangerous thing did I do? I yawned. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 113

Woozy

By Thisismylife - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I had pizza for lunch. Later, I passed out in front of a customer. Now I get to explain to my boss that I fainted on the job because of heartburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 721

You deserved it 4 420

Chill out

By Bruce - 01/12/2022 18:00

Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 96

FIFA 2022

By GettingalawyerASAP - 01/12/2022 16:00

Today, me and three other colleagues were fired for playing the World Cup on our PCs. We weren’t even watching the games, we just let it play on a separate tab while we did our due diligence at work. Turns out, there’s a snitch in our office, none other than the girl who said, “That sport shit is lame.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 976

Gnatty

By Anonymous - 01/12/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, I noticed I had a dead gnat stuck on my chin. This was after an hour-long appointment with a good looking doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 204

Oh, hi there!

By Lexxxiii - 01/12/2022 12:00

Today, I forgot the maintenance man was coming today for my sink. I was cooking and blasting ”Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?” by Rod Stewart at full volume while singing and dancing. He was laughing when I opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 284

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 068

You deserved it 17 865

Today, after calling my bank to see where my paycheck was, and waiting on hold for my entire lunch break, my boss told me she forgot to submit my deposit. I was relying on that money to pay for lunch today as I used all I had for bills. Looks like I eat tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 714

You deserved it 1 155

Today, while living in Florida, I had a conversation with my mother explaining that it might be best for me to come back home. Her response, "Don't worry, they have plenty of homeless shelters down there if you need a place to stay." Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 907

You deserved it 3 740

Today, my boyfriend asked when I was going to bed, because he wanted to have sex. With himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 310

Today, my grandma died. I was very very close to her, but now my kids are grieving the loss of their great grandma. Between my 7 year-old getting extremely mad, my 5 year-old being super whiny/needy, I'm getting no sleep as my 3 year-old is almost constantly having nightmares. I've yet to get my time to grieve and I'm tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 131

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 821

You deserved it 4 880