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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML

#21515811
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19129) - you deserved it (7302)

On 01/16/2016 at 3:17am - health - by someone euthanize me -

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

#21515791
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20925) - you deserved it (3618)

On 01/16/2016 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Tripartita's comment : In fairness, on the planet your boyfriend hails from, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy" is an extremely eloquent phase used to court royalty. He must think very highly of you.

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Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

#21515773
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21960) - you deserved it (1142)

On 01/16/2016 at 12:52am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Utetopia2014's comment : When I was younger, we had a dog. He got old, and developed a tumor in his spine, which led to paralysis. It started slowly. At first he just dragged his back foot along the ground. We thought he'd just hurt is foot at some point, and decided to monitor it. But the paralysis got worse. It went up his leg, and then spread to his other foot and leg. Although he seemed happy enough, he couldn't walk, and when he did move, he dragged himself around. But mainly he was carried everywhere. Because of his age and the cost of the test to see if it would be worth operating, the decision was made to put him down. My parents organised the fateful day with the vet. My mum had decided she wanted to bury him in yard, and plant a tree or shrub there. So the day before our dog was due to be put down, dad went outside to dig a hole. It was a sunny day, so our dog laid out there too. Our dog watched his own grave get dug.

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Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

#21515762
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14321) - you deserved it (26352)

On 01/16/2016 at 12:04am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Skycop_S's comment : Well, that was immature. YDI

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Today, my dad made me figure out how to disable the adult content filters on our internet. He spent what must have been a full 10 minutes on a distracting, long-winded speech about how he doesn't want to look up porn, but "it's just the principle of the damn thing". Sure, dad. Sure. FML

#21515750
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18954) - you deserved it (1399)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, at college, I asked the girl who usually sits next to me if she wanted to team up on our latest assignment. She gave me a disgusted look, said "Um, I'm MARRIED. Creep." and walked away. Seriously, what the fuck? FML

#21515729
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22717) - you deserved it (1310)

On 01/15/2016 at 10:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

#21515709
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22209) - you deserved it (2319)

On 01/15/2016 at 9:28pm - love - by Gamergirl137 - United States (California)

Today, I work 732 miles away from my wife and three children, and I rarely get to go home. After giving up many hours of family time to work on my last home visit, I returned to work only to have my boss accuse me of stealing time, dock me 50 hours, and "review" my employment for termination. FML

#21515701
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21392) - you deserved it (1413)

On 01/15/2016 at 9:09pm - work - by I'm over it - United States

Today, I accidentally broke an expensive glass display shelf at work. My coworker joked, "Ooh, that's gonna come out of your paycheck!" My boss thought that was a great idea. FML

Today, after being in a committed relationship for five years, I just found out that my girlfriend's parents have no idea that we are together. She says she "forgot" to tell them. FML

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

#21515569
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15509) - you deserved it (14704)

On 01/15/2016 at 12:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

#21515564
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9776) - you deserved it (19192)

On 01/15/2016 at 12:07pm - misc - by motherfucked (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I took my labrador to the vet because he seemed really sick and wasn't acting like his usual self the past few weeks. The vet said nothing was physically wrong with him and that he's most likely suffering from depression. My own depression is why I got a dog in the first place. FML

#21515559
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20514) - you deserved it (1786)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:41am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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