Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML

by Loki16 / 06/02/2016 at 4:40am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML

by Daddy / 06/02/2016 at 4:04am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a family gathering, my teenage sister-in-law felt the need to loudly point out, several times, that her selfie got more 'likes' than my pregnancy announcement. FML

by Yeahyeahyeah / 06/01/2016 at 10:11pm / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, my best friend jokingly blocked my number until I apply for a job. She is also supposed to be picking me up from the airport, so now I have no way to contact her to tell her what time. FML

by LaughingFML / 06/01/2016 at 5:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me felt sick and started to throw up. In Peru, they shove 8 people into a 5-seater car. FML

by MetaNomad / 03/12/2012 at 7:55am / Peru (Lima)

Today, the underwire in my bra snapped as my 9-hour workday started. FML

by SmileAndSayHi / 06/01/2016 at 3:23pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I think I met the one. I had the best date ever. We played mini golf and talked about all the things we had in common. After sharing a kiss, I said goodbye, with the promise to meet up again. Too bad he forgot to mention he was moving to Texas the next day. FML

by SadlySally / 06/01/2016 at 1:54pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, a few weeks after moving back to my home country, I found out my diploma isn't recognized here. The only training provider I can find that can upgrade it to something valid wants another 2 years of my life, 500 hours of work experience and $16,000. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2016 at 12:21pm / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous

SwedishMaria's comment : It's a YDI if your plan from the begining was to move back home, you should always check that kind of stuff out so you're sure it's valid in the country you're planning on moving to.

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Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2016 at 7:05am / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. To this, she said, "You need to meet more people."FML

by Lazyuser2849 / 06/01/2016 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Love

Tripartita's comment : Ooh, she's suggesting a pre-proposal scavenger hunt! How romantic! On the hunt should be such things as: • A person over 7 ft tall. • A person under 4 ft tall (no kids, you cheater). • A person dressed all in black. • A person who is wearing an apron backwards like a cape. • A butcher. • A baker. • A candlestick maker.

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Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

by ChopSuey / 06/01/2016 at 12:02am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Wizardo's comment : Sometimes people just don't want to do the secks...

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Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual attention. He woke me up by putting a slice of ham on my head. FML

by Anonyme / 02/26/2013 at 2:12am / Madagascar (Mahajanga)

Today, I decided to work on my social anxiety by ordering some food. I waited in line, practicing my order in my head all the way. When I got to the front, I said my order with no mistakes. The cashier just stared blankly at me until I mumbled, "Never mind..." and left. FML

by EyesofStone / 05/31/2016 at 9:03pm / United States / Miscellaneous