Today, I see our boss, visiting from USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking the cup will drop automatically. No time to explain, I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML
Mynamewontfi's comment : Where do you work that your boss has a bodyguard? Sounds interesting.
Today, my boss told me to find the bad smell coming from the apartment we were working on. I found the bath tub about 4 inches high full of piss and spent the next hour bailing it out into a bucket because the drain wasn't connected yet. I have pee stain in all the wrong places. FML
by seanzynotfonzyehhhhh / 08/04/2016 at 1:16am / United States / Work
Baustigt's comment : Are there any right places to have pee stain?
by washcaps / 08/03/2016 at 10:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
SauceySarah's comment : That is so horrible. Cliques and exclusivity are such a bitch. Forget them, you can join a different volleyball team like a club team!
by sayno2mermaids / 08/03/2016 at 10:08pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by sw2f2fchik612 / 08/03/2016 at 10:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML
by justplaindumb / 08/03/2016 at 8:48pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, my 15-year-old son was waiting in the car for me after driving around to build up hours for his permit. He then decided it was a good idea to quickly drive over to catch a Pokemon nearby. He didn't count on getting pulled over for texting and driving while underage without an adult though. FML
by ButItWasRareDad! / 08/03/2016 at 6:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and am single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML
by aurelj1 / 08/03/2016 at 3:59pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Ummm / 08/03/2016 at 3:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2016 at 2:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/03/2016 at 2:01pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana…